Skeletons In My Closet
by Calamity Now
Summary: I sighed impatiently and pulled my shirt back on and walked back onto my bed. "Don't hurt your pretty little head princess. It's nothing to get worked up over, just a few bruises" DxC violence, rape, mature themes.
1. Nothing Wrong With Me

"See ya." I said lazily from my bunk as all the guys in the cabin evacuated. Once I was sure no one was around I hopped off the bunk and really took a look at the cabin.

It was a shitty little thing. On the outside there were shingles falling off the roof, and the wood was rotting in places. There were five bunks in the room, a wardrobe, and a dirty mirror hanging off the back wall that looks about as ancient as these camp grounds. The smell of this place is nauseating, but I've been here for about an hour now and the smell is starting to settle in. Now I would just go straight back to juvi, but I think that might just kill me.

Sighing, I took another look around the room. The first challenge had to do with water, which means that I will have to be unclothed. Shit.

I walked over to the mirror hanging off the wall and wiped away the dust with Harold's blanket, not wanting to get fingerprints on it or anything. (Secret pet peeve no. 1: fingerprints) When it was finally clean I took off my shirt and looked over the bruises that decorated my body, green and purple discolouration all my torso, worst at my stomach. And there was no undamaged skin on my back. They were all in the shape of the damn batons they used…mother fucking security. I didn't fucking do anything…

I pressed a finger against one and tensed when the pain shot up through my body. My friends back in juvi thought it was awesome, the way the bruises changed colours, like a fucking trip. That's what they compared it to, to be tripping on drugs. I bit my lower lip as I applied more pressure to the bruises. I had to find some way to hurt myself. The scars on my stomach were just fading. The scars on my wrists were just healing. I didn't need to take off the wristbands to see that they were, I just made them last night.

"Bridgette, are you in h-" That little princess girl's voice rang out through the cabin, her voice quickly cut off when she saw me. Immediately her hand shot up to her mouth, as she stammered for words to say. Her eyes were wide, everything in her seemed to shut down as she stared.

Her gaze made me nervous, I don't want people here to know about me, my secrets, my past. I could feel my body tensing up, and suddenly had the dire need to run away. But that would just make everyone suspicious. So instead I built up my wall and gave her an annoyed look, waiting for her to say something not in gibberish.

"D-Duncan…" she finally managed to get out one word.

I sighed impatiently and pulled my shirt back on and walked back onto my bed. "Don't hurt your pretty little head princess. It's nothing to get worked up over, just a few bruises…" I said indifferently and flipped through one of Harold's comic books like I gave a damn about Superman, or whatever comic book it was.

Calvin and Hobbes…wow…just wow…

Princess was still standing there, chewing on her lower lip with a scared look in her eye. As if looking at the bruises hurt. Well she could imagine how bad it felt to be on the receiving end, eh?

"Look sweetheart. Just walk out, close the damn door and pretend like it never happened, just like the rest of them. You don't owe me anything just because you've seen this. Go on into your perfect world of sunshine and rainbows and leave me alone." I said angrily.

"B-but…" She trailed off, looking at my chest, still seeing what the cops did…

"No. Just GO!" I yelled and stood up and began to walk towards her, immediately she began to back out the door, and ran back out to where everyone else was. Having fun on the "beach". Talking, getting to know each other. Princess better not spill. I think I might just kill her if she tells anyone.

I'll wear a shirt for the challenge, whatever. It's really no big deal. A lot of guys wear shirts when they go swimming, I doubt anyone would be suspicious.

_Yeah, fat guys…_

Hell, I lost any bit of flab that was on me before juvi, and I doubt I'll be getting any fatter from being here for eight weeks. I tasted the slop that "Chef" made us eat, and I doubt I'll be wanting any seconds. Hell, it was worse than prison food. I'll probably end up going back to prison half starved or something. No wait…I'm not going back there.

"Hey Duncan!" Geoff busted through the cabin doors, "Come out man! We gotta go do our first challenge!" Sighing, I told Geoff I would be out in another few minutes. He agreed and left me alone again in the room, with the mirror. I took off my shirt once again, and pressed down on the bruises, giving myself that little extra bit of apathy and adrenaline I would need to be able to complete the challenge Chris set up.

Then I pulled another black t-shirt out of my duffle bag and slid on my swim shorts and headed outside to where everyone else was gathered, pretending like nothing happened. Princess didn't even bother to look at me. She had her head turned towards where Chris was standing, what he was saying. Something about jumping off the cliff. Plummeting from a thousand feet up into shark infested waters. Cool, if I died here I wouldn't have to put up with any of this shit ever again.

So my team got put up first, and surfer girl went up first, I can't remember the order exactly, I was too busy picturing all my friends watching this shit on TV, laughing at me. Whatever, I have a date with the devil, that I'm not about to miss.

Finally it was my turn to jump, and so I walked up to the edge of the cliff, and looked down into the water, I climbed down walls that looked higher than this. This jump was nothing -- as long as I landed inside the ring of course. If not the sharks would try to get me, and I don't know if I can hang on for that long if there are a bunch of hungry sharks up my ass…

"Just jump already!" A voice yelled, it sounded like princess. I glared back at my team, before leaping off the edge of the cliff.

I was going so fast, it felt like I was going to throw up, but I held my chunks down as I fell. When you jump out of a tree, or off a house or something, the fall takes a second, and you hardly notice it. This fall seemed to last forever, and as I was falling I saw my life flashing in front of my eyes.

"_Daddy, don't go…"_

"_Shut the fuck up Duncan! I'm trying to work!" _

"_No, don't hit me…don't hit me anymore. No…no…please god no." _

"_Mmm, Duncan…oh fuck Duncan…I think I'm going to…oh goooodddd!" _

_Heavy breathing, panting. Sex, two bodies intertwined in a loveless act. _

"_SAY YOU'RE SORRY YOU WORTHLESS LITTLE PRICK!" _

"_Give me another hit…oh god…fuck yes…"_

"_First I'm going to cut your throat, then I'll cut the edges of your lips…so when you open your mouth, it only gets wider…."_

"_Put your hands in the air and drop all weapons. It's over!" _

"_You worthless, piece of shit. Did you really think that would get you out of here? You pathetic little baby!" _

I screamed, loud and clear. Letting out all my emotions from my pathetic past which I call my life. I screamed so hard, and so loud I thought my lungs were going to explode. But I needed them out, all my emotions, all my skeletons in the closet. I pushed them all out with that one scream, everyone thought I was scared. Like fuck I'm scared, not of this. Not of falling. I'm scared of the past, like it's going to tear me away into nothingness if I don't forget about it. If I don't run.

I screamed until my voice gave and I had no more energy to scream. Then I hit the water, it hurt. All the bruises on my body burned with so much pain I couldn't move. At least there were no sharks, and hell…I was alive.

Something brushed against my leg, and I looked down in fear it was a shark, but it was just a fish. And it looked at me for a moment as if to say, 'What are you doing down here? Do I go up on land and flop around like I belong.'

That's when I realized that I need air to live, to breathe. And my lungs were dying right now, I had practically no air. But my body refused to move, it hurt too much.

_Don't let them win…._

That one little phrase was enough to get me moving, and just when I thought I was going to explode from the lack of oxygen I reached the surface, coughing and sputtering up water. The boat immediately came towards me, and DJ and Geoff helped me in, I could hardly stand, let alone walk. So DJ carried me onto a chair, I felt like I had just single handily fought a war -- and won.

Princess refused to jump though. I scoffed at her, so did DJ. And because of that we lost the challenge and were forced to go to elimination. The redneck got voted off -- Ezekiel? He pissed off every camper here. It was obvious he would be one of the first to go.

DJ, Geoff, and I talked a lot that night, and they were okay dudes. Geoff had done some major partying in the past, DJ was really into animals and helping people. And both had their share of stories to tell. We talked for hours before going back into the cabin and falling asleep in our bunks. Or at least they did. When everyone else was asleep, including the camera crew I snuck out and smoked a cigarette I had smuggled into this crap place. I had a few more things here, but I didn't need them -- for now.

"Duncan…what are you doing up?" A timid voice asked. I turned around and there she was, the princess. Standing in her pink pyjamas and fuzzy pink slippers. I stared at her indifferently.

"That," I said slowly, burying the cigarette filter in the dirt. The last thing I needed was for people to know that I'm a smoker too. "Is none of your business." When I looked up to meet her eyes she looked slightly distressed, slightly annoyed. "Why are you up?" I found myself asking. I didn't want to talk, curiosity just got the best of me.

"I was going to the washroom." She said quietly and stared at my chest again, "You wanna -- talk about anything?" Her voice sounded hopeful, but I crushed her hopes with one word.

"Nope." I answered and began to burn anything within reach with my lighter. Hoping it would scare her off. "Go to the washroom, then go back to bed princess, didn't mommy tell you not to play with fire?"

Princess's lips pressed together in a tight line and she opened her mouth, I was expecting more damn stammering and sputtering. "What makes you so damn tough _Duncan_?" She spat my name like it was some kind of disease. "I bet you're just another one of those little 'tough kids' hanging around behind the school smoking your cigarettes." Her eyes narrowed into slits like a cats. Her fists clenched, baring her teeth like some obnoxious cat.

"Think whatever you want _Princess_. Like I really care about what _you think."_ I said and stuck my knife into the stump I was sitting on, to my surprise she didn't jump, her glare only became more intense.

"I have a name! It's Courtney! Stop calling me princess!" She said angrily and kicked the stump I was sitting on before storming off to the communal washroom. Such a drama queen.

I sat outside for awhile longer, listening to the sounds of the night. It was relaxing, since I was so used to listening to other people snoring. That's another problem with me; I'm an insomniac. And it often takes me awhile to get to sleep, sometimes it's lonely. Ah well…

…At least I have my mp3 player.


	2. Sink Or Swim

**_SIX REVIEWS OF I DON'T UPDATE :D (I'm a douche)_ **

**A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed this story! There is much love being sent. Anyways...I don't really like this chapter. It might be rewritten. But review and tell me what you think ;) And because everyone's doing it:**

_She's cold and she's cruel but she knows what she's doin'  
__She pushed me in the pool at our last school reunion.  
Just the Girl - The Click 5_

The week went by without even moving. Or at least that's what it felt like. We did challenges, and I got to know the other campers well enough. The people I hang around most consists of these people: Geoff, and DJ, mainly because they're on my team, and mainly because most of the other guys look like idiots. Trent doesn't seem that bad, only if he would stop following Gwen around like a lovesick puppy. I told Geoff this, and he laughed.

"Dude, I totally get what you're saying! He acts like she's the only person on the planet. He's so…" Geoff's voice trailed off…Bridgette walked by.

There are a few girls I do want to "get with". My list consists of these girls:

1. Heather

2. Lindsay

3. Bridgette

4. Izzy - Strangely. I'm sure she's wild in bed though.

5. Courtney -- as long as she didn't talk. Even though she's annoying, oh my god that girl has nice tits and a nice ass. I'd do it with her in a heartbeat. And god knows she'd like it. No wait, scratch that, she'd love it. She'd be begging for more, girls like her always do. She'd give good head.

Anyways, today they gave us the day off, they usually do that after big challenges, though I bet they tell you otherwise while you're watching the show. After an hour or so of moping around and sticking itching powder in Harold's bed, I wandered off to the dock where a bunch of people were hanging around. I sat at the edge of the dock and stuck my feet into the water.

"Hey dude!" Geoff walked over and took a seat next to me, I smirked and nodded my head.

"What's up?" I asked, even though I know he never answers that question. It's just a filler.

"Nothing, me and Bridge were just taking a little walk." A cheesy grin took over his face, I just rolled my eyes. "She's so perfect, you know? I wonder if she digs me like I dig her." This is Geoff being deep, I have learned this after spending most of my time with him, so I decided I wouldn't bring him down off of his little love high. All guys should be able to feel this about someone -- I haven't yet but, whatever.

"So, what did you used to do with your friends?" Geoff asked me suddenly, I cocked an eyebrow. Or, half of mine. All he used to do was talk about all the parties he went to. I never expected him to be interested in really anything else.

"We'd go around terrorizing the city." I answered plainly with a smirk.

"That's hardcore man -- you were in juvi right? What'd you do to get in there?" Geoff asked, sounding completely sincere about wanting to hear it. I just shrugged my shoulders.

"I've just done a lot of stupid things. I can't remember what exactly got me into that place though." Why should I tell him what got me in there? It's in the past, and that's what I'm desperately trying to forget.

"Hopefully," DJ cut in, sitting down next to us, "Things work out for you. I know it must be hard playing the rebel all the time." He said and placed a hand on my shoulder. I turned and looked at DJ strangely. Why did he touch me? I didn't touch him. "I'm just being friendly." he said calmly, as if reading my mind. I nodded slowly, still not grasping the thought of someone touching for no reason.

"Yeah, whatever. It's not a big deal. What about you DJ, what have you done with your life before reality TV?" I asked him, trying to get their attention off of me.

"I volunteered at an animal shelter, and did a little dog walking for some extra money. I also did yoga for awhile, but then I realized my real love was ribbon dancing."

I blinked, and looked at Geoff, and at the same time we bursted out into hysterical laughter. DJ looked at us, obviously confused, that only made me laugh harder; I thought my sides were going to split.

"What is so funny?!" He demanded, frowning now.

"You…are…so…gay!" I said in between bouts of laughter. DJ glared at us and crossed his arms, like a pouty child, yet again provoking our laughter.

"Whatever." He said angrily and walked off into the woods

I stopped laughing when I noticed Princess glaring at me with her arms crossed against her chest. I elbowed Geoff to get him to stop and nodded towards the PMSING woman. He snapped out of it when he realized Bridgette looked pretty pissy as well.

"What?" I asked, looking at both of them with disinterest.

"It's not funny to make fun of someone's sexual orientation." Courtney said angrily and glared at me as hard as she could. Bridgette stood by Courtney wearing the same expression, obviously backing up every word Courtney said. I glanced over at Geoff and he looked ready to chase down DJ and apologize if I didn't move fast.

"Don't go pissing yourself Geoff." I said and put my hand on his shoulder like DJ had. It seemed to reassure him kind of, and back up his idiotic beliefs. "Last time I checked, this was none of your business princess." I said, and I know she knew what I was talking about. But she didn't go all timid.

"If you're going to be an ass Duncan then it is my business." She stepped forward and stabbed her finger against my chest a few times. "If you're going to be burning bridges and jeopardizing our performance during challenges then it definitely is my business. I came here to win." She hissed, and stabbed me in the chest for good measure.

"Touch me again Princess and I might have to punish you." I said with a smirk. Obviously it was the wrong thing to say, because suddenly her palm was flat out against my chest and she was pushing me off of the dock. I didn't fully realize it under I was under the polluted ocean water. It was cold. And every inch of me was soaked. Thank god my mp3 player wasn't on me. I surfaced and pulled myself up, just in time to see her threaten Geoff with,

"You want some too?" she raised her fist in front of his face.

He shook his head dumbly and Princess spun on her heel and walked towards the girls cabin (which was considerably nicer than the guy's) Bridgette followed with the same snobby manner. Like hell she was getting away with that.

"Nice 'hawk dude." Geoff smothered a laugh, I pushed him into the water too and waited for him to surface.

"Come on." I said and started running the direction Princess had gone off. It didn't take long for me to catch up with her and I grabbed her around the her tiny waist and threw her over my shoulder.

"DUNCAN! PUT ME DOWN!" She shrieked, destroying my ears, and kicking me hard on the back. I gritted my teeth and ignored the fact that my already bruised body was being beaten once more. Her stupid platforms _hurt_.

"Jesus Christ woman! Shut up and hold still!" I yelled and shook her a little.

"You can not silence me! I demand to be put down!" She yelled right into my ear. "I am going to have my lawyer on you so fast you're going to be sent back to prison, and you'll never be getting out!"

"Alright babe. You do that." I laughed..

Everyone in the camp was watching, Chris even got out a few more camera guys. I didn't care, I was walking normally towards the water. I always got even with people -- always. I was within a few meters of the water when she really started to get angry, and started screaming sentences that Chris would need to bleep out entirely. Her kicks got hard, but I manned through it, gritting my teeth and trying not to hit her back.

"Ready for your swim Princess?" I said and lifted her into the ear.

"Duncan DON'T!" She shrieked as I threw her into the water. There was a giant splash and I think I heard some swear words under the water. All the guys in the camp started cheering and applauding. Most of the girls were giggling about it, being much more subtle in case Courtney took her rage out on them. Geoff was rolling on the floor laughing, tears streaming down his face. Or maybe it was just water falling from his hair.

Courtney pulled herself up onto the dock, a soaked mess. I don't think I've ever seen someone look as if they were really going to explode, and as cool as a bloody cucumber at the same time. With as much poise and grace that she could manage Courtney strode over to me, and without even making eye contact she raised her wet knee, and sacked me.

Tears welled up in my eyes and I fell to the ground, holding myself in absolute misery. I heard the laughter, and I wanted to kick everyone in the balls who were laughing. The one place where the guards hadn't hit…

"You're…a bitch…" I gasped out and I watched her feet walk off towards the cabins. This time I didn't go after her. I would have to get her back another time.

"Dude, we'll get you to the medical tent." Chris's voice said. I didn't bother looking up at him, just closed my eyes and nodded my head. Then I felt the heavy footfalls of Chef Hatchet. I opened my eyes and stared at his gigantic feet up to his massive anvil sized head. "Chef, could you take Duncan here to the medical tent?" Chris said innocently.

Chef glared down at me hard enough to make me want to shit and piss myself. Then he muttered things under his breath and threw me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes! I bit my tongue so I didn't let out the wail of pain my body screamed for.

Chef took me to the other side of the camp where there was a tent with a big red plus sign on either side of it, I assumed it was the medical tent Chris talked about. I was thrown on the cushy mattress with no sympathy and was left there to die.

"Can I at least get some clothes over here!" I yelled from my spot on the mattress.

Seconds later Chef stomped into the tent and immediately I regretted saying anything. I'd rather catch a death of colds than break every single bone in my poor body. I closed my eyes tight and awaited for the giant to strike, instead there was the feeling of a thin piece of fabric landing on me. I opened my eyes and stared at the hospital gown Chef brought.

"Thanks…" I mumbled and watched the giant leave once again.

When I was sure nobody was around I started stripping off my drenched clothes, and thanked every god that was ever imagined that my beautiful mp3 player was sitting in my duffel bag under all the crap I had stolen from here already. Then I got into the cushy bed, curled up under the covers and went to sleep. Nothing better than that.

**A/N: Alright. I know, not so much angst there. Just a filler or a set up or whatever. I could really use some help though. I wrote this a long time ago, and I forgot where I was headed. Suggestions will be much appreciated. And don't worry. There will be much more angsty Duncan for all you twisted fan girls. **

**Now and Forever**

**SweetHeroin **


	3. Broken Home

**A/N: Thank you everyone who reviewed. It means so much to me XD Anyways. 8 reviews or I don't update. Lol. Please btw, if you have ideas for the story, share with me. It'll mean a lot. **

_But does my father even care  
If I'm sad or angry  
You were never ever there  
When I needed you  
I hope you regret what you did  
I think I know the truth  
Your father did the same to you  
Did the same to you_

_- Broken Home, Papa Roach_

_--  
_

"_Stay the fuck away from me!" I screamed as I backed up against the cold stone wall. I held out the pipe in front of me as if it were supposed to scare him away. It didn't. He laughed at me, and came closer and closer to me. "I'm fucking warning you man. I will fuck you up if you come any closer." My words were empty, he knew it. I knew it, but they were virtually my only weapon. I wouldn't use the pipe. No matter how many times he would hurt me I would never use the pipe and he knew this. _

"_Duncan. Come to daddy." he snarled and held out a scarred palm. I felt like I was seven years old again, being beaten for something I hadn't even done. Where was mom? Why wasn't she protecting me from Dad's anger? Wasn't that supposed to be her job? _

_I was shaking so hard that I could hear my rings rattling against the metal of the pipe. No matter how many piercings I got. No matter how many stores I've robbed, and schools I've vandalised he could see right through me. No matter how many other kids I've hurt to prove I'm not weak. That no one could push me around. He saw otherwise. _

"_Mom!" I sobbed, dropping the pipe and falling to my knees. I could taste the tears and snot that flooded into my mouth. _

_And then the first blow came; hard across my cheek. I cringed and protected my head in my arms, but that only made things worse. _

"_Don't cry you pathetic excuse for a boy! Your mama's not going to help! She's dead boy. And it's all your fault" He yelled and punched my square in the jaw. "Don't hide Duncan! You're so weak!" He yelled and hauled me to my feet with one arm. I __**was**__ seven years old again, and I was being taught something I would never forget; don't drop the pipe. Don't give them a chance to hurt you. Just strike. _

_His hand clasped around my throat and I shrank back, my hand felt a cold piece of metal. _

_Never let go of the pipe. Don't give them a chance. Just strike. _

I shot up and raised my fist in the air, immediately there was a shriek and Princess fell backwards holding her hands up in front of her like it could protect her. I wanted to tell her not to cry out. It made you weak. That's what he taught me…

_But you're not him._

The voice in my head said, and I finally realized how hard I was breathing, and forced myself to take deep slow breaths. Courtney recoiled and looked at me with concern. I wanted to hit her for looking at me so pathetically.

"Duncan…everyone's out looking for you…" She said, and slowly reached her arm out at me, to touch me. I backed up a little bit and watched her, trying to absorb what exactly she was saying. "You were screaming…that's how I found you. Duncan, we're on the other side of the island." again she tried to touch me, but this time I grabbed her wrist.

"Don't touch what you can't handle." I managed to choke out somewhat normally and I let go. Calm down Duncan. It wasn't real. He's not real anymore, remember?

…_No please don't remember that…_

_Okay. Well it's okay anyways. Just slide over the mask. Be the Duncan you would've been if he had never been in your life. Slide the mask. I_ repeated that into my head a few times before I calmed down enough without the help of a nicotine and I smiled.

"So you had me screaming for you Princess?" I asked with a smirk, and her expression did a complete 360, just like the other times. The anger was back. Any sympathy for me vanished in a second and her eyes narrowed dangerously into chocolate slits.

"You are so bipolar." Courtney yelled and stomped away to sit against a tree with her arms crossed against her chest.

"I'm bipolar? Princess. If you haven't noticed you're the one with the mood swings." With each word I spoke I gained more confidence, like there really were no mental scars. I could pretend. "You go from, 'Oh Duncan, I'll save you.' to 'I hate you.' Like make up your mind princess. Jeez." I stuck my hand into my back pocket and gently brushed my fingers against the Polaroid picture.

"Me? Are you kidding me! I am the most well-adjusted person I know!" She yelled and threw her hands in the air in frustration. She hated me, I just know she did. And that's what made this whole deal so much sweeter.

"Then tell me, miss perfect." I said in a challenging voice, "why the hell are you hanging around me?" I knew I had her there. Why wouldn't she just walk back to camp? Wouldn't it be so much better than hanging around with a supposed 'ogre' as he worked through his mental breakdown?

"Because I'm waiting for the helicopter!" She stood up once more and prodded her finger into my chest. I didn't even flinch, just kept on the smirk I know she hates. "Once I found you I contacted Chris and he sent a chopper to where we are."

As if on cue the sounds of a helicopter were suddenly audible and started blowing the trees around like crazy. There was no room to land so they sent down a rope ladder and Princess began climbing it. I didn't have any wise ass remark to what she said so I just followed her up the ladder. It wasn't that bad, 50 or so steps until we were inside and we began moving in the direction of the camp.

She stared out the window the entire time, and I didn't bother to try and push any buttons, just holed up into my own brain. But not too far. Never too far. I just thought about what she had seen. What happened when I wasn't conscious. I wouldn't go about asking her now.

"I have your clothes dude." Chris said, trying his best not to stare at my black and blue torso. I muttered my thanks and slipped on my clothes, trying not to get on Courtney's side of the chopper as much as possible.

Chris watched me and Courtney curiously, waiting for something to happen between us. Something funny, something dramatic. But nothing came.

"You missed it." I told him, and he nodded solemnly.

Courtney's head whipped around to glare at me and Chris. "Missed what?" She seethed.

"The sex." I said blatantly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. You should've seen her eyes go huge, I had to bite my tongue so I didn't start laughing right then. Chris wasn't so subtle, he was chuckling already, and holding out a small camera.

"You are such a pig! I would never give myself to you in a million years! How could you even say that?! I don't care about what you are, you disgusting, ugly, thug!" she screamed. I thought she was going to push me out of the helicopter. Thank god the door was closed and locked securely. "I don't want to see your face ever again. Do you hear me? EVER. If you so much as breathe my air, I will personally see to it that you end up with a cellmate that's been there a loooonnngg time. And he'll be wanting something from you." She yelled, then her eyes narrowed dangerously, "and I don't mean money." she hissed.

"Princess…" I said quietly.

"WHAT!?"

"I'm breathing your air right now."

I swear to god steam shot out of her ears at that, and I couldn't contain myself. I started laughing so hard my sides started hurting. Chris was just howling, and Courtney, well she was just plotting our demise. Tonight I should expect to wake up to princess holding a cleaver over my head. Or dick…just to be a bitch.

The helicopter finally landed, and Courtney marched out of it and locked herself up in the girls cabin. The others who were looking around the camp grounds all looked relieved as I stepped off of the helicopter. Geoff wasn't there, so I was forced to go sit with DJ, he was still pissy with me.

"Hey." I said and sat down next to him on the log around the fire pit. He looked at me and nodded, acknowledging my existence. "Look man. I'm sorry that I called you gay." I tried to sound like I meant it.

DJ stared at me for a long time, wondering exactly how to place me. Like he couldn't trust my response. Then he nodded and smiled. "It's alright Duncan. I overreacted." he touched my shoulder again like he did yesterday. Why, why, why was he touching me? There is absolutely no need to touch anyone unless your humping, kissing, or fighting. Other than that. No need.

"Okay." I relaxed slightly and stared off t the water. "Cool."

"Attention campers!" Chris' voice came over the loud speaker. "Duncan is now found. So everyone can rest. There will be a mini-challenge later so make sure you are well rested."

"Do you know what the mini challenge prize is?" I asked DJ.

"30 minute shower." DJ said, looking over at a flyer on the bulletin board. I smirked, that would be just perfect. "Why?"

"How do you feel about screwing people over?" I asked DJ.

He gave me this look, the look of an innocent child who has absolutely no idea why someone would want to their fucking lollipop.

"I think that it's wrong. And I'm not sure why anyone would ever want to do it." DJ said quietly and spat into the fire pit. "Why Duncan?" He pierced me again with that innocent wide eyed child look, that just made me feel so absolutely dirty. And for a minute I didn't want to go along with my scam. But hell, I had to now. She had kicked me in the balls! She broke them! The one part of me that wasn't bruised.

"I'll just talk to Geoff about it." I said as Geoff came walking my way. He looked relieved to see me as he smiled and waved, and I actually felt at ease for the first time since getting out of juvi. Funny little thing friendshits are, aren't they? "Geoff man! What's up!"

"Duncan!" Geoff slapped me on the back, hitting a large bruise. I bit back the wince and grinned back at him. "What happened to you?" he asked me, I shrugged my shoulders.

"Did some sleepwalking. Nothing too serious." I tried to sound easy going as I said it. Then I looked from side to side to see if anyone was looking. DJ had already walked off so I figured it was all good. "I know how we're going to get princess back for that little stunt." I said in a hushed voice.

Geoff looked nervous and bit his lip. "I dunno dude. I thought you already got her back with throwing her into the water." He looked over at Princess, who was talking with Bridgette, both of them looked a little more than pissed. Hopefully she didn't tell her everything…

"Oh come on man. Your surfer babe won't even know that it was you who helped me out." I pleaded. I had something else -- but I wouldn't use it unless I was absolutely desperate. And I wasn't. Not yet.

"Promise?" His blue eyes twinkled, like I was telling him some unchangeable truth.

"Scouts honour." I said and raised my left hand. I never promise anything, that just leads to bad things. Like crazy stalker girlfriends, and people who want their drug money. I never promise anything.

Geoff smiled, as if a giant burden was lifted from his shoulders and leaned back against a tree. "Alright man. What did you have in mind?"

---

Okay, well. This story is going to the shits. I need some serious suggestions as to what I should be doing guys! Please help me out3 I really want some suggestions and I need a plotline!!!!!

Now&Forever

SweetHeroin


	4. Crazy Bitch

**A/N: Thanks for all the suggestions guys. I'll keep all those things in mind : D 8 reviews or no update!**

**And this chapter holds many explicit scenes, though I won't tell you between which characters :D Anyways, there are bold warnings as to where it starts and ends. If you're not comfortable with it, please skip ahead of it. If you are, then by all means. Read it. Though it's hardly good.**

_To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals. _

_- Don Schrader_

It took a while, but it was marvellous. Jello. Lots and lots of jello. We wanted to make brown by mixing all the colours together, but all we could find was blue and yellow, so it turned out green. But green is kind of gross right? The colour of snot, some barf…sometimes even some messed up shit. So green was pretty gross.

There was a bucket full of it, and me and Geoff hid it in 5 giant ziplock baggies tied to the dock to cool down, and for an extra hint of gross.

The challenge was quite simple, and me and Geoff were certain to win it if we _tried_. Which we wouldn't. Instead we would do everything in our power to make Princess win. Even if it means screwing over every other person competing. Lashawna might not be happy about this…or Lindsay. Or any other girl. The guys might not care so much, only Harold takes 30 minute showers…but I enjoy screwing him over anyways.

Unfortunately, I did have to form an alliance with the most conniving person in the camp. Fortunately, she happened to be the best looking girl there, and I was able to convince her with something I've been dying to do since my first day in juvi.

**(EXPLICIT SCENES AHEAD)**

Heather's eyes looked me up and down, and the corner of her lip raised in a smirk. "I hope you know that I'm going to want something in return for this. A 30 minute shower would be so perfect." She stopped and placed a hand on her chin, thinking things over. "What's it worth to you?" The strap of her bra slipped off of her shoulder oh-so-fucking innocently.

"Are you asking me to whore myself out to you?" I asked quietly, taking a step forward and crossing the line of comfortable distance. Not touching. But close enough to show that I was willing to do whatever she wanted.

"For each minute…" She said slowly, thinking things over. "Of the shower, I want a minute of toe curling pleasure." She took another step forward, until out lips were almost touching. I raised an eyebrow. "I want you Duncan. Right here. Right now. And if you're good enough for me, I might just help you."

"You're such a little slut." I growled and smirked.

"You're the one who's whoring yourself out Duncan." she said in a sexy voice. "You're the one who's the slut." Her hand grasped my shirt and tugged me forward so our lips pressed together. Her tongue entered my mouth instantly and we battled for the submission of the other.

I pressed Heather up against a tree and she worked on my belt and fly. I was busy fondling her breasts, working her nipples and making them harden under my skilful touch. She moaned out into my ear and sucked on the lobe, shooting excitement all over my body.

I would most definitely be able to cross Heather off of my 'Get With List'.

My hands moved down to her toned stomach and I dug my nails into her skin, making her arch her back towards me. When my hands got down to her shorts I slipped my hand through her waistband and into her panties. She was fully shaven. My god. This girl was the girl of my dreams. Slowly I moved my hand down the shaven skin and slipped a finger into her wet pussy. She moaned and shuddered and attacked my neck with biting and kissing.

"I'm going to fuck you so hard bitch." I muttered and bit her lower lip until it drew blood. She licked it up and practically purred. "You're going to be screaming the whole time."

"You talk big." She said and stuck her hand into my boxers, gripping me in her hands. Slowly she began to stroke it, and it felt so fucking good. It's been 6 months since anyone other than me has touched it, and now Heather was yanking at it like a pro.

When I got her shorts and panties around her ankles she guided me into her. I couldn't help the soft moan that escaped my lips as I felt the contact. It was so fucking good. Thank god she was on the pill, and I wouldn't need to use a condom.

I thrusted into her deep and hard, her nails were digging into my shoulders. "Fuck…" She cried and I moved my hand to her clit, and started rubbing in small tight circles. "Oh god Duncan…" Her voice hit another octave.

"Like that you little slut?" I whispered into her ear.

"God yes. Fuck me hard Duncan."

I kept thrusting, hitting her g-spot each time, making her hit higher octaves each time. She pressed herself closer to me and groaned my name. It was pure ecstasy. I wanted to cum so bad within the first five minutes, but I held it in with everything I had. It was so good, it couldn't end so fast. God knows it may be the last time I had sex for awhile.

--

After we were done Heather pulled up her shirt and fixed her hair. "I'll take care of Lindsay and Beth. And hold off the others as best as I can." She said professionally and walked back towards the camp. After a few steps she stopped and looked back at me, "You were a good lay Duncan." she said and then continued back to camp.

**(IT'S SAFE TO READ ONCE MORE)**

"Alright guys." Chris said into the megaphone, even though we were right next to him. "What you're going to be doing is an obstacle course." He motioned towards the course Chef had spent all morning setting up. "First you're all going to run through the tires. Then it's time for some monkey bars. After that it's a quick run to the docks. Jump in, swim to the buoy and then come back here. First back gets 25 extra minutes in the shower."

Simple enough. Alright, easy enough to screw people over too.

"Everyone line up!" Chris instructed, and we did along the painted white line. "Oh…yeah. You guys should really really get into your bathing suits." Chris glanced down at his watch, "Alright. Five minutes to get changed."

Everyone groaned and muttered names directed at Chris and we all went to the cabins to get dressed. I kept on a tight black t-shirt and pulled on my swim shorts. After I was done I waited outside of the cabin and found Heather in her tiny sexy black bikini. She was just finishing off talking to Lindsay and Beth.

"Know what would be fun guys?" I heard Heather say softly to Beth and Lindsay. I could imagine them looking up at her all starry eyed. "If we fell behind in the beginning right, and then really worked it to be first at the end!" She sounded confident as she said that to her team mates.

"That is such a good idea!" I heard Lindsay whisper. I could imagine Beth nodding along with Lindsay, doing whatever she said.

So the little sheep were now taken care of, and I know that Geoff would have my back on this. I mean come on, we can't let all that jello go to waste anyways right? DJ probably wouldn't help us out, since he has to be honest or whatever. Mama says so or some stupid shit like that. But he's never been very good at challenges anyways.

"On your marks…"

Everyone got into the ready stance.

"Get set…" I glanced over at Princess, she was looking just about ready to kill.

"Go!"

He blew the whistle around his neck and everyone took off.

This drill was just like all the other ones they made us do at juvi, you know. For minimum exercise. Of course I wouldn't call it minimum. Running through them for an hour, until some of the fat asses are crawling on their knees, creating traffic jams for all of us normal people. Doing this one was easy, and I got to the front of the group easily. Geoff was just behind me.

When I got to the monkey bars I looked over my shoulder and was quite relieved to see that princess was actually trying with this challenge, and was in the front region of the group. The minute she hit the monkey bars in her lane I started to move again -- still being at the front. I hung onto the last bar for a bit until people started coming off of theirs and racing towards the docks.

My time to shine, I thought evilly and started running towards them and cutting in front of them. I would oh-so-innocently trip Lashawna. And just by accident of course I knocked Harold off course, so he was immediately called out of the race. Geoff was working too, except he was slowing people down in a less subtle way.

"Trent! Dude!" I heard him say, and I fought the urge to look back and watch him. "Man, I was just thinking. Us guys need to stick together right?"

As I fought snickers I shoulder checked DJ and fell face first into the sand. Princess was now making her way ahead of me towards the water. In first place. Mission accomplished. That smug smirk on her face was probably from thinking about how great she was. I'm amazed she wasn't threatening to call her lawyer on us for 'stifling the competition'.

"Hey princess! I'm coming for you!" I yelled as I started to pick up the pace. Just a little hint of inspiration for her to pick up the pace.

"Not a chance ogre!" she yelled in her scary voice, and started running faster. Even in those platforms…chick was fast.

Princess made it to the shore and tossed off her shoes before running into the cold water of lake Wawanakwa. I looked over my shoulder and saw that Geoff and Heather had really done their part in taking out the competition. Everyone was well over 13 seconds away from us, and Courtney was showing no signs of slowing down by the way she was swimming. She had nearly 3 quarters of the distance by now! I kicked off my shoes just like princess had and went into the water.

Oh my god did it ever make my nipples stand! They could put someone's eyes out they were that sharp. But I gritted my teeth and stayed good distance behind her. It's not like I couldn't get her, obviously being the male species I was smarter. Faster. And stronger. But I needed her to think herself the best. It would only make the end result sweeter.

She touched the buoy and kicked off once more. Swimming past me and splashing water in my face. Kick, kick, kick, breathe. Kick, kick, kick, breathe. Etcetera, etcetera.

Courtney ended up being the only one racing from the beach up to the finish line, and once she did Chris blew his air horn, and everyone sullenly marched back up to the beach. Me, Geoff, and Heather all tried to look annoyed as we did so, though for that moment, I think we really were all friends. We had pulled off something great, and I don't mean to sound so cheesy but it was the happiest I've been in awhile.

Courtney took the 6 shower tokens from Chris gladly and if the cameras weren't there I think she may have yelled, 'Sucks to be you losers', before walking off in that snobby way. "Can I save the shower tokens for another day?" Courtney asked Chris, batting her long black eyelashes.

Chris smiled back, and batted his, "No." He smiled his million dollar smile and took a step back just in case Courtney decided to swing at him.

"I might, just have to call my lawyer." Courtney said, narrowing her chocolate eyes dangerously.

"You can't." Chris said with an evil smile.

"And why not?" She hissed.

"Because your cell phone's battery is died." He sounded quite happy, finally he wouldn't have to give in to Courtney's stupid lawyer threats.

"Fine." Courtney said with as much dignity as she could manage and then stormed off to her cabin. Time to get to work.

After she was safely locked in her cabin moping I walked over to Geoff, who was failing horribly at flirting with Bridgette. She looked completely uninterested and a little bit annoyed. "Geoff. Come on dude. We need to talk." I said and pulled him away by the collar of his shirt. He came unwillingly, but I didn't care. When we were far away from all earshot I nudged him in the ribs. "Time to get back at Princess." I whispered in his ear.

Geoff smiled, and when everyone departed from the area I sent Geoff to fetch the bags of jello. I would be doing the part of making it come out of the shower head. While I was waiting, I took a little detour though I have to admit.

**(EXPLICIT)**

"Hey Duncan." Heather purred and entered my personal bubble. "Think about me?"

"You and only you." I said hoarsely and grabbed her firm ass. "So, are we going to be making this a daily thing? Or are you just going to leave me hanging?"

"I think a daily thing would be quite suitable." She said and sucked on my neck. How she knew it was _that _sensitive, I don't know. "Maybe one day I could bring in Lindsay." she said as she nibbled on my ear.

"Tell her she'll be sucking on a lollipop?" I laughed.

"Sure. Something like that." Heather got down on her knees and unzipped my shorts. Then she looked up at me straight in the eyes just like a porn star or a damn hooker. So sexy. "Fuck buddy." She said in a sexy voice and licked her lips.

"Oh my god…" I whispered as she pulled out my throbbing member. She stared down at it for a second, running her finger along the head making me want to burst right there like some sissy. But I held it in and watched as she continued to torture me. She pumped it a few times slowly and painfully, and I couldn't smother the moan that escaped my lips.

After the first few pumps though she started to add more speed, and gain a rhythm. It felt incredible, but the only thought was _Dear God put it in your mouth!!! _And she did, she took the entire thing in her mouth, making my eyes jump out of their sockets. Not for a second did she break eye contact, and they were telling me everything. How much she loved giving me head. How I was the only one. She was a fucking pro.

Her hand moved down to my testicles and she massaged them gently as she sucked. I held on for about fifteen minutes before I finally allowed myself to release, and oh my god did it feel fucking wonderful. Heather didn't spit it out either, she took the entire thing in her mouth and swallowed just like a well paid hooker. Oh my god I think I found love.

After I came she locked me in what would be the most breathtaking kiss if it didn't taste like crap. She walked away right after that, her hips swaying in the most tantalizing way. I'd have to pay her back later on this week.

**(ITS SAFE AGAIN)**

"Dude! I've been looking for you!" Geoff said, waving his hands. I nodded in his direction and walked over to where he and the bags of jello were parked. "She's getting ready right now for the shower man. You gonna do it?"

"Of course I'm going to do it! I didn't form an alliance with the she-devil for nothing." I said sarcastically and grabbed all the bags of jello. "You keep watch alright? This is my only shot at getting back at princess sufficiently.'

Geoff didn't know what sufficient meant of course. But he nodded and walked around the corner to keep watch. Then I got to work. It didn't take long, only a matter of minutes of pure genius. I had done something similar to the girls change room when they had littered every boys washroom with tampons and pads. Except we had dyed the water red and made it look like blood was pouring on them. Oh the screams that came from the washroom. It had dyed some of their skin for days. The perfect revenge.

Once I was finished I casually walked over to the entrance of the communal washrooms and leaned against the wall, waiting.

An ear splitting shriek came from the washroom, as Courtney came bursting out hardly able to keep up her towel. She was covered in green slime (I guess it didn't cool to the right temperature) and trying to get it off the best she could. From rubbing it off, to shaking, jumping up and down, and of course the ever effective screaming.

The entire camp was now gathered around the washroom, watching the show that princess was putting on. Everyone was laughing -- hard. Even Bridgette had to laugh a little bit, privately. Chris again had his camera, and the entire camera crew was filming it.

"Son of a bitch!" she cried, "It's all over me. It's touching me! Ew, it's so fucking gross!"

She _swore_. Princess was actually out of line. This was perhaps the greatest day of my life. Tears started falling down her face in frustration, and she was red, and blue, and green…actually I think she was changing colours with emotion. Kind of like those Christmas lights.

"Chris! What is this?!" she shrieked, trying now to compose herself. Despite the jello that was crawling down her body. It was so funny. "I am going to sue your ass so hard until you have nothing left!" She cried and ran off towards the lake, everything jiggling in the right ways. It did get me kind of horny I hate to admit.

The camera crew and Chris chased Princess down as she ran off to the lake to clean off and so did everyone else watching the show. Only me, Heather, and Geoff stayed behind, laughing until our sides were going to split.

"Do you think she knows it was me?" I asked them when we had finally calmed down enough to speak.

"Yeah man. No doubt." Geoff said and chuckled. "She's going to get you back so bad dude."

"Yeah, well I'm not scared." I said and rolled my eyes. I was secretly scared, just a little bit. She was a tough girl, and pissing her off could prove to be a very, very bad decision. But there was no point in worrying about it now was there?

"I've got some hash that can help you out man." Geoff said and pulled out a Ziploc baggy filled to the top with weed. I jumped in front of him and blocked the bag from the view of the cameras.

"You idiot." Heather said and shook her head. "They could kick you off for having that shit on here."

"Oh come on man. I see Chris and Chef smoking it all the time." Geoff said.

"Just don't advertise it man. We can smoke up in the forest sometime, but don't just whip it out while we're in plain view of like, three fucking cameras!" I hissed and Geoff sadly stuffed the weed back into his pocket. I never would have guessed, I couldn't even smell it on him.

People started coming back up from the lake, and Heather quickly departed from us and went back to her cabin. Courtney hadn't come up with the rest of the group, and neither had Bridgette, but I didn't dare go down there to see what had happened.

--

**Yeah, okay. I really hate this chapter. It may or may not be rewritten. I'm not sure. But anyways, what did you think? I now know exactly what I'm doing with this story, so I hope it turns out well. And yes, the story will get more…disturbing from here on. So I will put up warnings whenever scenes with drugs, violence, or sex come up. Please review. They make me happy. **

**Now&Forever**

**SweetHeroin**


	5. Hits From The Bong

**A/N: Okay, this is a warning to everyone. The story is going to get more dark from here on in. There will be less fluff and more into Duncan's past. And I do not care the order of the show. I do not care about the order of the challenges and whatnot. It's all irrelevant to the story. **

**And to Jenna: Thank you for the kind words. They meant a lot to me. The reviewing doesn't matter too much, but it gives you this sense of joy when people actually take the time to respond because they liked it. D so us struggling writers make people review or no update. It's sad yes, but it does work…slightly. **

_God has abandoned you,_

_Fear does not serve you_

_Your heart has betrayed you_

_Only the music can guide you _

_- Unknown_

I snuck out that night again for my nightly cigarette. Jackie; part of the camera crew was awesome. I was friends with her favourite lesbian cousin (who is currently now doing time in juvi) and so she bums me a few cigarettes every day. It's really cool of her. Though no there is no such thing as anything for free. A lot of the time I'm helping her lug equipment places so she doesn't have to make two trips. It's totally worth it though.

Anyways, I lit my cigarette and dragged it deeply. Wishing I had something stronger than fucking nicotine. Something stronger than weed as well. Maybe sniff a little bit of coke. That would be fantastic right now. In the middle of nowhere. Especially when all I have are my thoughts and memories to keep me company. Something I definitely do not want. No matter how good of a day it was, I cannot escape the past.

A shiver ran up my spine, and I wished for the second time that night that I had brought out my hoodie. But it was too late now, and I was too far away from the stupid cabin. So I turned up the volume on my mp3 player (Gallows) to try and numb my body and mind. Of course it didn't work.

_Take these teeth_

_Just for a second I need some fucking relief_

_Their keeping me awake and I can't sleep_

_Can you drain the blood?_

"Mom," I whispered and pulled out a Polaroid picture of her and me, from the time my dad had walked out on us. We were at the zoo, and I was 5, in front of the giraffes. I wanted to be one of them. "I fucking miss you." I said hoarsely and stuffed the picture back into my pocket. In a way I didn't want her to see what I had become.

People will say that their loved ones are looking down on them, but I know my mom can't see me. She's too deep in hell right now. She had practiced one of the seven deadly sins for years. I doubt that Heaven would accept her after that without a confession. I would be joining her soon enough though.

I inhaled the smoke and held it inside of me for as long as I could. Until I knew I wasn't going to break down and start blubbering right there. God knows someone could be watching. With all of these cameras I wouldn't be surprised. Anyways, in juvi you weren't allowed to cry. Not unless you had a damn good reason. Like being stabbed five times and smacked around. Or having your entire family assassinated. You couldn't ever show an inch of weakness. Otherwise you wouldn't make it.

_Oh yeah, mommy would be real proud of you now Duncan. _

The voice in my head said, and I had to literally shake it away. Until my thoughts were blurred like they had been stuffed in the blender, and I thought of what had happened today. It was a damn good day. I saw Princess nearly naked. I hurt her. I made her feel angry, scared, proud. I tore her whole world down and that was totally worth it.

Though a strange feeling did come from the pit of my stomach. I think it's guilt. She really hadn't done anything to me. Was nice to me until I gave her a reason not to be. So really I'm the one who deserves the ass whooping…but she would probably give me that later anyways. Right?

A cold breeze came out of nowhere and I finally gave in to going back to the cabin. Sleep would be a fucking great thing right now. Maybe I'll forget a thing or two, right? Just for a little bit.

I walked back into the cabin and crept over to Harold's bunk. I had found a spider on the way there and let it crawl off of my hand and onto his face. Hopefully it would make it's way into his mouth and down his throat by the time he woke up. That would be wonderful.

After I was done that business I got into bed, and sleep hit me right as my head hit the pillow. I don't remember dreaming about anything that night, which is just the way that I like it. Morning came too soon though, it seemed as if I had only closed my eyes for a second.

"Morning." Geoff murmured to me and padded out of the cabin with his tooth brush and toothpaste. Geoff had made it a habit to skip breakfast on Thursdays, since that was when Chef would serve his rock hard pancakes…and those broke your teeth. I followed him out with my toothbrush handy.

"Sup? How'd you sleep?" I asked casually as we walked down the rocky path in our bare feet.

"I slept fine. But I kept waking up thinking Bridgette was there." Geoff ran his fingers through his blonde mop. "I must really be in love this time man." He muttered and pushed open the door. You'd think that one of these days me and Geoff might just remember to bring some shoes with us. The floors were more disgusting here than at any McDonalds I have ever been.

"Dude. We should've brought shoes." Geoff said sadly and took the first step onto the gross linoleum.

We brushed our teeth saying the occasional thing to one another, that is…until Princess decided to come into the washroom. Everyone froze, and stared as she marched through the doors in her baby blue pajama pants and matching spaghetti strap top (which I could totally see her nipples through by the way) and into the stall. It was also silent as she peed…which was a little more awkward, and Geoff giggled.

She flushed the toilet, washed her hands and dried them and left. Just like that. No smiles. No angry looks. No threats about suing or anything. I must really be in trouble now. Geoff could feel it too I think because he gave me a look that clearly said, 'glad I'm not you, dude'.

Whatever. I can handle whatever Princess can dish out. I've been through worse and hell, I've turned out okay, right?

"Beach then?" I asked, and Geoff nodded,

Our plans were partly ruined though, because just as we walked out of the bathroom doors Chris blew his air horn and everyone was called to the beach. He was standing by the elimination campfire with a giant grin on his face. I did not like it one bit.

"Good morning." He said cheerfully and took a seat on a log

"Attention campers!" Chris's voice called over the campground speakers. "Everyone meet out by the campfire. I have some good news!"

Everyone gathered at the campfire with hopeful looks on their faces. I on the other hand know that Chris is an evil sadistic person, so I didn't bother to muster up even a morsel of hope. It wouldn't be good for us -- Christ, even Geoff looked hopeful. I thought he of all people would understand that it would be bad.

Chris joined us after everyone was there, and he walked in front of the fire pit with his million watt smile on his face. "Alright, now that everyone is here I think it's time to tell you all the good news." He paused for dramatic effect, and everyone held their breath. "In about a week, you're all going to be splitting up into pairs and camping in the wilderness for three days."

"WHAT?!" Leshawna burst out, "How is that good news?" She glared at our small white host.

"Let me finish." Chris said, glancing over at Leshawna in annoyance. "You'll each be given supplies, a personal video camera, and an emergency cell phone." Chris pulled out a backpack, a camera case, and a cell phone from out of nowhere and set them down in front of him. Then he pulled a map out of his pocket of the lake and all the small islands around it. "You'll be staying on one of these islands. And since there are 14 of you left, there will be a pair per island."

"There is no way that is legal!" Courtney said, glaring at Chris with all her might. If she wasn't such a goody two shoes I think she would've killed me and Chris long ago. "You can't just send us out into the wilderness with nothing!" She threw her hands up in the air.

"If you would all stop interrupting me, I will be able to continue." Chris said loudly, over Princess's annoying voice. When all was silent again Chris cleared his throat and continued. "Each of the islands are closely monitored by cameras that are set up _everywhere_. If you stay on the beach there will be no problems. And there will be 24 hour watch men on the cameras. If we take the helicopter we can be at each of the islands in exactly 7 minutes."

"Are you finished?" Heather asked impatiently.

Chris smiled and nodded. Quite pleased with himself. Then the complaints started coming in from every angle. Even I started yelling things here and there just to have some fun. After all, he was torturing us. After all the complaints died out (which was maybe 20 minutes. Things started getting rowdy and Chef Hatchet came out and started threatening us with a crowbar.)

"We have already paired you all up in order to get highest ratings." At least he's an honest bastard. "I will read off the pairs now." He cleared his throat

Bridgette and Geoff

Heather and Lindsay

Izzy and Owen

Trent and Gwen

Katie and Sadie

DJ and Justin

Duncan and Courtney

"WHAT?!" Both me and Courtney yelled in unison. When I think about it obviously Chris had paired us up. But it was a fucking shock. I didn't want to spend three days alone with princess. Not even if she stayed on the other end of the island.

"I cannot be stuck with that Neanderthal for three days!" Courtney yelled. "You have to switch me and Geoff." She demanded. Woman laying down the law.

"NO!" Geoff cut in, everyone stared at him, and he turned red. "I just really wanna get to know Bridgette…you know."

I rolled my eyes and walked up to Chris, trying to intimidate him. Just maybe. "Look, I cannot be stuck with Princess. You have got to switch us, or I'm not going to cause an ounce of drama buddy."

"Oh, like that's possible." Courtney said and rolled her eyes.

I turned on my heel to face her. How could she even say that to me? Like honestly, she was the drama queen here. And she got what she deserved. No one ever fucking messes with my nutsack. "You. Shut up." I said loudly, "You're the one causing drama with me." Then I turned back to Chris, keeping up my tough guy notion. My god I must've made an ass of myself. There were no cameras rolling in my face, but I know that there was at least one taping my idiocy. "You. Have. To. Switch Me." I said, trying not to sound like I was pleading with him, and more like laying down the law.

Chris smirked smugly at me (that fucking bastard) and looked over his shoulder where Chef Hatchet was, aka the serial killer. Hatchet glared at me and bared his teeth. Needless to say I backed the fuck off.

"There will be no switching. No hiding. No killing oneself, and definitely no trying to swim off the island. It is impossible." He smiled and looked at the annoyed faces of everyone else. "You all have the rest of the day off. Use it to your advantage. Tomorrow there will be much blood sweat and tears." He winked and walked over to Chef.

"Fucking perfect." I said between gritted teeth.

"It's not going to be so bad dude. I mean…she might just ignore you the whole time." He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, I shrugged him off and kept silent. Unfortunately Geoff does not know when the hell to shut up. "Sometimes you just gotta look on the bright side of all of this. She is pretty hott."

I glared at Geoff with everything I had in me. My god, how could someone actually be this dense.

"Wanna smoke up dude?" He asked out of nowhere, pulling out his bag of weed. "It's BC bud man. The best." I grabbed the baggy and smelled it, it smelled good.

"Yeah man. Let's go." I said and we started walking towards the cliffs with a purpose.

**(Scenes containing drugs)**

Geoff rolled his joint with the utmost skill, this was probably the only thing he was really good at now. "I've been smoking up for like…8 years now." He said as he exhaled and passed the joint to me.

"So that's where all your brains went." I said sarcastically, and he grinned and nodded. "Ah well. A smart Geoff wouldn't really be a Geoff at all." I inhaled the THC goodness and let the euphoria take over my body. This was the way that life should be. I hadn't touched weed for over 6 months, I was such a bloody light weight. One hit wonder. Yeah, that was me. And I was proud.

"I should've brought Stephenie man." Geoff looked absolutely devastated. I cocked an eyebrow at him and he sighed, "My bong. She's two feet man."

"Whatever." I said and inhaled. Oh my god I don't think I've ever felt so good. Everything was…soft. I could just fall back, and the ground would be like landing on thousands and thousands of down pillows. It would be so amazing to sleep on. Because the world you know, it just needs a little bit more sleep. "I miss Heather." I said out of nowhere, I don't know where the thought even came from. I suddenly just missed her with my whole being.

"Let's finish the joint then grab her and we can all smoke up together in harmony man…" His voice trailed off, like it was going down a tunnel.

"Yeah. That would be perfect." I said and started giggling. Geoff looked at me funny, "Dude, dude, dude." I grabbed his shirt to make sure he was paying attention to me before I toked. "Me and Heather, we're like in love man." I laughed again and took a deep breath, trying to inhale some sanity. "We're like in love with each other's sex. It's like, she's so perfect when we fuck…I think I could love her forever…as long as we didn't spend time together. Ya know…"

"Oh my god man. That's like, so cool. I wish I had that with…with…" He dragged the joint. "With Bridge. I think she'd love me…."

"Man…you and Bridgette…wow. That would be wonderful." I said solemnly and wrapped my arm around his shoulders.

We roached the joint and Geoff put it in a baggy. "Let's find Heather then." He said and we walked through the forest, it was an adventure. Everything seemed to be onto us. Every little critter knew we were high as kites. Even the stupid squirrels that were passing us. They looked at me with their beady little eyes and glowered at us. They said, 'I KNOW'.

"Fuckin squirrels…" I muttered and kicked a rock shaped like a squirrel.

When we finally got into camp all I could honestly think about was food. And how good a sandwich would be right now.

Then I saw her. She was sitting with Gwen and Bridgette at the docks with a smile on her face, and she looked so beautiful. I just wanted to fall to my knees and sing my love to her…but that was far too complicated. So instead I gallantly walked over to her, and stared intensely down at her with my blue eyes. They were so gorgeous. I bet she creamed herself at that moment.

"Hey princess." I said smoothly,

Her eyes ignored me coldly and she stood up and started walking away.

"Babe!" I called after her, "What's going on?" I grabbed her wrist and spun her around. Her hand connected with my cheek, but I didn't feel it until a second after.

"You're stoned Duncan. Get lost." She said coldly and pulled away.

I stood there in a daze, watching her leave. Seriously. What the fuck had I done wrong? I took in a deep breath of fresh air and walked off in a daze to find Geoff. Instead I found Heather who was chatting with Lindsay and Beth. She motioned me over with the crook of her finger.

"Sup ladies?" I said as I leaned back against the cabin. Then I looked at Heather and smiled dreamily that I know she just loved.

"Duncan…have you been…" Beth lowered her voice, "Smoking marijuana?" she whispered, I could hardly hear her.

I smirked and put my hands behind my head, "Maybe." I reached out and touched Heather's shoulder, showing that I was talking to her. Just in case tweedle dee and tweedle dum didn't get it. "You wanna join us, oh foxy lady?"

"You stupid little criminal," She smiled, so I guess it meant yes and we sauntered off to find Geoff. The bearer of the weed.

We found Geoff with Bridgette, he was once again trying to pull at her heart strings. Instead I think he was just starting to piss her off. Heather saved him by grabbing the collar of his shirt and dragging him away. My attempts to smother my laughter was long gone, it was just funny. Geoff was clawing at the ground. He had no shot left with that blonde beach babe.

"You suck!" I declared and slapped him on the back.

"Man, that's not very nice…" He said quietly

I just laughed and we went off deep into the forest by the cliffs again to get stoned. Me and Heather had sex. We all lived happily ever fucking after.

The End? My ass.

I found Princess later that night during my nightly cigarette. She completely ignored me as she brushed past my shoulder, not even a glare for my cigarette. I thought that day would be absolute heaven. But for some reason I felt…lonely.

This world is messed up.

_He walks like a zombie with footsteps of death_

_Taking his time, he's running out of breath_

_- Lost Souls, Me_

_---_

**Yes. Interesting eh? Most of this chapter is kind of a filler. Anyways, more to come. Keep reviewing, keep reading. **

**Now&Forever**

**SweetHeroin**


	6. Because Of You

**A/N: Sigh, well. I kept getting reviews so here's the update. And thankies!!! They mean so much to me and I was so surprised when I got all of them. You guys are the reason why I write! Thank you! Oh, lots of foul language and explicit scenes.**

_If you want loyalty - get a dog. If you want loyalty and attention - get a smart dog_

_- Grant Fairley  
_

Waking up next to Heather was well -- a giant ego boost. We fucked behind the cliffs where there were no cameras watching. Then we walked back still high and fell asleep. All the guys in the cabin stared open mouthed at us. Heather wiggled her fingers at the guys before standing up and leaving the cabin in nothing but her booty shorts and bra. All I could think of was, 'yeah, I tapped that!'

"Nice going!" Geoff said and we did a lame high five.

"Did you guys…?" Trent's voice trailed off and his face was tickled bloody pink.

I winked at him. "Everything you can think of and more." Trent's face turned a deeper shade of pink and he mumbled something about going to find Gwen. Trent was such a virgin it's not even funny.

When I looked over at DJ and Justin both of them looked uninterested in anything I had to say. Actually, both of them seemed pretty interested in one another. Faggots perhaps? Well, it was none of my business anyways. One of my best friends is gay when he's drunk and tried to stick his tongue in my mouth a few times. A few other times I let him, and I woke up spooning him. Of course we were both fully clothed, so I'm pretty sure that nothing beyond kissing happened. But if it did. I was most definitely pitcher. My ass didn't hurt.

"Tell us what happened!" Owen cried as he literally bowed down at my feet.

I raised both of my hands and said in a very clear voice, "Now, now. I'm sure you don't want to hear ALL of the horny details." Geoff was at my feet right next to Owen as I finished that sentence. I felt just like John Travolta in Grease. "Alright. I'll tell you." I said and both of them looked like they were about to cry from happiness. This reminded me so much of Grease it wasn't even funny. For a second I wanted to start singing 'Summer Love'.

I took a seat on the bed and thought back to last night. Sadly the night was mostly a blur, we were all so stoned the details were a fucking blur!

_Time to think fast Duncan. _

"Kay. So we were super high. And so we went over to our special place -- no Geoff. I ain't sharing my spot with you. Anyways, she totally got down on her knees and sucked me off. Then when I finally thought I'd cum…she stopped right." Geoff and Owen sucked in their breath waiting for my next words. "Then we fucked. And she was screaming my name. Look at my back." I turned around to show my back that had been scratched raw.

"Sure you weren't trying to rape her?" Justin sniped. I glared at him wishing I could punch him. But if my parole officer watched it I would most definitely be jailed again.

"If I was trying to rape her it would've been my face, jackass." I tried to sound non-chalant about it, but I know DJ could sense my anger. My god did I hate that cocky bastard.

"Yeah man. And why was she in bed with him this morning?" Geoff agreed. "Don't be a buzz kill." Geoff had my back. That was a sign of true fucking friendship. I mentally thanked him and sent him much straight man love.

Justin shut up after that and left the cabin, DJ left shortly after. Probably to river dance or whatever. I talked to Geoff for awhile then I decided to leave to for my morning cigarette by the cliffs. Geoff was never invited for a cigarette. I had to work for those damn things.

I walked all the way through the forest to get to the cliffs; it was my new morning routine. Right after I heard that I would be going to a damn island with Princess. And only Princess. There was one thing I didn't expect though; I didn't expect Princess to be sitting over the edge of the cliffs staring down at the island. Taking up my perfect privacy spot.

Ah well, she already knew I smoked. I didn't even bother trying to be quiet, I just climbed up the cliffs and stood as far away from her as possible then lit my smoke. She still wasn't acknowledging my existence. Oh whoopee.

"So you've been abused and you're going to take your anger out on me?" Came her voice, it wasn't loud and demanding anymore. It was her real voice, the scared one that I bet she keeps locked away at night. She may have thought I was vulnerable, but not even close to as much as her. "Are you really that cruel?"

I thought about it. I thought about all the anger I was harbouring ever since I was a little boy. Was I really directing it somewhat at Princess? Probably. It made sense. So I shrugged. "Yeah, pretty much." I was expecting to see her dangerous angry face. You know, nostrils flared, eyes into slits, teeth bared like some damn cat. Instead she laughed as if she were beaten completely. But I doubt that.

"You're so pathetic." She looked me directly in the eyes as she said that and took my cigarette from my lips and crushed it with her shoe before walking off into the woods. Leaving me short one cigarette and all my fucking pride. A strange feeling broke over me then, something I had never felt directed towards a woman. I can't explain these feelings any better than that, but it scared me; it scared me so much I ran my fist into a tree and swore when I heard a crack. Slowly I retreated my hand and moved it, it hurt. But it wasn't broken. My knuckles were bleeding and bruised. It took away the scary feelings and I slumped down against the tree.

"Duncan. Baby, what's wrong?" Heather's voice purred, and she appeared from the trees.

"Hey babe." I said weakly and kissed her forehead when she curled up against me like a girlfriend would. I wasn't comfortable with it, I'm not a cuddly touchy feely guy. I'm more of a punchy bleedy type of person.

"What happened to your hand?" She cooed and lifted my hand gently so she could closer inspect it. I jerked it away quickly and put it behind my back before she could do anything else.

"Nothing. You know, you're acting very Un-Heather like." I looked down at her, completely submissive. Something terrible had happened and I had to stop it. "We're doing this for just the sex. I thought you knew that."

Heather pulled away from me and glared, looking at me like I was an idiot. "I know that you jackass. I won't try to be nice anymore. Fuck." She stood up and walked away after that, leaving me just like princess had. Though it was a lot less infuriating when she did, probably because I was wishing her gone. If Heather came back tonight the sex would be fucking wild, that's for sure.

Why did it feel like my life was going in all different directions? Everything was going so fast I could hardly keep up with myself. At least there was one good thing about the boat trip. Princess would be ignoring me and I could clear my damn head. And it was just one chick after another getting mad at me, I couldn't be surprised if Lindsay and Beth started getting angry with me too.

I sighed and stood and headed back to the camp. At sunrise we were leaving and that meant that I should start packing sometime today. But after getting high again with Geoff -- and maybe nicking some of that weed that he had, being baked for three days straight was definitely a good idea to me J

The walk back seemed a lot shorter than the trip there, maybe because this time I actually wanted to clear my head. Clear my head of all the shit that was happening so fast. Wondering why the fuck Heather was being so clingy when I thought she was cool. That she understood the rules to fuck buddies, or friends with benefits or whatever.

Then I thought about princess. I thought about how she messed with my mind, how she was creasing me somehow in a way I had never been creased before. And right as I thought about that I was stepping out of the forest and thinking that I needed another cigarette. I was about to turn around and go back but Geoff spotted me immediately and ran over in his happy go lucky way. Fuck sometimes I hate that guy.

"Duncan! Man, where did you go? I was looking all over for you. We've got a pancake breakfast man!" Geoff cried and grabbed my arm to pull me along to the trail.

Just two more days before we were leaving…

_There's a thin line between love and hate, and I just wonder where you come in_

_- Me  
_

--

**Kay. Well, again. I despise this chapter. It's all just filler until I finally get the story going to where I want it. Anyways, sorry if it goes too fast, I'm not going to redo this. Please review!!!!**

**- Sweet Heroin**


	7. Best Enemy

**A/N: Got an anonymous review saying how there wasn't enough fluff. Well, what do you want me to say? I'm not writing one of those over done DxC story. ****THIS IS NOT A FLUFFY STORY! I REPEAT! THIS IS NOT A FLUFFY STORY! ****It's dark and it goes into Duncan's past and his head from the way that I view his character. Deal with it :P **

**Oh, and thankies for all the support. I'd never be able to update without you guys (L) much love there.  
**

_With my hands on my mind_

_I hold wounds that won't mend_

_With my eyes open wide_

_I can see...It's the end..._

_-17, Celldweller_

_--  
_

The wail of an air horn woke us all up from our sleeps and Chef Hatchet kicking down the door, yelling things about the military and push ups and death, and losing our balls. We all jumped from our bunks and ran from him outside into a line, just like the girls -- in their nightwear. My gaze immediately fell onto Heather, wearing only a pair of boy shorts and a thin white tank top, so thin that you could practically see her nipples poking out.

"Nice toga there Duncan." Heather said coldly.

If I had any feelings at that moment I might've blushed, but I was too cold and too tired to care. I liked to sleep naked, who cares? It's not like I flashed everyone -- unlike Harold, who did on a weekly basis (Though that mostly was me and Geoff's fault)

"Like what you see?" I asked her smugly and watched her face contort into anger. Obviously still mad about me reminding her of the rules…whatever.

We were stuck outside in the cold for thirty minutes before Chris came outside, wiping his mouth with a napkin. "Alright, thanks for waiting guys. I was just having an awesome meal one of the interns had made me." He burped loudly then pulled out a piece of paper and stuck on reading glasses. "Anyways, today is the day you all set out on a voyage. A voyage that will last three days. On the third day at noon you all will head back to the camp, the first pair that wins will get a dinner out." He folded back his glasses and put them into his breast pocket, waiting for complaints. But there was none. It was too early in the damn morning, the sun was just coming up.

"Alright. Well, there's ten minutes before you all have to set out, so if you haven't packed get to it." Chris said and he and Chef took a seat at a picnic table and pulled out more food. Everyone turned away mumbling things about how unfair it all was and turned back to the cabins.

All I had to do was zip up my duffel bag and I was finished. Instead of going back to sleep though I walked over to Geoff's bunk and stretched out on his bed. "Sup dude. I was wondering if you could spare any of that fine grass." I said as nicely as I could .

"Yeah, sure man." He replied automatically and grabbed the entire baggy and tossed it to me. "I'm quitting the stuff. Bridgette hates me for smoking weed." He sounded miserable, but determined, and I didn't argue, just stuffed the bag into my duffel and thanked god for uptight women.

Geoff kept silent after that, maybe from tiredness, or maybe just because he had no other thought in his brain that I didn't already know.

I scanned the room at other people packing. Everyone had their weird things. DJ packed his teddy, Trent and his guitar -- serenade Gwen until she gets in the sack with him. Owen was stuffing every available space with packaged crap. And Justin, well that fag had about a thousand different moisturizers and lotions for different things. He had a lotion meant for his fucking kneecaps for Christ's sake!

"I have to keep myself beautiful all the time. Modeling agencies could see this, and if I get one pimple or mosquito bite I will be ruined!" He had explained again to Trent who was also watching him carefully load all that crap into his portable make up box or whatever. Normally I'd say something about being gay, but I was too damn tired. Fuck I was tired, and dreading the thought of Princess and me alone for three day -- if she didn't kill me I'd kill her.

"Put on clothes." Justin said as he brushed past me to brush his teeth for the second time that morning.

--

We all stood outside again and seven boats were tied up to the dock, Chris gave some last minute instructions that no one listened to then sent us on our way.

I grabbed a boat on the end and dropped our bags down onto the boat, making her glare at me.

"I have important things in there worth more than your life." She barked and took a seat, crossing one leg over the other. I had to bite my tongue not to mention how much of a priss she was being. I'd spit in her dinner tonight -- that was for sure.

She refused to row, surprise surprise, so I was forced to take on both oars and row us out into the lake. Neither of us said a word, the tension was so thick you could've cut it with a knife, and the skirt she was wearing was riding up ever so slowly and it took everything in me not to stare at her lacy pink panties.

Each row was harder than the next, just thinking about the boredom, the thinking, how I had zero distractions, and the fact that she wouldn't even spare a glance at me. It seemed like we'd been on the boat for at least an hour and a half -- but maybe it was only thirty minutes. Involuntarily I found myself trying to piss her off, trying to fucking get a reaction, but I got none. From swearing to rocking the boat nothing worked, so then I got an idea. I had a big bag of weed, and now was the perfect time to use it. Without a second thought I reached into my duffel bag and pulled it out. Courtney finally noticed that I stopped rowing and stared at the bag in horror.

"Want a hoot when I'm done rolling Princess?" I asked her with a smirk, she turned away once more, her lips twisted into a scowl. "Nah, I didn't think so. This stuff is for the naughty girls an' boys. Innit?" I hummed my favourite song by Cypress Hill as I rolled, 'Hit's from the bong' just to irritate her further.

After I was done I stuck the joint into my mouth and lit up the other end and took a long hit, loving the taste, the smell, the way it made me feel, even after that first one. I held it in for a few seconds then blew out the smoke into Courtney's face, "You sure you don't want any? It might just pull that stick out of your tight ass." I was pushing it. I was really fucking pushing it with my words, but still. Nothing. Zip. Zero. If it wasn't for the weed I might have yelled in frustration.

Every second of every day counts, and you have to make at least one person miserable, or it's like a waste. A waste of power. And well, me like, pissing off princess was like making ten people miserable in one day. It gave me great pleasure and joy…seriously. And after I was half way through the joint it all came clear to me, everything. Lie like a dog. Make her jealous. Yeah, that was just about my style.

"I fucked Heather you know." I told her bluntly and smiled. She looked at me in disgust, but probably secretly wanting me, always wanting me. "I love her, seriously. We're going to get married and you can be the fucking bridesmaid. And you'll always be a brides maid, know why?" she didn't respond. "Because you're never going to put out for anyoneeeeeee." I rolled my head as I dragged out the word, now not only thinking deep. But looking it too. She had to be _so fucking_ jealous…

There was a long silence, and my head was thinking on it's own. Turning into a complete downer and it was suffocating me, the reason why I'd only smoke weed in groups for years...I had forgotten that damn side effect though. Little bit of damn fine print missed.

"Sometimes though…" my mouth wasn't in control anymore, all my thoughts were pouring out. "Sometimes I think it's all fucking pointless and meaningless. Since…I'm not even a real fucking person. I'm just…am. A robot…or some shit like that…what if I don't bleed? Sometimes I don't feel, even when I'm like…fucking beaten to a shit." I couldn't control it, couldn't make any sexist comments, couldn't anger her, it was like…I was being controlled by Bridgette! Or some other fucking hippy. Or maybe just the weed, silence turning me into a downer. FUCK.

"You're a person, just a mean one. A void of all feelings." Courtney said quietly and suddenly stepped out of the boat. I expected her to drown, fall, but her foot touched land and she began pulling in the boat like she hadn't said the harshest things in the world to me. If I was human, I might've cried, but I didn't. Instead I helped her drag the boat out of the water and settled down on a soft patch of sand.

Courtney however was dragging out the backpack that Chris gave each of us, filled with everything. She pulled out a small container that was marked 'Tent in a tube' opened it, and threw it away from the both of us. Instantly a four person tent popped up and Courtney smirked in self satisfaction.

"Now make me a meal woman." I grinned at her and pawed at her prickly unshaven leg. She merely shook me off and walked to the tent. "Aw, come on. Don't be like that. You spoke just a minute ago!" I yelled after her as she disappeared into the tent. "Must be on your period." I said a little too loudly, and her hand appeared from the tent and flipped me off. "Bitch." I mumbled and laid down to look at the clear blue sky.

"Maria, oh Maria. I'll let you inside." I sang under my breath; nonsense. Nothingness. And closed my eyes, finally realizing how damn tired I was. Just for a second. "Maria…"

_There was always a gold locket around her neck, and engraved in it was the name 'Maria'. Her name…that beautiful name. The most beautiful name on the entire planet. Duncan remembered staring at the locket for hours, where it always sat right above her breasts, right next to a little mole on her chest. Maria was her name, god Duncan loved her more than anyone or anything. _

_Maria smiled down at him, and her translucent hands gently caressed his boyish face, "I love you Duncan." her voice was melodic, and brought tears to Duncan's cold eyes. "You'll always be with me." she whispered into his mind and stepped back, or floated back. He couldn't distinguish her footsteps due to the long white dress she was wearing, like she was an angel…she was an angel. _

"_Don't go…" Duncan squeaked, realizing he was 8 years old again and missing her…missing the love. Needing the love. She was the only one…other than…other than…_

I flinched awake, and realized my entire body was soaked in sweat. It was just a dream, she was gone. Maria was gone. Slowly I sat up and wondered where the hell Princess was, and if she had made us a meal. Looking around I spotted her sitting on a rock with the video camera that Chris had given us, it was pointed at me, and she was talking to it rather loudly.

"Ah, there he is. Woken up. Taking a nap all, while I -- the CIT was busy catching fish and setting up camp." She sneered at me and started walking towards me with the video camera. "You. Ogre. Pathetic excuse for a human being. What do you have to say for yourself?"

The camera was staring at me and I was at a loss of words, so I did the first thing that came to mind and flipped the camera off, "Get out of my face, you witch." I said and started walking in the opposite direction, though Courtney was stubborn and followed me, yelling after me.

"You can't go into the forest at night you Neanderthal! It could be dangerous! It's written here in the rules!"

I looked back at her holding up an official looking sheet of paper with a big red stamp on it. When she finally caught up I snatched the piece of paper from her and read the rules.

1. Do not go into the forest after the sun set has started.

2. There will be no romance with Ms. Courtney Rodriguez

3. No swimming farther than the eye can see

4. No violence

5. There will be no sexual innuendo or snide remarks to Ms. Courtney Rodriguez

6. You will follow these rules or you will be sent straight back to juvi.

Ms. Claire Brown of Foster & Foster Agency

"Fine. I'll bite." I growled and tossed the pristine piece of paper back at her. Courtney then huffed and walked away, mumbling things into the camera as she stalked off.

--

_Sick of this mind and the games it plays_

_Mental enemies want to push me back again_

_Here they come running wanting me up on that_

_Tree crucified (wait a minute)_

_-- Stay With Me (Unlikely), Celldweller _

**A/N: Alright. I'm sure you're wondering who Maria is exactly, and all will be answered in time. Please review and tell me what you think :D **

**Oh, and the story is just scratching the surface of Duncan's mind. And things will become more and more disturbing as time goes on. Consider yourself warned. **

**Now&Forever**

**SweetHeroin**


	8. Special Needs

**A/N: I just realized something. If someone were to draw a picture of a TDI person's penis then it's probably be square. Bwuahah D **

_If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us._

_**-- **Hermann Hesse_

_**--**_

"_Now Duncan. What do you think when you see this." The stuffy old counsellor asked, holding up a card with a cartoon man on it, at the bottom it read 'Dad'. Duncan was 9, not a little baby worthy of stupid kids flashcards. It was all such bullshit, it's not like Duncan took any of it seriously. None of it would change anything. _

_The room that he was stuck in had four doors, but no windows. Crude drawings were hung up on the ugly purple wall that was made for this second rate psychiatrist. She was a fat woman that hardly seemed to fit in the armed leather chair in which she was seated. _

"_I wish that my mom was a lesbian." He replied with a smirk (the start of his trademark) _

_The counsellor sighed, "Honestly Duncan. If you don't help me then I can't help you. Then when I report to your mom she'll be upset that you didn't try." _

_Duncan froze, thinking about what she had just said. Could it be true? Would she really be upset? That was the last thing that he ever wanted for his mom. Slowly he swallowed all the insults and snide comments he could make and decided to answer almost completely honestly. _

"_He's perfect like every other dad in the whole world." Duncan said quietly and rubbed his cheek, where there was a purple bruise. There was no way that he was going to cry in front of the stuffy lady -- no way in hell. _

"_What about your dad? Why isn't he like the rest?" she pressed, peering over the notepad like a vulture leaning in for the kill. _

_Duncan kept his eyes straight ahead, trying to pretend he was really in front of the TV instead of with this old hag. If he told her, then he was going to be taken away from his mom -- and she needed him more than ever. _

"_Duncan?" She said again, her voice holding the slightest hint of a warning. _

_Duncan thought, That means dad's going to take off his belt. _

"_Nothing. He is like the rest." Duncan sat straighter and spoke a little louder, the counselor didn't believe him but she didn't press. The fat lady scribbled something down on her notepad and nodded to urge him to continue. When Duncan didn't say anything she picked another flashcard with an ugly school on it. "What do you see here?" _

"_It's a school." He said quietly, "With adults who think they see and know everything. But they only care about the good kids. Not bad ones like me." _

"_And why do you think you are a bad kid?" _

"_Because that's what they told me." His voice cracked, shit. He looked at a crayon drawing of ugly stick people in front of a house, with a blue ugly stick dog that had little x's for eyes. Duncan didn't like the way it looked but stared at it anyways. _

"_The students did?" _

_Duncan glared up at the woman, wasn't she listening to him? Everyone told him that. The principal did. The teachers did. Everyone. They. He didn't start any of the fights, he merely finished them. You can't let people push you around. Never, never, never. _

"_Everyone." He said through gritted teeth and picked up the stress ball that was on the floor next to his feet and started squeezing it with all his might. Stupid woman. _

_It was silent except for the scribbling of the fat lady. Duncan tried to make her explode with his eyes but it didn't work, no matter how much anger he applied, not like Matilda. _

"_Have you told your parents?" _

"_Why?"_

"_Because they could help." _

"_No."_

"_Was it one of them that gave you that bruise?" she indicated to the sore purple spot on Duncan's cheek that he had been rubbing on and off throughout the entire session. _

"_What bruise?!" He yelled and brought his hand back up to his cheek to hide it, to protect it. "There isn't anything there. You're lying!" _

"_Duncan, calm down. I'm sorry just --" _

"_No! Just leave me alone!" Duncan hopped to his feet and ran towards one of the doors but it was locked. He ran to the next and the next but all of them were locked, the key hung loosely on a chain by her disgusting cleavage. Without realizing it Duncan started to cry. _

_A tissue box was shoved into his face, he looked up and there was the evil fat lady who locked him in the room. There was a smile on her face and Duncan wished his dad was there to wipe it off -- the only time he ever wanted to see that man. _

"_Why don't you sit down again and take some deep breaths. Then we'll continue." _

_There was no choice, even though it sounded like a question he knew he wouldn't come out of here without having his mind thoroughly analyzed. Duncan nodded and moved back to the ugly red couch thinking, 'If there had been a window I could've just flew out of here' _

"_Alright. How about we change the subject. Do you have lots of friends?" _

"_The person next door sometimes lets me go with him and his friends." Duncan mumbled quietly, absently fingering the rosary. He thought of Brent, and how he had got his skateboard with him. _

"_How old is your neighbour?" She inquired and pushed up her glasses._

"_Fourteen" _

"_You don't think they're too old for you?" _

"_No. Why?" Duncan looked up at her with his cold eyes, daring her speak her mind. He needed to get out of there before she found out a secret. _

"_Boys that age are on a different maturity level, don't you think it might be nice to have someone your age as a friend." She smiled too sweetly, showing her stupid gums. Duncan cracked his knuckles and tried to let it go, why wasn't she listening to him? Taking him seriously? Well, that was easy. Because no one took a nine year old boy seriously, especially one with a Mohawk. _

"_No one wants to be my friend." He said through clenched teeth, how much longer until an hour was up? _

"_Why not?" _

"_You're not listening to me."_

"_What makes you say that Duncan?" _

"_Well, what do you think?" He asked, arms crossed against his chest, eyes a little red from crying. _

_The lady opened her mouth but was cut off by the sound of knocking on the door. Quickly she rose to her feet and scurried to one of the doors. Opening it just a crack Duncan could see the smiling face of his mother and could've cried from the happiness he felt at that moment. _

"_Hi Karen. I was wondering if I could have Duncan back now. I promised him a trip to the library tonight and it closes in an hour." She smiled warmly but Duncan could hear the frustration masked in her voice. It was the voice she used while she was speaking to Duncan's teachers and principal. _

"_Well, we're not exactly finished and I would like to be able to get something done today…" The fat lady's voice trailed off and she looked back at Duncan, who looked like an orphan getting adopted. "You see he hasn't been very cooperative." _

_Duncan sunk into the couch, begging for his mom not to be angry with him. He tried to cooperate, but she just never listened to him…then she told him what he did was wrong. Just like all the teachers -- a stupid fat person who only liked the good kids. Not bad ones. _

"_Well, he's been in there for fifteen extra minutes and I want my son back now. Judging by the look on his face he's ready to go now." Her cold blue eyes pierced into the woman's and Duncan cringed, she was angry with him. _

"_Alright. Duncan," The fat woman turned to the sullen Duncan on the couch. "It's time to leave. Your mother is here." _

_Slowly Duncan hopped off the couch and stepped outside, out of the office that had no windows. His mom's face was rigid and he chewed on his lip, waiting to get scolded for not helping the fat lady out. In his head he gathered up all the reasons why she sucked and he shouldn't get into trouble. _

_His mom stopped in front of the elevator and pressed the down button. Instantly the doors popped open and the two of them stepped inside silently. Duncan glanced up at his mom and wasn't sure if the fact that she wasn't looking at her was a bad sign. _

"_Duncan," His mom said gently, Duncan cringed. "I'm sorry about her. I thought it might be good for you. But obviously she was a bad counsellor, wasn't she?" The smile on his mom's face was sad, and Duncan felt the guilt overwhelm his small body. _

"_I'm sorry. She wouldn't listen to me though! She was like always blaming me for everything that happened. It wasn't fair!" Duncan pouted and looked up at his mom, gauging her reaction. _

"_I know that." She wrapped her arm around his shoulders, "You don't need to explain. I know a bad egg when I see one." Removing her arm Mrs. Pierce kneeled down next to her son so she was eye level. "And you, are not a bad egg." She touched his nose and smiled. "It'll be different someday Duncan. You'll see. Once I make enough money we'll run away from here. And move to Florida, that'll be a fun place don't you think?" _

_Duncan nodded and wrapped his arms around his mother's neck and allowed her to lift him out and carry him out to the car. Despite being nine years old he was very small for his age and weighed about the same as an average 5 year old (leading to a lot of teasing)_

"_Where are we staying tonight?" Duncan mumbled against his mom's shoulder._

"_Derek is letting us stay the night in his used bookstore." She answered, "You remember Derek right? He took you out for ice cream once." _

"_You mean the one all covered in tattoos?" Duncan asked, a hint of admiration in his voice. Tattoos automatically made someone cool in his books. _

"_Yup. He's the one. And his cat is going to be there too. Daisy? Or Lily? Or something like that" _

_The rain was coming down hard by the time that Duncan and his mom made it to the bookstore. Mrs. Pierce rapped her hand against the ugly painted door and wrapped her jacket tighter around her and Duncan. A moment later the door opened and the smell of soup wafted to their noses. _

"_Derek! You didn't have to do that!" She exclaimed and wrapped her wet arms around him. "I owe you big time. You're the best." _

"_Don't worry about it Sunshine." Derek smiled and placed a careful kiss on her cheek. "I've brought some blankets and pillows down here. I'm sorry I can't offer more." He stuffed his hands into his pockets and shifted on his feet. "Nancy has no idea though. She'd go insane…" his voice trailed off. _

"_Don't worry about it, kay Derek? We'll be out of here before you know it." She replied and looked down at Duncan who was hiding behind his mother's leg, staring up wide eyed at Derek and the tattoos on his bald head._

"_Promise my dad won't find us?" Duncan asked quietly, taking a step out from behind his mom's legs. _

_Derek smiled and ruffled Duncan's hair. "I swear that he'll never find you here. Not even in a million years!" _

"_Thank you." Duncan mumbled and noticed the fat tabby cat that rubbed against his legs._

"_Alright. Well, good night you two." Derek took a step towards the door, glancing backwards at Duncan's mom and smiled warmly; a smile that Duncan understood as being more than just friends. The door closed and they both watched him walk to the car and drive off. _

_Duncan pet the cat and looked up at his mom who was leaning against the counter and shaking her head. Grabbing the backpack he wandered into the backroom where all the blankets and pillows were and started going through the bag, pulling out a clean pair of pajama pants. _

_Then he took a look around the room, where there were books piled twice Duncan's height and random posters with creepy looking people on them. Where the eyes seemed to follow him wherever he went in the room…_

"_Mom…are you coming?" Duncan asked and pulled off his torn jeans. He listened for a reply but got none, "Mom. Please? I don't like being alone in here…" his voice trailed off and he still got no response. Sighing he pulled up his pajama pants and took off his shirt before walking back into the front room where Mrs. Pierce was standing. "Mom…are you okay?" Duncan asked quietly and tugged on the drenched overcoat. _

"_Hmm?" She shook her head and looked down at her son. "Yeah, I'm coming, I'm coming." she mumbled and followed him to the back._

_Duncan crawled under one of the blankets and turned away as his mom changed. When he knew she wasn't looking he peaked over his shoulder at as she stripped; peeling off her shirt, staring at the lace back of her bra. He could feel things stirring inside of him and it seemed like such a natural thing. Brent had said that these things would happen to him, since it had happened to Brent whenever he looked at Duncan's mom. _

_Mrs. Pierce unhooked her bra and pulled it off, making Duncan wish she would turn around so he could just see her maybe once. She had said that when he was a baby she used to breast feed him -- he didn't see why he had to stop because he was a little older. _

"_You wanna choose a book for me to read to you tonight? Derek has a great section of children's books." She said and nodded her head back at the front room. _

"_Kay." Duncan mumbled and took one last look as she pulled on an oversized t-shirt before walking into the room and turning on the lights. "What kind of book should I choose?" he asked the cat quietly as he bent over and scratched it behind the ears. _

"_Mreow." he replied and ran off. _

"_See if he has I Love You Forever by Robert Munsch." he heard him mom call and he looked, finding it almost immediately. The stupid book with the baby by the toilet. _

"_I hate this story." Duncan griped, but secretly smiled. It was his favourite book, he hoped his mom would do that for him when he grew up. "It's boring. He grows up and the mom breaks into his house." He said as he flicked off the lights in the front room and closed the door. Taking a seat next to his mom under one of the blankets._

"_Yes, well. When you're old and married I won't be bothering you. Just the grandchildren." She smiled and pulled his small body onto her lap. _

_--_

"Duncan, wake up. It's morning." Courtney's prim voice tore me from my sleep and I almost wanted to shake her for doing it Those were probably some of the best memories I had with my mom and being taken away from them was almost as depressing as…

"There's breakfast. Even pigs deserve a meal." she said and I heard the zipping of the tent and the sound of her shuffling out of the tent.

"Coming." I mumbled and followed her out, not bothering to put on any clothes.

"EW! DUNCAN!"

--

_I couldn't notice_

_The things that were just signs_

_Just kept thinking everything was just fine_

_- Pine Cone Hill, She's No Minor_

--

**A/N: Yes, I know. A little different. There you go. A day in the life of little Duncan Pierce :D hope you enjoyed it :D Oh, and check out She's No Minor on you tube if you like Paramore. Their a decent band. **

**Now&Forever**

**SweetHeroin**


	9. I Hate Everything About You

**A/N: Awhile ago I got a review from Rebecca asking me to write a chapter in Courtney's POV, well. Here it is :DD just for you Rebecca. I know, there have been rather random chapters, but their all help with the story sort of. I promise!!!**

**Know what I hate? When I see fanart and Courtney's skin is milk white. She's what? Spanish I would say and yet people draw her as a Caucasian. It's annoooyyyinnnggg!!! T_T**

_Every time we lie awake, after every hit we take_

_- I Hate Everything About You, Three Days Grace_

--

My god, I just can't stand him! The whole time we're here he's been sleeping, smoking pot, and drinking alcohol. It's ridiculous! I would be taping this so I could get him kicked off the show but he always used the stupid thing to try and tape me while I changed or swam! I thanked every god on the third day so I could tell Bridgette everything.

Duncan somehow managed to crawl out of bed one morning after drinking and smoking marijuana until he passed out on the beach the previous night. The tide was coming in and he would've drown if I hadn't dragged him into the tent and taken off all his clothes so he wouldn't catch pneumonia. I might just add that a normal person may have let him get sick and drown but I am a CIT. And I will not leave anyone behind, no matter how repulsive that person is.

"This oatmeal is sticky." Duncan looked up at me with his bruised sleep ridden eyes and sneered. "Take it back woman!" He shoved the plastic bowl into my face and turned away like it was my duty.

"If you don't like it don't eat it. I don't care. I'm not a chef, I'm a CIT and future prime minister. I do not need to take orders from the likes of you." I replied and walked off to the tent.

It had been 20 minutes exactly since I had last eaten and decided it was time for a swim before heading back. In the tent I pulled my bathing suit out of my bag -- though it looked smaller than usual. I bit into my lip, there was no way that he would do such a thing and slowly I stretched the pieces out. My hundred dollar bathing suit was _ruined_.

My once very cute shorts had been butchered into a flimsy despicable bikini bottom and my top. My god! He cut it to make it look like a very skimpy bikini top! That pig. And of course I had only brought one bathing suit with me. And it was ruined!

"DUNCAN!" I yelled and stomped out of the tent wearing the disgusting thing (I still had to swim) "What did you do!?" I screamed and kicked him in the side.

Duncan slowly looked up at me, his pipe lolling between two fingers. "I think you look hot." he answered simply and laid down on his side. "Now shh. Go do your exercises, I need to sleep." he said and closed his eyes.

I stared at him for awhile, trying to intimidate him in some way -- if any. Unfortunately he didn't seem to care, he only had a stupid smile on his face and eventually I just gave up. I did have to keep in shape. I mean -- I had eaten so much.

As I got to where the water beached I just ran into the water, forcing myself to endure the cold of it without a single cringe or complaint.

_Daddy's rule no. 1 - Hide any form of weakness_

--

I swam until I couldn't possibly kick once more. Daddy would be so proud. As I crawled up the beach I felt a little sick and couldn't possibly imagine rowing all the way back to camp. I decided Duncan could do that bit again. I mean I had been the only one doing anything productive during the stay.

--

As I dug through my bag I noticed something poking out of Duncan's. He was sleeping on the beach and it wouldn't hurt just to peak, right? Inside the bag I found two large bottles of alcohol and two ziplock baggies. One of them was huge and filled with either oregano or marijuana. Obviously it was the latter though. The other baggy though was filled with white powder along with a small rectangular mirror and a dirty looking razor blade.

With a shaking hand I picked up the bag with the white powder in it to get a better look -- obviously it wasn't sugar or any other baking good. Obviously it was cocaine.

Outside Duncan was napping on the beach and the video camera lodged under his arm. He looked almost innocent in his sleep and almost at peace. It was really a good look for him, and I remember my mom telling me about her cousin who became addicted to cocaine. She said he turned into a completely different person, a mean person.

Without a second thought I snatched both bottles of alcohol and two bags of narcotics and rushed to the beach. Normally I wouldn't pollute the water like this, but it was a serious situation that could endanger my life and let's face it -- I'm the most important person Canada has ever conceived. So there was no way I would ever put myself or Canada at risk. I dumped all the contents into the water and watched it wash away. I must admit I did feel a little smug about it, like I had just done such a great thing.

A minute later as I stood watching the water Duncan shot up and immediately his eyes fell onto the empty bottles and plastic bags.

"Courtney!" He yelled, standing up straight to his full height. I had never heard him say my name never mind using that tone. Fear coursed through my veins and everything went ice cold as he walked towards me. His eyes locked on mine and set ablaze with fury and disgust, I had never been so scared in my entire life.

He snatched my wrist and yanked me forward so that our faces were inches apart. "What have you done?!" he snarled, digging his nails into my flesh. I winced but said nothing as he continued to yell. "Don't you ever go near my stuff again! You hear me!" He yelled and raised his fist, his rings gleaming in the sunlight.

Helplessly I stared into his eyes, watching the madness in them. All the colour had drained out of his face and veins were popping out of his neck. I was so scared I couldn't even try to escape.

"This is how people get hurt Courtney. You need to learn what the real world is like." he hissed and I closed my eyes, waiting.

--

_Every feeling that I get, but I haven't missed you yet_

--

**Anyways. I despise the way I wrote that -- does my writing seem worse to you? Feedback would be lovely. Anyways, thank you for everyone who reviewed! They mean the world to me. You guys rock.**

**Now&Forever**

**SweetHeroin**


	10. Staring At The Rude Bois

**A/N: Sorry about the crappy chapter before this, so. Hope this makes up for it. It's a looonnnggg one. Lots of flashbacks and into Duncan :DDDDD Progress yay! Oh! And thank you guys for 100+ reviews!!! I posted a fluffy story as a gift! `When Pigs Fly`, check it out.  
**

**WARNING: This chapter features disturbing themes. If you are not comfortable with this please turn away.**

**--**

_You're a shade too gold for me and my hands are never clean_

_I wish I could take it all away, so you'll be just like me_

_Me, Three Falling Apart_

**--**

Courtney shook in my grasp, her eyes were locked onto mine and pleading. Despite the voice in my head screaming at me to stop all I could do was watch the scene unfold before me. Slowly she closed her eyes and chewed on her lip, waiting for the punch. My raised fist was ready for the hit, but the voice wouldn't shut up.

_Duncan, calm down. Before you do anything stupid just look at her face, imagine yours. Where have you seen this before? I know you have Duncan, and don't make me open up that can of fucking worms. Put it down, or you'll remember…everything. Come on…that's right just do it, just like you practiced in anger management. _

Slowly I put down my fist and forced it down by my side. Next I pried my fingers off of her arm and her eyes opened. I counted to ten before I trusted myself to speak.

"Get out of here Courtney." I hissed and shoved her away, just for good measure

Sad and pathetic Courtney fell and scrambled up to her feet, still dressed in that stupid bathing suit and ran off into the forest.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit!" I yelled and slammed my fist into the nearest tree, "FUCK!" I yelled as I heard the crack and fell to the ground, cradling my hand and inspecting the damage. My knuckles were were scraped and red, probably going to bruise latrer. Biting my lip I attempted to move them but stopped after the first burst of pain.

Never again would I touch a woman like that. I couldn't even make a fist now. The skull on one of my rings had broken off and the others were scratched and dented. A long with the gold one I kept on my ring finger -- the only one that seemed to mean anything.

"Fuck…me…" I groaned and slowly twisted the ring off my finger, biting down on my lip to try and ignore the pain. The shape of the ring was ruined but I could still read the name engraved into it -- Thank god. I ran my index finger over the name and held it tight in my (good) fist.

Slowly the pain in my hand dulled to a throb and it was limp as I balanced my arm on my knee. It hurt, but I deserved the pain and it also kept my mind focused. Something I would need since she got rid of everything. That bitch, touching what wasn't hers to touch. Digging into business that was too much for her.

The thing that scared me most though was when I was going towards her, before I grabbed her, before I touched her I saw the look of real fear -- and it made me angrier, but it also gave me a sick sense of pleasure that excited me more than anything I had ever felt before. The voice in my head kept whispering things into my head, quietly so that they would barely rise to the surface. But they were there, I could feel them breaking the wall in my mind.

_Duncan heard the screaming coming from upstairs, but he didn't move from his spot under the desk, just like his mother said. He couldn't. He wouldn't. Mom had told him not to move. And anyways, he was too scared, why was he so scared and pathetic? Tears were streaming down his face but no sound came from his lips. Not even when he watched the feet walk right past him. Looking for him._

"_Duncan. Come out, come out, wherever you are…" His father cooed in a sing song voice that sent shivers up Duncan's spine. _

"_Leave him alone!" He heard his mother scream and stumble down the stairs. "You just leave that poor boy alone. He's your son for god's sake." _

"_He doesn't even look like me!" The beer bottle in his father's hand smashed into a hundred little pieces, Duncan closed his eyes tight and pretended he was in another world, wishing Maria was there. "That sure as hell ain't my son. You fucking whore." _

"_Well I wouldn't need to do it if you weren't high or gone half the time." His mother snapped back, and his father walked over to the small brunette woman. "I quit my fucking career to have a kid with you and this is how you repay me?" He heard something being thrown, and probably colliding with his father's gigantic head._

"_Goddammit! You fucking bitch." _

_Duncan covered his ears and tried not to cry out. _

"One…two…three…four…" I mumbled, running my finger four counts forwards, then four counts back. Keeping my mind busy. I had been doing it for a minute, and if I could wait a minute that means I can wait another minute. "One…two…three…four…" I mumbled and moved my finger through the sand four counts forward, and four counts back. I continued for another minute and I decided I could wait. Did I still want to cut? Yes. "One…two…three…four…please don't make me wait no more." I groaned and shuffled over to the baggy that used to contain my stash, but now it only held my mirror and razor blade. Good thing the razor blade was all I would need.

Next to me was the camera and I propped it up onto the log and focused it on my leg as I rolled up my shorts and unveiled the marks that I'm ashamed of. Next I grabbed my razor and pressed it into my flesh, it hurt and mixed with the constant throbbing from my hand.

"Geoff man. If I die before I leave this show I want you to find Maria Dautry, and I want you to tell her what a fucking bitch she is for leaving me." I said into the camera and held up the ring. "And I want you to give this to her -- and tell her how she killed me. She lives in France now. Find her."

After that I turned off the camera and stared down at the ring and her name engraved into it ever so elegantly. Just looking at it hurt more than my fist, more than any beating I had ever gone through. Because no matter how much I hated her for leaving, because she did. She left me when I needed her the most -- right after I was taken away, I called her number a thousand times but the operator said that it wasn't a valid phone number. How could she walk out like that? After I loved her so damn fucking much?

Would I allow myself to think back to it all, I had asked myself, but it was too late. I was already thinking about it.

_The cherry blossoms were out, that was Maria's favourite time of year. They had agreed to meet in Heaven, so there Duncan stood, waiting in a n opening where the river ended. The place was covered in started off for the place, just like the olden days she had said. She wanted Duncan to wait for her, she wanted Duncan to think she was worth it. Cherry blossom petals and lush green grass. They never set a time so he woke up at the crack of dawn and headed over to there -- Heaven._

_Duncan sat against a broad trunk and closed his eyes, the day was perfect, and she would be there any minute. He was sure of it._

"_Duncan." Her voice echoed softly. She never needed to say anything twice, Duncan couldn't miss a word of her melodic voice. _

_He got to his feet instantly and turned to face her. She smiled at him, dressed in a plain white cotton dress and bare feet. Dirt was smudged along the edges of her dress and thin scratches covered her arms and legs. Just looking at her took Duncan's breath away, she never was so beautiful._

"_Maria." He breathed and opened his arms. Immediately she came running into them, throwing her tiny arms around his neck and burying her face into his shoulder. "It's been too long." _

"_It's been 50 moons." she whispered and pulled away, a small smile on her lips. She placed her pale hand against his cheek, he was shocked at the deadly cold of it. "They're trying to take me away from you." She said seriously and slipped the gold ring off of her thumb and placed it into his hand. "You can't forget me." she whispered. _

"_I could never forget you." He murmured and put the ring over his ring finger. "You are my sanctuary." He brushed her red locks behind her ear and kissed a pale cold cheek. _

"_As for me too." She pressed her lips against his passionately, they only had moments together on meetings like these -- before one of them got taken away. They had to move quickly so as not to be seen running between pages of their lives. _

There are no such thing as tears when it came to my family. There were only emotionless masks, thick walls to keep things together. Tears weren't able to touch my eyes since she left me. What was it? 3 years ago. She was with me my entire life until I hit 13, then suddenly she left me without another word. I don't remember that time, I don't remember much about any of it but I do remember a lot of yellow and white pills.

_beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep._

What the hell? I thought and jumped to my feet. Something was ruining my monologue, what the hell was it? "Shut up!" I yelled in the direction of the beeping -- but of course the damn thing didn't stop. "Please?" I asked as I scrambled to my feet and crawled into the tent to dig through Princess' stuff.

_beep beep beep beep beep beep beep_ _beep_

After a minute of throwing clothes everywhere I finally found her PDA at the bottom of the bag and on the screen were the words, 'TIME TO LEAVE ISLAND'.

Was it the third day already? I had thought, I couldn't even remember the days if it had been. Everything had been a blur just the way that I had wanted it to be. Courtney's PDA said it and I decided since she was uptight I might as well drag her back and we would win the damn challenge from hell.

It wasn't fun getting dressed but I managed it and dragged my ass into the woods. I tried my best to stop the bleeding from the cut I made but there was no luck so I just let it trickle down my leg as I walked -- actually tickling me.

"Princess!" I yelled, "Princess. It's time to go back to the island. I'm sorry." I yelled out again and kicked through more trees and bushes and the outdoors. It was almost impossible to see anything more than three feet in front of me the forest was so damn thick. "Courtney! Come on. I'm fucking sorry! You shouldn't have stolen my stash though…just…come on!"

_Yeah Duncan. That's the way to coax a woman into going to you. Be sweet you stupid prick._

"Courtney. Look, I've fucked up. I'm fucked up, and I shouldn't have taken it out on you. It's just…look. Can we talk about this in person?" Just use the whole 'You can save me' technique. All woman fell for it -- and Courtney was no exception.

From out of nowhere she rose and stared at me chattering. Her eyes were red and puffy and goose bumps were covering her body. Still in that pathetic excuse for a bathing suit. Without a word she stepped out in front of me and lifted her chin and we both headed back to the beach. Her wrist was purple and there were tiny crescent shaped welts from my nails. My stomach turned and I tried to turn off the voice in my head that I knew would start up again.

_You're just like your father. _I thought grimly and kept my head up higher.

It took a few minutes to get back to the beach and when we did Courtney immediately started scouring the beach for our boat -- just like I had been doing.

"Where's the boat?" I asked her, again she was giving me the silent treatment though and shrugged her shoulders.

We continued searching for five, ten, thirty, forty minutes and each minute we looked my anxiety heightened. The boat was nowhere to be seen. I searched all along the shitty beach and through the bushes. But there was absolutely nothing.

Finally I turned back to our campsite and saw Courtney sitting in her normal clothes staring at the bruise and giving me a giant fucking dose of guilt.

_Just for doing that to her you deserved your shitty life. _

_Fuck you…_

_You know you do. You're just like him. _

I shuffled over to Courtney and took a seat next to her and showed her my ugly looking fist. Silently she stood up and walked into the tent, "Fuck." I mumbled and ran my good hand through my hair. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck."

To my surprise Courtney came back out from the tent carrying the first aid kit. Without saying a word she plucked my crappy hand out of my lap and into hers. Then she pulled out bandages and a hot/cold pack. With expert skill she bandaged my hand and gave me the now cold pack I guess it would be called.

"I guess it's a perk of being a CIT." I said and laughed weakly, she didn't respond. "What are we going to do? The boat is gone, should we just wait for the helicopter to get us?" I asked.

"My phone can't get a connection so I suppose so." She replied and retreated into the tent. A moment later she poked her head out and glared at me. "And do not go through my stuff, Duncan. Or should I express my anger in the same way that you do."

Low blow! Low blow!

"You already have on my family jewels, babe." I replied and rolled onto my stomach. "Should've seen the bruises on those. But I don't see you apologizing."

"Neanderthal." Courtney hissed and ducked back into the tent.

"_Just wait here for mommy. Okay Duncan? Mommy will be right back…" She kissed his forehead and crawled out from the tunnel. "I love you more than anything babe." she whispered and wiggled her fingers before walking away. _

_Duncan knew the drill. And he knew what his mom was doing. His dad left again, and they needed the money bad. He knew what his mom was doing. Despite only been 6. He knew a lot of things no one else did. Maybe that's why the kids were so mean to him whenever he went back to school. _

_He sighed and pulled out his small pocket knife that his mom gave him and started working on the skull he started last time. How many hours this time until mommy returned? 3?5?10? Never? It wouldn't surprise him, that's for sure. _

_Once he was stuck waiting in the tunnel for a full 24 hours before his mom came back. When little kids had come to the playground to play this blonde little boy kept wanting to go through the tunnel. But Duncan refused to budge. This brought on problems with the mother of the child. And she tried to use her authority over him. No matter what the lady said, Duncan would reply with 'Mom won't be able to find me if I move. Mom won't be able to find me." Eventually the little boy and his mom stormed off._

_He wiped a tear that fell from his blue eyes and pulled the blanket up over him that his mom left him with. It was going to be a long night. He could feel it. _

--

The sun was setting and there was still not a sound of a bloody helicopter or anything. No alerts, no flares. Nothing. We were stuck with no boat and limited supplies, what a fucking day!

"Wanna boil some water and have some instant Ramen?" Courtney asked as she stepped out of the tent, holding up two foam containers that had 'INSTANT RAMEN' written on the sides. She didn't wait for me to reply as she tore off each of the lids and put the seasoning and vegetables into each, not bothering to ask me if I wanted any in it or not.

"Princess. Have you noticed anything strange about this shit island?" I started and waited to gauge her reaction.

"What do you mean?" Courtney asked as she grabbed my lighter and waited for the dead grass to catch fire.

"I mean like have you even noticed a single camera around here? The ones at camp aren't exactly discreet, I mean we can see basically every single camera that's there. So why would Chris even bother trying to hide the ones here. Do you think maybe -- we're on the wrong one…like this is one that Chris hadn't intended us to go on?"

Courtney's face fell serious and she paused from her fire building to actually consider it. After a minute she shrugged her shoulders and continued. "I don't think so. Look, lets sleep on it. And if there's no help after tomorrow we should build a raft." Courtney decided and looked rather smug.

"Yeah, alright princess." I muttered and took the pot that she held in front of me to fill with water. When I came back Courtney was leaning back and the light of the fire made Courtney glow. I stopped dead in my tracks and stared. The glow of the fire silhouetted her perfectly and made her eyes sparkle as she glanced up at me slowly.

"Hurry up Duncan!" She barked, and suddenly she wasn't attractive anymore.

"Here." I muttered and handed her the pot of water. She stuck it over the fire and brought her knees up to her chest, staring at the pot.

The water took forever to boil, and finally when it did we had to wait three damn minutes for the noodles to cook. We ate in silence, slurping down the food like our lives depended on it. When Courtney finished she excused herself and zipped up the tent, obviously not wanting my company. My sleeping bag, and pillow were outside of the tent waiting for me. With nothing else to do I unrolled my sleeping bag and forced myself into a cold sleep.

_Maria held out a small almost translucent palm, without a second thought Duncan took it and welcomed the gesture into her arms. Resting his face against her chest he listened to the hypnotic rhythm of her heart beat and forced the thoughts out of his head. _

_Her fingers were laced in his shaggy black hair, fingers massaging his scalp in an attempt to soothe his nerves. _

"_Shh…it's all over now. It's going to be okay." she whispered and kissed his sweaty forehead. "Don't cry, or you'll make me cry, silly." _

_Duncan looked up at her through her tears and took her face in his hands. "Stupid. You can't cry. Otherwise I'll feel worse." A small smile hinted at the corner of his lips as he moved in to kiss her; brushing his lips softly against her thin pink ones. "And then that'll make you feel worse…then me, then you. And it'll go on and on forever." He kissed her again and brushed his thumb across her cheek. _

"_Stupid." Maria whispered and blinked away tears. _

--

Crying. Crying is what woke my from my sleep. It sounded almost identical to my hers and it's what brought me out of my sleep in the first place, she was here. She was back. Without thinking I jumped from my sleeping bag and unzipped the tent, thinking, praying, knowing I'd find my Maria. Instead I found Courtney.

Through teary eyes she looked up at me and mumbled something under her breath. Then she wiped her eyes and waited. "What do you want?" She asked.

"I thought you were someone else." I replied and took a seat next to her, so close that I could feel her body shaking. Without thinking I pulled my arm around her shoulders and tugged her closer to my body, just like mom had for me so many times before. "What are you crying about princess?" I asked quietly.

"Nothing." She said self consciously and avoided my gaze, but I noticed her eyes drifting back to the place that I do not want to mention ever a-fucking-gain.

"Just a sec." I mumbled and reached over, unzipped the flap that separated the two 'rooms' in the tent. I dug through my duffel bag and found my flask. Without a second thought I leaned back so I was next to Courtney and took a swig from the bottle. Then I offered it to her. "It'll help you forget." I said gently.

Almost mechanically she took the flask out of my hands and took a long swallow, coughing a second after it was all down her throat. She shoved the bottle back into my face and turned the other way to pout again.

I took another drink and thought carefully of what to say. It wouldn't be easy -- not with a spitfire like Courtney. Random words wouldn't make it better. She was a classy girl who needed a classy well thought out conversation.

"What do you think?" I asked her with a smirk.

"How could you drink that stuff?" she mumbled quietly and wrapped her arms around herself. "It's disgusting."

"I think you're a lightweight." I teased and jabbed her in the ribs. Courtney didn't appreciate it though and batted my hand away. "How about another sip. It gets easier when you do it more. Just trust me." I shook the bottle, and again to my surprise she grabbed it out of my hand, and forced more of the awful stuff back. She offered it back to me but I held up my hand. "No. I want you to finish it. It's my way of…apologizing to you." I decided quickly and that surprised her.

She turned to face me, waiting for my explanation. I shook my head though and moved a little bit farther away from her.

"Just drink your alcohol and you'll feel better." I instructed, and like a toddler she did as she was told and drank more, and more.

Twenty minutes later Courtney was drunk. Not pissed drunk or shit faced but just past the point of being tipsy, and she was overly affectionate, pawing at my shoulder and leaning her head against it. A smile was plastered on her face permanently it seemed, when just that morning she probably hated my guts.

"Are you drunk?" I asked as I nudged her in the ribs.

"Nahhh! I'm just haapppeeee." she sang and swayed, a second later colliding back into my chest. "Very very happpeeee. Dunnncann. I know now why you…why you love this stuff." She smiled and leaned forward, so our mouths were nearly touching. Her breath smelled terrible. "Let's go outside and you can tell me a story by the fire!" she said excitedly and stood up, swaying slightly as she scrambled out of the tent. I followed her out and grabbed a couple of blankets just in case she got cold.

When I sat down in front of the fire she immediately sat very close to me, so she could cling onto my arm. "Tellll mee why. Or I won't be happpee." she said seriously and watched my face with her drunken eyes.

"My dad liked to beat me up." I said simply -- completely sober. "And he also beat up my mom. I grew up watching that stuff…I guess it's fucking instincts…" My voice trailed off and I looked down at Courtney, who had the saddest damn expression on her fucking face.

"Why would he do that? What did he do?!" she exclaimed, forcing herself closer to me.

"I don't want to talk about it." I replied stiffly and winced at the devastated expression on her face. Alcohol and Courtney definitely weren't a good mix. It caused extreme emotions.

"Hey. You're happy remember?" I said softly and bumped her shoulder. Courtney nearly fell over.

She jumped up at that and nodded. "Happee!" She sang out and attempted to skip towards the water. "So happeeee I'm going swimmminnngggg!" She sang out as she stumbled stupidly over to the water.

"Oh no you don't!" I mumbled and chased her down the beach, catching her around the waist. Courtney struggled slightly against my grip and tripped over her own damn feet, yanking us both to the ground -- coincidentally I landed so she was pinned against me and our faces inches apart.

She giggled shrilly and smacked me on the chest. "Dun-can! Stoopid! I wanna swim! It makes me super happee!" She smacked my chest again and lolled her head back.

"You can't swim silly," I surprised myself with the amount of affection in my voice, "You're drunk."

"Noooo!!"

"Yessss."

"I'm tired." She suddenly announced and smacked me so I'd get off of her. Once she was in an upright position she attempted to get to her feet. After a little bit of help from me and my good hand she was on her feet and almost all of her weight was on me. "G'nigh Dunkin'." She giggled and messed around with my limp Mohawk.

"Night Princess." I replied and walked her to the opening of the tent. She didn't move and neither did I as we stared at one another awkwardly. "Good night." I repeated and turned away,

"Wait!" Courtney called and stumbled, I turned around to catch her right in the nick of time, and coincidentally (Again.) our lips met. Courtney didn't pull away, in fact she stood up straighter and forced her tongue into my mouth, sloppily (horribly) kissing me and getting her spit all over my face.

When she pulled away she had this giddy expression on her face and patted my cheek gently. "That was our first kiss." she said in her drunken stupor then disappeared into the tent.

I went back to my sleeping bag and lied awake.

_Forgive me Maria for I have sinned._

--

_A lot of wrongs and a lot of fucked up rights_

_Me, Three Falling Apart_

_--_

**A/N: Anyways. That's chapter 10! Woot. I bet you weren't expecting that when you started the chapter. Anyways DxC fans, I hope you're satisfied. R&R please!!**

**By the way. Check out this awesome DxC fanart!**

ht t p: // amarathcloud . deviantart . com / art / Oh-Em-Gee- 1431 162 54 **Just take out the spaces**


	11. Surrender

**A/N: Alright, there's been some confusion about Maria. Sometimes when Duncan dreams it's not really what happened in his past, it's just a dream. I apologize for not telling you this before. I thought you'd be able to figure it out. From now on I'll mark it (Dream) when it's not really his past.**

**And to CarmillaD: MAKE AN ACCOUNT! I've been dying to reply to your reviews but I can't T__T it's torture. And I'm a little bit too lazy to fix Beautiful To The Blind -- sorry. **

--

_I tried so hard, and got so far. In the end, it doesn't even matter_

_- In The End, Linkin Park_

--

The dreams were worse that night, because all I could do was remember. After what I did -- it opened something inside of me that I really didn't want to be opened. The memories are haunting me, killing my mind and all I can do to try and keep them away is hum songs psychotically. If only she hadn't thrown out all my fucking substances. My cigarettes weren't going to last me forever and then I will have absolutely nothing to provide me with apathy. Well -- almost nothing.

_This is what you deserve Duncan. You know it. You have to do this, and it's okay. _

I smiled grimly at that thought and pressed the knife deeper into my skin, bringing on a fresh bit of pain. My hand felt somewhat better from the day before, luckily I had only bruised it. Nothing was broken, I could move my fingers with only a wince.

I cut two symmetrical lines, and as they bled down they made a crude looking heart -- almost replacing the one that I don't have. I think it left me the moment that the my mom left, maybe the moment that she walked away.

_No, it was later than that Duncan, but you don't want to remember. It's okay, I'll leave that asleep for now. _

I almost thanked my own head out loud I was going so crazy. The soliloquy in my head was my conscience -- that's all. It was only my head, there was no way that I thought of it as another person. Just me thinking to myself. It's what I had to tell myself every time I thought like that.

_Stop cutting now Duncan. Otherwise your scars may start to show. _

"Okay. Okay." I thought out loud and pulled my switch away and folded it back into place. "I'll just go swimming then."

At the crack of dawn the water had to be cold -- hell, I was cold out of the water so that would mean that going into the water might just freeze me. And that thought comforted me, because if I was frozen then I wouldn't be able to hear the voice inside my head whispering things,

I was right -- the water did freeze me, and I did not hesitate diving under and letting it consume every inch of my body. The cuts in my leg became unnoticeable and I cursed the gods about the fresh water rather than the salt water. It would've made it all so much more painful.

"Time for swimming." I mumbled to myself and kicked off.

_One two three breathe! One two three breathe! One two three one breathe! One two three one two breathe! One two three one two three breathe! _

That was my pace, adding one more count before taking a breath, until I was going on for ten seconds and feeling as if my lungs were about to explode. They hurt from the little bursts of air that it got but I kept pushing myself, swimming from one end of the island to the other in a mechanical rhythm.

_One two three one two three one two three one two three one two three one two three one two three one two three one two three one two -- _

I couldn't help it, I had to take another breath and fast, failing myself and everyone else. But I was just so tired, and so damn far away from the shore. How had I gotten that far out? I thought wearily as I treaded water, looking back at the island.

_Alright. It's okay, don't freak out. Just catch your breath, I know you're tired. But it's okay to be tired. This hurts, this all hurts and that's what you want, right? So why don't you kick off and start swimming back to shore. You'll be so exhausted you might not think of anything else for awhile. Sounds good eh?_

"Yeah, sounds good." I muttered and did as my head instructed.

_One two breath, one two breath, one two breathe. _

So fucking tired, so fucking tired. Another kick might just kill me, another stroke will drown me. But would it be a bad thing? Was all I could ask myself, would dying really be that terrible? Then I'd be able to join mom and it'd be warm. Warm forever. Just like the water felt -- warm. All I need to do is close my eyes, and then I can be warm forever…

_Forever_

_ And _

_ Ever_

_ In_

_ Darkness..._

--

Breathe. Just breathe Duncan! You fucking moron! Breathe! I thought as I forced more air into Duncan's lungs. He couldn't leave me -- sure he was an ass and potentially dangerous and I hated him with every inch of my body -- but I couldn't think of a plan off the island all on my own. SO BREATHE DUNCAN!

I performed CPR on him for two minutes frantically, pumping away on his heart and forcing air into his lungs. Finally he began to cough up water, and all I could do was cry. He was alive, he was going to live. Nearly drowned at five in the morning…the moron. All I could do was cry, honestly.

After he coughed up all the water in his lungs his eyes slowly started to open, and they locked onto mine with such intensity that I couldn't even describe. Slowly his hand reached up and cupped my cheek fingers stroking my temple. Wiped away the tears (of fear) in my eyes. All of a sudden I was the one who couldn't breathe.

--

_And breathing is the hardest thing I do, I'm not the only person in the room_

_It's hard to, feel like I'm perfect_

_- Waves Goodbye, From First To Last_

**--1 Week Later--**

Still on the shit island and my leg is in worse shape. The whole damn thing is nearly cut up and Princess isn't putting out. So I'm pretty much doing fan-fucking-tastic -- just kidding. Life sucked. Oh yeah, due to scaring her half to death by almost drowning I am now allowed to sleep in the tent. Actually more than allowed, I have to. But she still keeps the partition up and kicks me out when she's going to change. So it still pretty much sucks.

"Duncan, why do you have the lantern on?" Princess mumbled groggily, slowly sitting up in her sleeping bag.

Subconsciously I hid my leg and thought up of a quick excuse, "Sorry. I thought I saw a spider." I answered lamely and watched her silhouette slowly lay back down and drift back into sleep. She assumed that I was going to turn it down in a minute, but I didn't. Something about having the tent lit up made it easier to cope, maybe because it's in darkness where I fall.

I stayed like that for an hour, just sitting there without a single thought in my head. I had run out of cigarettes and I've been dying for another so I focused on the craving and how bad I thought I needed it. How could it would feel the have that apathy drain me of every colour, everything real.

Then my mind started to think again, but not of my mom or dad or her. I thought about Courtney. I thought about how a week ago she kissed me and how I had felt actual affection towards her. It scared me, it scared me shitless. Especially because it's Princess and she was the one that I wanted to hurt most in the world.

_So why don't you hurt her? You're a man, she's a woman. Right?_

I'm not all talk…so I will. I will hurt her, in a way that would scar her forever. Slowly I lifted the partition and crawled under it so I was on Courtney's side -- just watching her sleep. She was lying there innocently in the perfect position for me to do it. She looked so bloody perfect it was ugly.

Half her body was out of the sleeping bag and her breasts were damn near popping out of her teeny tiny shirt. Nipples were erect and just begging to be pinched…

_Go ahead. Get her wrists down and sit on top of her. She won't be able to fight you off once you're there. It'll only be better when she's awake anyways. Then you'll be able to hear her scream like the man you are. Right Duncan? Because all that makes you such a man you fuckin' prick. _

Even my goddamn conscience had turned on me. Now telling me to harm her, make her feel pain, challenging me. "Courtney." I mouthed silently and reached out to touch her -- I hadn't since the time she kissed me, I had been so damn careful to avoid everything that she even noticed. My fingers brushed the skin on her chest, and I forced them to trace over her breasts.

"Fuck…" I whispered and felt myself going hard, it wasn't like anything I had ever done before. This was exciting, dangerous, disgusting, creepy -- and it gave me such a fucking hard on that I had to continue.

Slowly as I could I slid the strap of her shirt down her shoulder and touched the skin there, it was so smooth, almost frictionless. I had to know what it was like to…

Slowly I bent over and lightly landed my lips on her shoulder and kissed it. It all felt so natural that I needed another place to kiss, somewhere that would be even worse than the shoulder. I scanned her body and found her neck, outstretched like she was ready for it, wanting it. She probably did want it she was so damn easy…

I kissed her neck and felt her take in a breath. So easily, so natural. That little movement presented her with life, and her life had potential it was obvious to see. It was innocent and pure and she wanted to keep it that way. Unlike Heather who was dying to be fucked, to get the drugs, to do everything that was against the rules. Just like me, but Courtney wasn't. Courtney was better than me, and I could even see it in her sleep, as she snored lightly.

She stirred in her sleep and slowly her eyes opened and stared directly at me. I nearly panicked I thought I was caught, but then I noticed the glazed over look in her eyes and she opened her mouth to speak. "Krv rah ner tun duk." she mumbled and grabbed my arm, forcing me to lay beside her.

"The fuck are you doing?!" I whispered and she only smiled in reply and tightened her grip. "Okay, but you cannot get mad at me in the morning!"

She snorted. I took it as a yes and allowed myself to fall asleep.

--

"Duncan! What are you doing?! Trying to rape me in my sleep!?" Courtney shrieked, successfully knocking me out of my sleep.

Wearily I opened my heavy lids and glanced up at the very angry CIT as she continued yelling. "Babe, you're the one who pulled me down to lie with you." I replied and tried to go back to sleep -- it was too early for yelling.

"First you kiss me! Now you try to sleep with me!" She yelled and stormed out of the tent.

"Oh give me a break princess! _You_ kissed me. _You_ pulled me close to you!" I argued and followed her out onto the beach. She opened her mouth to argue but closed it again -- she was guilty of sleep walking and I know she knows that she kissed me.

"Well whatever!" She snapped and kicked sand in my direction.

I couldn't help but smirked at this new 'flustered Courtney' and didn't bite my tongue in time to say, "Aw, does Princess need another kiss?" I asked in a condescending voice, to my surprise it actually looked like she would consider it! I pressed a little harder. "Princess…do you want a kiss?" I asked, and my mouth went dry. Kissing her on the lips was exactly what I had wanted to do last night. And this kiss would be different, because she would want me to do it.

"No!" She snapped finally and gave the sand a final kick in my direction. "I'm going for a swim." She announced after a minute and walked towards the beach.

"Without a suit?" I called and took a seat by our fire pit. Courtney let out another shriek and stomped back to the tent. "You love me and you know it!" I yelled after her and laughed. "I'll start breakfast today, darling."

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" She barked from inside.

Inside the tent Courtney was taking off all of her clothes, pulling her shirt over her head and showing off her perfect smooth skin. She'd put on the sad bikini top I made her and groan when it just barely covered her quarter sized nipples (Her sleep wear is so damn sheer you can see okay?)

**(A/N: EXPLICIT SCENE AHEAD)**

--

I slid two fingers inside of me and groaned, thinking back to the last time me and Thom were together, making out on his couch. His hands had wandered up my blouse and under my bra, squeezing my nipples gently and the blood down there seemed to be rushing around. That was the day that I had planned on giving myself to him.

Slowly he lifted off my shirt and unclasped my bra, pulling it off and discarding it somewhere in his messy room. His mouth gently consumed my nipple and his tongue lathered it up in circles, making my toes curl and fingers dig into his shoulders.

Slowly I probed inside, feeling the strange wall of my vagina, finding the smooth spot and pressing down on it, suppressing a soft moan that was building up inside of me.

I pressed down deeper and harder, arching my back slighting as I hit the spot where it felt best; imagining Duncan inside of me. I meant Thom of course, Thom's skilled ringed hands touching me everywhere, gruffly telling me how much of a slut I am -- I mean how much he loves me…

"Duncan…" I groaned out and inserted another finger.

Thom had kissed my stomach and bit down at my hips, making me squeal out of shock at how good it felt. Slowly his tongue slid down my vulva and blowing down on the places he licked delicately sending shivers up my spine.

I thought of Thom..

_I thought of Duncan_

He spread my legs and laid me back on his bed, mouth moving to my inner thighs, sucking on the tender skin, leaving a dark purple bruise he called a hickey. I let out a groan and entangled my fingers in his shaggy blonde hair, scraping my nails against his scalp.

His tongue moved to my entrance, sliding it between the lips and tongue flicking at my clit. He forced two fingers into me and broke my hymen, a sharp pain and a little bit of blood came out, but he ignored it and pushed upwards, hitting a spot that made me cry out loudly, it felt so good…

I came, and bit back a groan as the fluids rushed out of me and made a mess on Duncan's sleeping bag.

**(A/N: You can look again )**

"Hey! Princess! Are you dying in there?" Duncan called from outside and started unzipping the tent.

"I'm changing you pig!" I yelled and quickly threw on my butchered bathing suit.

When I stepped outside Duncan whistled and ran his hand along my legs.

"You really need to shave princess." He laughed and pushed my leg hair upwards. "You're like a cavewoman." he laughed and paused for a second with a funny expression on his face, then he said, "Do you go cavewoman style down there too?" he asked and wiggled his eyebrow up and down.

Blood rushed up to my face and I quickly turned away from him so as to not show him my embarrassment. "Shut up!" I yelled and stormed off to the water to cool off.

"Whatever. I'm going for a nap." Duncan yelled and I heard him go into the tent. A second later he yelled, "Why does it smell like fish in here?!"

--

_Every day gets worse,_

_Locked in a vice my thoughts perverse_

_You must wonder why I look at you that way (In any way)_

_- And We All Have Hell, FFTL  
_

--

**A/N: That was chapter 11! Reviews are highly appreciated. Suggestions and constructive criticism is love. **


	12. Crawling

**A/N: Alright, from now on when Duncan's not having a flashback it will be in bold and italics. Thank you guys for all the reviews!!! They make me happee! Really short chapter, sorry guys but it's 3:21 and I'm lazy and tired and this flashback is going to continue for a little while. **

_(Flashback)_

_**(Dream)**_

--

_No, I can't breathe_

_Put me on the next page outta here_

_To live forever on this paper_

_Capture this void and fill it with the frenzy in my voice_

_- Featuring Some Of Your Favourite Words, FFTL_

--

Yelling is what woke me up that night -- just like every night since I threw out Duncan's drugs. Still in a dazed state I ducked under the partition and went to his aid, like any good CIT would. He looked the same as he did every night, small, frail, alone, crying, and terrified. Most of the words he blurted out were nonsense, except for every now and then when he would utter a name or a phrase quietly -- unlike his gibberish.

"Duncan, it's okay." I said, projecting my voice in hopes of reaching him. Instead his flinching became more violent and I had to wrap myself around him to make sure he didn't hurt himself or me. "Duncan, love, it's okay. You're safe." I said quietly into his ear, so as not to disturb him. I continued doing that for at least five minutes before his flinches stopped and he was only mumbling to himself -- very loudly.

"don't…don't Don't Don't DON'T DON'T DON'T!" he started off quietly then elevated to screaming and was back to flailing himself about trying to escape my grip. When he realized that he couldn't he began screaming some more, "Mommy no! No...no! Don't fucking do it! Don't fucking…oh god mom! No!"

It scared me.

--

_Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me,_

_Distracting, reacting_

_Against my will I stand beside my own reflection_

_It's haunting, how I can't seem…_

_- Crawling, Linkin Park  
_

--

_Duncan walked down his abandoned street, rubbing absently at his (bruised) shoulder with the sun shining down on his back. Though he had already wiped the tears away his eyes were still rimmed with redness and the streaks were visible on his cheeks, Duncan hated that. _

_There seemed to be no one in the world other than him as he trudged, glancing at the ugly suburban houses and their dark and closed off windows; one of the houses even had bars over the window._

"_Hey Duncan!" Brent, his neighbour called. With him was a group of his friends all sitting on the front porch and drinking beers. All of Brent's friends smiled and waved; having known Duncan for quite some time. _

_Forcing a smile on his face he walked over trying his best to appear to non-chalant as possible. As he got closer Brent's brow furrowed and he took a step towards Duncan and pierced him with his intense gaze. "Your dad beating you up again?" He asked loud enough for the entire world to hear -- but everyone already knew. What could they do?_

_Duncan shrugged easily and took the smoke that was offered to him by Brent's best friend and lit it. "Never stopped." he replied and moved his hand from his shoulder. Brent sighed and took another beer out of the cooler and offered it to Duncan, who took it with a thankful grin. "Can I stay with you guys for awhile? My dad's fuckin' passed out now and he's gonna be pissed when he wakes up." _

"_Yeah, sure man." Jack said from the stairs and raised his beer bottle. "Have a seat, have a drink and let's see where the day takes us." _

_--_

_We'll drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and fight! Yeah!_

_- Irish Drinking Song, Bucket O Nine_

--

**A/N: Sorry about the short chapter guys. It's almost 4 am and I am sort of tired as shit, fuck…excuse my language. Anyways! Please R&R, I'll update faster if you do :D**


	13. Drink Drank Punk

**A/N: alright, this chapter is a bit of a cop-out. Sorry guys. I just haven't been in the writing mood. **

**IMPORTANT MESSAGE: Some of you may have noticed that I took off 'Marionette'. Well, I thought about it, and discussed it with my friends and I honestly cannot post a story like that on a site where kids are frequent readers. Especially on the TDI fandom. I'm sorry, but it's not morally correct and I will be posting it up on adultfanfiction . Net. If you are 18 or over then you can pm me if you are interested and I will link you. I apologize for this greatly. **

**--**

"_JUMP MAN! JUMP!" Matt yelled and splashed water up at the naked Duncan standing on the concrete. "We don't care how small your dick is!" _

_They had decided it would be a good idea to break into Brent's neighbour's pool since they were out of town and go skinny dipping. In their tipsy stupor they didn't think of them as all being guys, and how big of a sausage fest it would be. But as Duncan stood at the edge of the pool he suddenly realized how _gay _this would be. _

"_JUMP JUMP JUMP JUMPJUMP!" They all cheered, pumping their fists in the air in rhythm to their cheers. "Don't be a pussy!" He heard Matt yell over their voices, and that was the last straw._

_Taking a deep breath Duncan took a step back and charged towards the water, jumping off at the edge and forming a cannonball right before he hit the water. The splash was massive and send all the guys back a foot or two._

"_YEAH! That's my man!" Matt cheered as Duncan surfaced and pushed his head back under water, and knocking the air out of Duncan. Under the water they wrestled for freedom, Matt having the upper hand (being on the wrestling team) so Brent dove in and tore them apart, Duncan swam behind his saviour when he was free for protection. _

"_Man, be careful. This kid is probably still drunk." _

**Put on your tie now, but don't tell your friends it's clip on**

**Put on your favourite jacket sir, with all your band patch iron ons**

**Pull on your polo shirt but don't tell your friends you bought it at the gap**

**Put on your rude boy face 'cuz we know you're more punk than tha-at**

**- Rudy, Beer For Breakfast**

_--_

_Duncan leaned his head against Brent's shoulder and stared placidly at the sluts dancing around the bonfire, practically begging to be fucked by one of the guys there. It was around 9:30 and he had been out with Brent and his friends since 1:30. Everyone there was at least 17 and up, but Duncan had Maria and didn't really care about any of those girls anyways, though he did like staring at their tits. _

"_Dude, you're being a cock block. Fuck off." Brent said and brushed Duncan off of his shoulder as a blonde girl straddled him and forced her drunken lips against his. Duncan watched all of this in awe as Brent seemed to know exactly what the girl would like, he wished he could do that with Maria. _

_After receiving the finger from Brent he stood up and took a seat next to Tyler, who wasn't trying to get any chicks that night since he was going to propose to his girl the next day. Duncan decided he could lean against him so as not to be a 'cock block' to anyone else there. _

"_Hey man, I'm so fucking tired." Duncan groaned and stifled a yawn as he blinked his eyes hard. "And I feel so…I dunno…fuck…gimme a smoke." he reached into Tyler's pocket without waiting for the okay and produced two cigarettes about two minutes later. "One for me…and one for me." He smiled and stuck one into his mouth, forgetting all about the light. _

"_Hey, let me get that." This slutty brunette purred and pressed the tip of her cigarette against his, without hearing her Duncan inhaled and the tip of his lit and glowed. "I'm Shay, what's your name?" The girl purred as she took a seat next to Duncan, trying to make it so he leaned his head against her shoulder. _

"_I'm nobody." Duncan replied drowsily and kept his head firmly planted on Tyler's shoulder. "And I'm everyone." _

_The girl Shay laughed like it was the funniest thing on the planet then dragged her cigarette and blew out the smoke in rings. "No, really. You're really cute, how old are you?" _

_Duncan blew smoke out into her face and shrugged his shoulders, he really didn't want to be talking to slutty bitches of any sort. _

"_Hey bitch, go find someone else to bug. He don't want your herpes." Tyler snapped and brushed her hands off of his chest. _

_The girl shot up and glared down at Tyler, probably debating on whether or not it would be smart to sack him. "I do not have herpes!" she yelled and kicked him in the shin. Then she turned around and dramatically began to walk away, gaining the attention of all her slutty friends and making them all follow her. _

"_Shay! Wait babe! What happened?!" The girls called after her. _

"_Tyler! You shit! I was gonna get laid!" Brent groaned and took a swig from his Smirnoff Ice. "Christ. Now what the fuck are we supposed to do!?" _

"_She was tryin' to give Duncan her STD's. Don't blame me for tryin' to protect the little kid!" Tyler said back rather calmly and moved the semi-conscious boy on his shoulder. "Right Duncan?" He paused and got a non committable groan. "Riiigghhtt."_

**Drink drank punk!**

**Drink drank punk!**

**- Drink drank punk, Anti-Flag**

_--_

_Duncan woke up and found himself laying on a long pool arm chair. Slowly he sat up and clutched his head, trying to ignore the throbbing pain that went along with his breathing. Looking around the room he saw Sam and Matt still asleep, spread out on the couches. Brent was sitting up with a laptop on his lap and the glow of the screen lit up his face. _

_When he noticed Duncan's consciousness he smoothed out his furrowed brow and put on a sleep smile. "Hey man. Wicked time last night. How're you feeling?" He asked and closed his laptop, walking into the kitchen and pouring some coffee into a mug, he returned it with a big grin on his face._

"_I feel like shit." Duncan said dryly and took the mug. Black was the only way that coffee should be, especially with a hangover in Duncan's opinion. "What the hell are you doing up anyways? It's like…" he looked over the shoulder at the clock hanging on the wall, 12:30 pm. "Oh…well that was quite a night, huh?" _

"_Yeah…I never thought I would see you naked Duncan." Brent said and stifled a snicker. "Was it cold in there you think." _

"_Hey man! I am huge, okay? I've got the biggest dick in here. 10 inches." Duncan said defensively, his voice growing louder and louder every word he spoke._

"_Look, I really wasn't staring at your dick. What I really noticed was that your dad's kicking your ass worse and worse, and what I was doing on the computer was research, to see how we could deal with this situation. I really think we should call the cops on him. Without him maybe the Police'll take your mom back and you guys can start new. But until we figure that out, I'd want you to stay the night here…" _

_Duncan stared at Brent, open mouthed. Was it even possible to end the misery his father had put him through? He wasn't even sure, but it was worth a try. He would be protecting him mom. He'd be able to see Maria more…_

_Slowly Duncan smiled, "Alright. We'll give that try…but I'll have to get my stuff first. _

"_Alright man." _

**Smiles and her laughter, it's the only thing that I've been waiting for**

**- Emily, FFTL**

_--_

Duncan's screaming came to an end again, and my hand was entangled in his Mohawk, stroking his scalp. There was complete silence, except for the waves that crashed onto the shore every few seconds, and I found myself questioning everything that I knew about Duncan, about people, about the world. It was hard not to think.

"Maria…" Duncan groaned and tensed his shoulders for a second. "I lo..love you…" he turned over onto his side so he was facing me, face so innocent and young.

"You're sixteen and already you've lived more than some at the age of 60. Haven't you?" I found myself asking him, not expecting a reply but damn well hoping for one. If he let me in, I had the thought in my head that I could save him. That if he revealed himself to me I would be able to make all of the pain go away, because hell. I'm a CIT, and we're supposed to be able to do anything, right?

"What's going on in your head? What's scared you so bad after you've jumped off a cliff?"

"Ma…" he mumbled in reply and inched closer to me and my warmth. It was all so strange…it was all so stupid.

--

**A/N: Alright, sorry again. Anyways, this was just a filler or whatever. Reviews make me happy and make me update faster. **

**Now&Forever**

**SweetHeroin**


	14. Daddy

**A/N: Alright. This chapter is going to be written in first person present tense, since I don't think I can make it as affective in third. Anyways, this chapter features disturbing themes, more so than all of the others. If you become uncomfortable then I suggest you turn away immediately until the italics end, or possibly wait until the next chapter.**

Trust in my self righteous suicide, I cry, when angels deserve to die

- Chop Suey, System of a Down

**--**

_I look over my shoulder to Brent who's peering at me through his window and giving me the thumbs up sign, slowly I return it with much less enthusiasm and take in a deep breath as I get closer to my run down piece of shit house. All the blinds are closed so that my dad can keep his secrets in, or so he tries. My footsteps become smaller and smaller as I walk up the path and get to my front door. Reluctantly I turn the door knob and enter my house, trying my best not to let a single floor board squeak. _

_Brent said that he would give me twenty minutes to pack and then he would be calling the cops, so I have to be fast. I assume that my drunken asshole good for nothing tit-head father is passed out and I'm not that worried. _

_All the lights are off and it has to be empty because even my dad keeps the TV on when he's alone in the house, if only for the company. _

_Slowly I creep towards the stairs when I start to hear this mewing sound, just like a kitten. Figuring I have twenty minutes I turn towards the door that closes off the stairs to the basement and press my ear against it. The mewing sounds get louder and I fully distinguish what it really is._

_It's not a kitten, I think, Someone's crying. Quickly I do the calculations in my head. I'm not crying and my dad doesn't have a soul. My heart sinks as I realize it's mom. _

"_You fucking bitch!" I hear my dad yell and following it was the sound of a slap and a cry that resonated against the cold stone walls. I can see it all so clearly and feel my heart beat hard in my chest. He touched my mom. My mom. The one that took care of me. My mom, the same who stood up to all my teachers. The one that loved me more than sin. The one that did everything in her power to keep me safe. He touched her. He slapped her and hurt her and made her cry…_

_The heart in my chest beat so hard that it began to ache, and this numbness took over my body. Starting in chest and swelling to my lungs, with each breath I take I feel it making me worse and worse, coursing through my blood and taking over me. _

_Instincts take over my body and the next thing I know I'm kicking down the door and flying down the stairs, my feet hardly touching the steps. My eyes are locked on my dad's startled fat drunken face and I clench my fist and swing it, knuckles hitting his jaw and hearing a loud crack and thump. My dad stumbles backwards and falls on his ass, I don't even feel my hand break. There's something inside of me that just doesn't care. I'm not me. _

"_You fucking asshole! Stay the fuck away from her! Don't you ever touch her! I'm going to rip you apart! I'm going to fucking kill you!" I find myself screaming as I leap onto his fat body and slam my fists into him as hard as I can. Mom's screaming in the background but I can't hear it due to the heart that's beating in my ears, blocking out every sound other than my own thoughts. My thoughts are saying to kill him._

_I don't know how but he grabs my hand and squeezes it as hard as he can, making bloody pain shoot from my fist to the rest of my body, until I'm down on my knees and he's towering over me. Slowly I glance up and my face meets his fist, the punch so strong I fly backwards and crash into an old full length mirror. The shards rain down on me but I don't even bother to cover my head because I'm numb once more and the bastard is staggering towards my mom. _

"_Stay the fuck away!" I scream and try to leap at him again, but he's faster and he grabs my long hair, giving it a hard yank that feels like he's about to pull out every hair from my head and somehow throws me to the ground as if I'm just a little kid, my head hitting the concrete floor and I feel everything shut down for about to seconds. _

_Mom's shrill scream breaks me out of my trance and I snap my head up and glance at my father, who has a giant shard of glass clutched in his hand and raised, everything after that happened in slow motion, as I watched him stab the shard of glass deep into my leg, so deep I feel it touching the bone, I can't hear anything though I know my mom's screaming. I watch him do it to the other then throw the glass down at me. _

_She screams again, and that's when everything becomes real again…_

_It hurts. It fucking hurts so bad that I feel that I can't breathe. Why did the numbness have to wear off? I'm in so much Pain Maria, I think I'm going to die tonight. But I have to save mom no matter what. I have to save mom because she matters most. But my fucking god I'm just in so much fucking pain! _

"_Enjoy the show…" I hear him say in a voice that makes my blood turn cold. The show? What show? What show could he possibly talking about? Wasn't this enough? Hurting me and my mom like this? What else does he want to do and why doesn't he just leave? Just leave me and mom alone. Why does he do this…why, why, why, WHY?!_

_As he walks towards mom I look at her, my eyes meeting hers and I try to find her in them behind everything, but she closes them and blinks tears away. She must be in so much pain, I think as I look at her, he broke both her legs. Both her fucking legs! Instead of just walking out like a decent drunk he had to…he fucking broke her legs…_

"_You think you're going to get away with this?!" I find myself screaming, and he turns back to me, giving mom more time. More time I think, desperately trying to make mom get the message. Try to crawl away…anything to save her. She needs to live…_

"_You're going to get yours! I swear to god you're going to get yours you fucking bastard! You worthless piece of shit! Why don't you just die?! Why Don't you just fucking die?! I hate you! I hate you so fucking much why don't you just die!" My voice cracks, I notice it and he notices it, then I realize I'm crying. _

_To my surprise he laughs a laugh that scares me, because it's not human. Because he's not human I realize as he reaches towards me (blood on his hands), grabbing the collar of Brent's shirt and yanking me off of the ground, forcing me to put weight on my legs. _

"_FUCK!" I scream as the pain is brought new and I try, I fucking try to ease it somehow but he's not letting go. Fuck it hurts mommy, but I don't care. I fucking love you mommy. I'll take all the pain in the world for you. _

"_You're just upset you wouldn't be able to see, well I'll fix that boy. Now you just keep your eyes open." He snarls and throws me to the ground again, so I'm inches away from mom. _

"_I love you Duncan, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." My mom is whispering frantically, and I can finally see the madness in her eyes from all the years. It makes me cry more, because yesterday she was beautiful and strong and perfect…now she's ugly and crazy and dying. She's dying. Mom's dying. She's fucking dying. _

"_You ready hun?" It says in a voice that's almost friendly, almost human. He says it so perfectly that for a second I don't think that we're going to die, then I see the knife in his hand as he grabs mommy's hair and holds her up like a limp rag doll and holds a knife to her throat. _

_Mommy's legs are bleeding so much. Worse than mine. She must have been bleeding for a long time because I finally notice how pale she is, and how much blood there is on the ground. Mommy, you can take my blood if you want. _

"_No dad…don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it." I cry out, "Please daddy, don't hurt her -- not mommy. No. No. No. No. No. NO!" _

_Laughter, there's laughter. "I'm going to cut her boy, and you have to watch…if you look away then I'll kill her. So you watch her, or your whore of a mother dies." _

"_Light a candle for me Duncan, turn away. Don't you dare watch baby." She whispers as her last request. _

_Without thinking I close my eyes and keep my head down, "Please don't kill her. Don't kill mommy. Please daddy, please. Don't hurt her. Don't make her cry anymore." I beg as I crawl along the floor, trying to get closer to his feet so I can kiss them. So I can kiss them and make it so that he wouldn't hurt mommy. I don't want her to die. _

"_Look Duncan! Watch your mom get what she deserves. I'll kill her if you don't watch. It's going to be all your fault." _

_There's silence, I don't dare say a thing then there's a scream and a thump, and my eyes fly open, she's staring at me. Eyes wide and pupils non-existent in a vast blue ocean of eyes…her mouth moves but there's no sound. She's dying, and there's so much blood everything. Oh my god it's everywhere, on her white dress, on her white face. Bloods spraying from her neck and it's getting on me. Why is it getting all over me? How could there be so much? Please take my blood…oh god mom…no. no. Please just take mine and you can be better…stop bleeding mommy._

_Laughter. There's more of it as I watch him in complete mirth. How…why? _

"_Mommy…no. No. NO. NO! Don't die! Don't fucking die! Mommy please wake up! Please! Please! Mom…I love you I love you. I'm sorry…it's all my fault please no. I'll give you my blood. I'll give it to you. You can have it all. Just take it…please mom…" _

Lightning crashes, an old mother dies, her intentions fall to the floor

The angel closes her eyes, The confusion that was hers

Belongs now to the baby down the hall

- Lightning Crashes, Live

--

_The sirens…I don't hear them yet. He ran out and left me here with my mom, left me there to die I suppose. Brent is next to me, crying. I'm not listening to a word he's saying, she's right in front of me Maria. She's dead in front of me and it's all my fault. Her eyes, the light left them but the madness is still there. If I had only made her life better. _

_A burst of pain shoots up one of my legs as Brent is pathetically bandaging them too tight. "Sorry." He mumbles as I flinch. _

"_Where's Maria…?" I find myself asking him, for the first time meeting his eyes._

_Brent's eyes cloud over in confusion but he doesn't respond to me, just bends over and kisses me on the forehead, his tears mingling in with mine. Why does he cry? He wouldn't if he knew it was me, who just minutes ago killed my own mother. One of the few people in the world that actually loved me. The only one to stand up for me…_

"_I'm done here Duncan, why don't we move you upstairs, so you don't have to--" _

_I knew where he was going with it, he wants to be nice to, but I snap. "No. I have to see what I've done." _

_His brow furrows and his hand brushes the hair out of my forehead. "Honey, you didn't do a thing." _

"_Just shut up! Mom needs me. She doesn't want them to take her away."_

"_Duncan --" _

"_Just shut up Brent!" I cry out and lash out at him, trying to strike him. I do, it doesn't even hurt him which makes me angrier and I'm crying again, even though I thought I was all cried out. I bury my face into his stomach and strong arms wrap around me. "J-j-just sh-ut up! Sh-shut up!" _

"_Shh…shh it's going to be fine, okay Duncan? Shh…" _

_I'm being lifted, Brent's carrying me despite my injuries and what I said. I'm trying to lash out again, but he keeps them tight against my chest and is speaking very gently to me, like it could calm me down. Stop my thoughts. Make me feel better. _

_Going up the stairs is uncomfortable, I'm feeling every bump on the way and it makes me nauseous, makes me want to throw up again all over Brent. I tell him to leave me with my mom, but he says no and kisses my forehead again, what's he trying to do? _

_He walks me over to his house where our friends are, I know they all know because of the looks on their faces as they all reach out to touch me. Why would they touch me? I'm carried to the bedroom and he gently places me on the bed and keeps stroking my hair. He's mumbling under his breath to himself and I hear the words 'keep him safe.' _

And I can see myself stopping short  
Drifting out of the present  
Sucked by the undertow and pulled out deep  
And there I am, standing

- I'm Still Here, Pearl Jam

_--_

_Their talking. I heard the sirens come and I hear Brent telling police men everything he knows about what happens. The police say they wish to speak to me, Brent advises them not to but they do not listen, and a man I recognize walks into the room with this sad look on his face, like he feels a little bit of my pain._

"_Duncan, I don't know if you remember me. But I'm Alejandro. I'm good friends with your mother." Her accent is almost non-existent. Mom, it was a good thing you never brought her home for dinner, It would've tore him to shreds. _

"_My mom's dead." I'm saying and I continue, something inside of me isn't letting me stop speaking. "It was all my fault."_

_He keeps questioning me, furry eyebrows locked together in full concentration as I repeat to him everything I remember. I tell him about the sickly pale of my mom's skin, how small her pupils were. How I should've given her my blood. He writes everything down in a small notebook and after forever he places a hand on my shoulder and says, _

"_It's going to be okay, son." It's weird because it almost sounds like he is going to cry. Like he was the one who killed my mom. He probably loved her. Everyone loved my mom you know, she was the greatest woman on the planet. _

Mother please forgive me  
I just had to get out all my pain and suffering  
Now that I am done, remember I will always love you  
I'm your son

- Daddy, Korn

_I slept for months and months. I dreamed I was in a place where there were only white walls, and people dressed in disgusting disgraces for pastels. I was trapped in a room and I saw virtually no one but the people in pastels who came by with capsules and shoved them down my throat. Then some guy would come, this guy also dressed in white would come around and take my brain apart…_

_Maria left me in that time. I kept calling her and calling her, but they always said the phone number didn't exist. Why did she leave me? I saw her a few times in my dream…for mere seconds but then they would take her away…why wouldn't she call me? Try to see me?_

_When I woke up I was put with other people. A married couple by the names of Jody Chung and Peter Perdiz. They were nice, but annoying. Always probing and prying…_

Jeremy spoke in class today

Jeremy spoke in class today

- Jeremy, Pearl Jam

My eyes flew open and Courtney was there, I didn't think. I didn't have to, just flung my arms around her and buried my face into her shoulder, finding myself sobbing so hard that my sides started to hurt. Princess said soothing nonsense to me, rubbing my back in circles with her hand and the other supporting my head, trying to support me.

"It was terrible…it was awful. He fucking…I couldn't…my god. Fuck I need a drink…"

"Shhh…it's over now Duncan, it was all just a dream." she said in that annoyingly knowing voice of hers. Just a fucking dream my ass.

_She's just trying to help Duncan. Calm down. Stop crying. You can take this. You can handle it. _

"What do you know?!" I yelled at the voice in my head, but Courtney assumed I was talking to her and I got to watch her face break. "Just…fuck Princess…I can't….I'm sorry…" It was pathetic, that look, but then again I was even worse…half naked crying my eyes out.

_There you go. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. It's been over for three years. You're going to be fine._

She didn't respond to me, just wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me so close that I could feel every goosebump on her skin. Slowly she pulled away and leaned her head forward, tilting it to the side. A pity kiss, something to take my mind off the problem. I closed the space between our lips and pushed my tongue into her mouth.

Anything to take the sadness away…

_See the storm set in her eyes, see the thorn twist in her side,_

_I will wait, for you _

_- With or Without You, U2_

**A/N: And now you see why Duncan is messed up. Well, they kissed again. Whoopee for fan girls, right? I'm sorry about the last bit, I rewrote it a hundred times but I can't get it right. Anyways, I decided to settle for that. More about Duncan's past as chapters go on. **

**Now&Forever**

**SweetHeroin**


	15. How To Save A Life

**A/N: Hey guys! Thank you for all of the support during my break. I am back and ready to continue writing! **

**I'm starting a new story soon (again) and I'm not sure what to call it yet. It's a DxG (Ducks from flying objects from angry fangirls) and it's not a typical one. Anyways, I'm really not sure of how it's going, and I really need a second opinion before it's posted. If anyone's willing to help me out please mention so in a review :D Thanks!!!! **

--

_Duncan's conscience _

"_Duncan replying to conscience"_

--

"Princess, I--" We parted, and I wiped away the tears that were falling, the expression on her face was so real that I didn't know how to respond. For the past three years my life was all bullshit, all just some stupid façade, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to react.

"It's okay. I'm here for you." Her voice was trembling and so was her hand as she took mine into hers, lacing our fingers together. "We don't have to be anything you don't want us to be…but I'm here for you."

The honesty in her voice makes me want to cry again, because I've seen it before a thousand times in people, and their the ones who always have to go. Instead of voicing it I nod my head silently and squeeze our hands tighter. Unconditional, why did she feel that way for me?

We stretched out our legs and walked outside, the sun not yet being able to grace us with it's presence, but the stars were starting to fade. The wind in the air bit at my skin, stinging my thighs so bad that I thought the wounds opened again. There were only the scars left, all the blood had been wiped away. I was too numb to care about them staining my hands.

She insisted on staying awake, even though she had scarcely gotten two hours sleep judging by the bags under her eyes. Instead she pranced around the beach carelessly, it was so graceful (or maybe I was so fucked up) that it seemed she was a part of the wind, blowing wherever it pulled…

The way she moved made me need her all the more. The graceful hands, the perfect figure, the everything. She was stable, she was normal. For no reason at all I just needed her, because she was the only one in the world.

She threw out my alcohol.

_I still need her_

She threw out my drugs

_I still need her_

She brought out the worst in me

_I still need her. _

Without thinking I stood up and caught her around the waist, pulling her close to myself just to feel the warmth of her body against my own. Just for the touch of a human being. For something real, I suppose. No words were necessary as her arms enveloped my body. Not love. Just…unconditional.

_Jesam li zaista bar malo, krv vase krv mrtvi moji_

_I am really just a little blood of your blood, my dead_

_- Unknown_

Rocking, it's the best thing I can do. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. The motion is calming and steady, and it's the only thing I can really depend on. The moment I go forward I know I'll go back. When I'm falling backwards I know I'll come back up again. And in my head there's a song I made up, and the voice, the one that was supposed to save me even sang to it. I guess he gave up too…

_I've got a thought, _

_Inside this head_

_I know this thought,_

_Will kill you dead_

_Should I tell you? _

_I think I should,_

_Get your knife ready,_

_There will be blood _

I hummed that tune as I rocked, blocking out what that one thought could possibly be. All I needed to do was keep myself occupied until Courtney woke up.

The waves crashed against the shore, back and forth, back and forth. Just like me, I was like that wave, no real purpose in life just being pushed around by people who're bigger. By the moon. I found myself rocking in rhythm with the waves, realizing more and more how I was like them. Pushing things around and ruining sandcastles. Throwing surfers off of their boards and killing children. I shoved around dorks and popped little kids balloons. I beat up people who are comfortable with themselves and imagine any child happier than I was being hurt…

_Think of something good, Duncan. _

Like what head? What good was there in my life? When everyone I cared about left me. What good in the world…?

_I need you Marija, from sky to sky. Take me there Marija, my Marija_

_Trebam te Marija, od neba do neba, povedi me Marija, Moja Marija_

_- Divlje Jagode_

Courtney took down the partition and followed me every-damn-place I needed to be. It was so irritating I actually contemplated scaring her again, just to chase her away. But now that she knows I'm a fucking victim…my god she'd probably use that as an excuse to never let me pee alone again. I could drown somehow, don'tcha know? There was only one good thing to her constant presence, it kept me too annoyed to think.

"What're you drawing?" she asked as she peered over my shoulder at my stick figures etched into the sand. There was a woman, a boy, and an ugly square and triangle house. Above the house were stormy clouds and lines coming out of them for rain. I was bored, but she scrutinized it just like the fat lady would have, looking for signs of why I was…well bat-shit crazy.

"This is my soul, see how it's bigger than me? And female. I secretly want to be a woman." I said bluntly and gave her the look I had been giving her all week; piss off.

"Very funny Duncan." She huffed and rolled her eyes, taking a seat next to me and opening her notebook. "Please forgive me for trying to take an interest. I've given up all hope on being rescued so we're pretty much stuck here, and sorry for trying to build bridges with the only other person on this fucking island!" She said, anger elevating to a full on shriek that I just had to laugh.

"That's quite a mouth you got there Princess. Maybe a trip over my knee and washing your mouth out with soap will calm you down." I teased and motioned spanking a girl's ass.

With that comment her anger seemed to have melted to an irritated state and with a huff she rolled her eyes. "Yeah, like we have any soap left."

Typical Princess to bring up the fact that we're living in the wilderness.

"Well I can still spank you, we don't need anything for that…"

"You're a pig." She replied calmly and returned to her notebook. The tenseness in her arm though indicated her less than cool mood she pretended to be in as she probably scribbled in her diary about how horrible I was.

"Whatever Princess. Just remember, whenever you feel like you've been a bad girl just come to Duncan, I can free you of _all_ your guilt."

"Just shut up!" She snapped and flicked sand in the direction of my eyes. "I'm trying to write and your daft statements aren't making it any easier."

"Daft?"

"Just shut up and let me write dammit!"

"Someone's on their…hey…what're you going to do when….?"

What was she going to do…? Ew…

"GET LOST!" She screamed and started chucking stones at me (small ones, but they still hurt like a bitch) and for once she was chasing me away -- violently. Once I was out of her range she grabbed a handful and stood up, a look to kill all over her face. I ran faster to avoid her stones of death and thankfully she ran out of stones shortly after seeing as she was a terrible shot. **B**ut she didn't stop running and neither did I.

"You're never going to catch me!" I called over my shoulder -- though to my surprise she was gaining on me rather quickly…

"You're dead Duncan!"

"I guess you really are on your period!"

Another angry cry.

At that moment I thought that we could run forever with the sun blazing down on our backs to damn near discomfort. Wind blew against our faces, trying to push us down, get us to stop, but we weren't going to. The water hardly seemed wet at all as it slapped against our feet, we seemed to fly over it we were going so fast. I couldn't resist screaming out as I ran with everything that I had in me. Releasing all the pent up emotion that I was keeping in, and the best thing was that she started screaming with me.

"We're going to pass out soon!" She yelled as she caught up to me, showing absolutely no signs of tiring out.

"They'll never catch us! We'll never stop!" I yelled back and threw my head back into the wind, listening to the words it told me, the music.

"Never Surrender!" She called out violently, ending with an ear splitting shriek of pure animalistic instinct, it was great. We were alive.

_If I keep running they'll never catch me,_

_If they never catch me then I won't have to feel_

_- Running, Me_

We settled down, and she fell asleep on the sand, leaving me alone with my head as I scribbled things into the sand. Me, Duncan Blaise Pierce. Kathleen Grace Finch, John Robert Pierce, Brent Avery. Maria Aime Dautry. All the people who had been probing at my memory, trying to break down the wall that I built around my sanity.

_Kathleen Grace Finch: Dead_

_John Robert Pierce: Dead_

_Brent Avery: Hospitalized _

_Maria Aime Dautry: Unknown. _

_Duncan Blaise Pierce: Dead_

Everyone I care about, everyone I love goes away. Everyone who was close to me in my life got hurt, maybe that was the best part about being in juvi. I had no friends there, I had a group of guys that I stuck around, but only because there was safety in numbers. I hated every single one of them that at one point I wished that I had the courage to strangle them. All proud of their sins -- of the horrible things that had done in their lives.

"And it was all nothing compared to what I have done." I muttered to myself as I raised the leg of my pants and gently ran my razor blade along a clean patch of skin, preparing for blood. Girls I dated were proud of their cuts, they were just as bad as the guys in juvi -- I never had a relationship with a girl longer than a month (Other than Maria) "And now it's time to pay."

I pressed it down on the skin with the razor blade and watched the skin break and fill with red, slowly it leaked down my leg, droplets sticking onto the hairs. It felt so good -- just to be bleeding, just to feel the sting of the razor that I had to do it again, and again. Some were big, some were small. Some bled a lot, others hardly bled at all. Dr. Seuss didn't have anything on me.

_Once for each of the people you hurt Duncan. This is how you'll repay them, this is how you'll make it all better. We've just got a drain the blood. _

Paying in blood, that was the ultimate apology. It was the best way to get forgiveness. Monks did it, whipping themselves on the back they love God so much. Martyrs did it, dying for whatever the fuck that they believed in. I'm doing it, begging for forgiveness from everyone I've killed -- mentally and physically.

"Duncan?" Courtney's voice broke through my thoughts and quickly I tugged the leg down. Rubbing her eyes she took a seat next to me and yawned. "How've you been doing?"

"Fine." I answered automatically and turned away from her gaze, she was trying to see into me again. Awkwardly I stood up and brushed off my pants, "I'm going to go catch dinner." I told her, even though I was quite incompetent at catching fish. We had made spears the moment our food supply started running low and Courtney proved that she was better than me at basically everything.

She started to stand up to follow me but I stopped her by raising my palm. "Why don't you just take a break today; I think I'll be able to catch a few fish. I am the man after all." Before she could say anything about how sexist that was I flipped her off and headed in the direction of the cove, where it was easiest to catch fish.

I think she called something after me but I kept my head down and focused on my feet, and the blood that was starting to drizzle onto them.

_--_

"Damn fish!" I cursed as I yanked the spear out of the sand. They swam too fast and too close, mocking me. The little bastards. But if I came back with nothing Courtney will mentally castrate me again. And my God, I had never felt my testicles invert so quickly. "Come to Duncan." I cooed to them and a big enough cat fish swam near. "DIE!" I screamed and stabbed it blindly into the water. Nothing. The fish was two feet off. "Goddammit! Stupid fish!" I cried and stabbed it again…and again…and again.

If Geoff was there he would've cried 'EPIC FAIL' after all the attempts I made to get the fish, and the worst part was the fish was swimming lazily around me, mocking me.

"I hate you." I mumbled under my breath and raised the spear, this time I would get him.

_Walk me down your broken line_

_All you have to do is cry_

_- Joshua Radin, Closer_

"SHIT YEAH! I GOT HIM! GIANT BUGGER!"

…

Duncan finally caught a fish. He may have put up a big tough façade, but that boy could never kill an animal -- I suppose it's because they remind him of well…himself. I was the one who did all the hunting normally. Like when I caught those two seagulls a few nights ago, and the vermins…

"In your face darling!" Duncan cried as he came back carrying two catfish by the tails up high. "I caught two fish! Now you can gut them and take off their scales then cook them!" He said cheerfully as he slammed the two living fish into the sand in front of me.

I couldn't help but smirk as I stared at the two flopping creatures. "I can't cook, darling." I cooed and waved off him and the fish.

He opened his mouth to speak then closed it. "Alright. Fine. I'll do that again…" He muttered and kicked a rock.

--

Night fell just as we finished and I watched her again, framed in the flames of our bonfire. She wasn't anything special really; cute at best. Curvy and nice figure, but cellulite traced the back of her thighs. Her nose was a bit crooked and her eyes weren't anything special. Her armpits were hairy, and even when shaven they were dark. Ew.

But still…

There's something strange about what Princess turned out to be to me, it wasn't what Maria was. It wasn't what my mom was, there was something different about the way that she looked at me and the way that she ended up laughing at my jokes. It was strange because I never saw any of this happening, I never saw the fondness in her eyes grow, and I don't think I'll ever understand why she's being so damn nice to me.

"Duncan. We need to talk about your sleeping…" She said quietly.

I paused. Sleeping? Did she know about the nightmares…? But how the hell could she? It's not like I…

My mind started trying to click together all the pieces again, thoughts and conscience questioning one another as I tried to figure her out. Her eyes showed no sign…

"You've been screaming every night for about a week now." She said tersely without looking up at me. "It's why I've taken down the partition, and I've decided since we're stuck here together I will help talk you through all of this trouble you've been through."

My mind stopped as I searched for words and stared. How could I respond? Without realizing it my hand started shaking, rattling my rings together.

_Take it easy Duncan. Just calm down. _

"Look, it's okay. We can get through this Duncan."

_Just relax your hand, she's a dumbass. She's a woman, she thinks she can save you. Just pretend again, alright? You've done it for years. _

"_I haven't remembered in years…" _

_Just calm down Duncan. _

"_She's going to pry. And then once she's pried she's going to leave…" _

_Do you care…?_

"_No. No I don't fucking care." _

"Sure Princess." I answered at last, my voice sounding annoyingly frail and pathetic.

There was a smug look on her face like she was brilliant. All the nice things…those were all taken back. Where does someone I don't even know get the gall to say they can save me?

--

**A/N: Sorry guys for the wait. I really haven't edited it since during the process me and my partner of over a year broke up...and since this one contains a bit of fluff it's just too much for me right now. Reviews do make me happy though :DD lol  
**

**There Is No Escape, **

**Calamity Now**


	16. Let The Bodies Hit The Floor

Hey guys! Thank you for the patience as I took my time updating. First and foremost I want to thank my lovely Beta who helped me with grammar and other things: Contemperia. If it wasn't for you I probably never would have updated.

Secondly I wanted to dedicate this entire story to this girl I know named Marija. I dated her a long time ago and she basically was the voice Duncan has in his head -- or in Freud's words my ego. She helped me with my writing and also growing up, so I want to thank her (though she'll never read this) by dedicating this story to her. Jesam li zaista bar malo, krv vase krv, Marija. Volim te.

* * *

Last night I was on the threshold of hell. To-day I am within sight of my Heaven.

I have my eyes on it: hardly three feet to sever me!

Heathcliff, Wuthering Heights

_"Mom."_

_Silence._

_"Mom."_

_A grunt._

_"Mom!"_

_"What, Duncan?"_

_He grinned in triumph at the attention and wiggled himself onto her lap, pointing to the object he spied in the mall. "I want that."_

_From the bench she followed his finger to the switchblade in the window. Her son was only ten years old! Cocking an eyebrow, she lifted his chin with her thumb and gave him an odd sort of look. "Why do you want that, love?" she asked as she lowered his pointing arm._

_"So I can protect myself," he said, and he looked up at her with the most serious expression she had ever seen on a child of ten._

_She thought about it; Duncan was very smart and hardly ever retaliated when the other kids picked on him. He wouldn't pull it out for no reason. He wouldn't show it off, probably only keep it in his pocket safe in case he really needed it. Though her thoughts argued amongst each other, she had already stood and was walking towards 'The House of Knives'._

_Smiling at the clerk, she said, "I would like to buy that switchblade in the window, please."_

_After the transaction was done, she put the knife into her purse and walked across to the other store, Duncan trailing behind her, silently wondering when he would be given his new toy._

_--_

_They walked a block away from the mall before his mom finally reached into her purse and pulled out the knife, flicking out the blade to show him its full beauty._

_"You like it, Sunshine?" she asked with a smile as she handed him the switchblade._

_Slowly he traced his finger along the blade of the knife, over the word 'Sunshine' that his mom had engraved into it. A huge grin lit his face, and he threw his arms around his mom's waist and assured her that she was the greatest mom in the world, and he loved her forever and ever._

_"Don't worry. I won't be stupid with it," he assured and folded it up, hiding it deep in his sock._

* * *

**2009/07/18**

**He's unstable. The self mutilation is getting worse, so bad that I've confiscated his switch blade and hid it in the hollow of a tree bordering the beach. He doesn't know that I know yet, but I think I should speak to him about it tonight, maybe get through to him. I think I can really help him.**

**- Courtney Rodriguez**

My fists were clenched. How dare she? How dare she take my things and hide them when it was obviously none of her business? How. Dare. She? Especially the last time…

I can't stand that mentality. That whole, 'I can save you if you'd give me a chance. I can be your hero.' All girls were like that. Just like Sasha, Audrey, Resa, Melanie, Grace -- everyone. But none of them had ever taken my sanity. She didn't realize. She didn't realize that by hiding my bloody knife, she was putting herself in danger as well.

At the bottom of the page was a drawing of the tree she'd hidden my knife in. Near the bottom of the trunk was a hole, and in there, apparently, was my knife. First I would get my knife. Then I would confront that bitch. I can't believe I ever thought I needed her…

"Fucking bitch. Take my knife," I mumbled under my breath as I picked myself up and stormed out of the tent with her notebook at hand.

If I hadn't been so angry I would have laughed at her for picking such an obvious tree. The damn thing looked exactly like the picture she had drawn. The leaves were withered and the branches gnarled and pathetic. The stump itself was bent and pathetic—it was the tree I had been kicking and beating whenever I couldn't take it.

My knife was exactly where the picture had indicated, hidden amongst disgusting spiders and creepy centipedes. It was covered in dirt, but I still had it, and it felt good in my hands again. It had been missing for three days. I'd nearly hung myself off of the damn tree it was hidden in. Ironic.

"What are you doing?" Her voice cut through my thoughts, and I turned around to face her, switchblade comfortably in my hand. I held it out at her. My grip loose but firm; I missed holding it. "You found it then," she said disdainfully as she glared at the knife.

In my head, I'd pictured myself being calm and not on the verge of murder. Unfortunately things don't always go according to plan."Why did you take it?!" I yelled and kicked a rock as hard as I could. It went flying over her head and made a satisfying splash in the water. "What gave you the gall to steal my things? To go through my shit and steal the object of my fucking sanity! Why the fuck did you take it!?" I yelled and turned my back to her, walking back towards the pathetic tree.

"Oh, grow up Duncan!" she yelled back at me, and I heard her footsteps getting closer to me. Almost automatically, I jabbed my knife into the trunk of the tree, imagining the tree screaming in pain. The fucking tree was hollow and weak; the knife slid right into it. "You can't just cut your wrists every time you're a little upset!" she mocked, sounding like she was in arm's reach.

"A little upset?!" I yelled in disbelief and turned to face her, her and that know-it-all look. "A little upset, Courtney? My God! You don't even know what pain is! Why don't you just mind your own damn business? You can't save me. You are not smart enough. You are not damaged enough. You are not even human enough!" I yelled and kicked the pathetic stump.

"Not smart enough?!" she shrieked and stamped her foot. "How am I not smart enough? Huh? I have a perfect grade point average. I am going to be valedictorian. I am plenty smart. And please, forgive me for not being a fucked up little punk. 'Oh, save me mommy, help me please! The big bad monster is going to get me!'"

There was a line, and she had crossed it. She had destroyed it, and I couldn't even reply to that. All that happened was I was suddenly very aware that I was holding a knife, and we were on an island. No one would ever know. My head calculated everything, how perfect it could be.

_Stop being a baby Duncan. You can't kill her._

"Fuck." I hissed and tossed my knife across the beach, far away from the both of us. Then I turned to her and took two steps backwards. "Don't you dare move it from that spot," I ordered and stormed off in the opposite direction, leaving Courtney there speechless.

It took everything in me not to ram my fist into a tree again. There was a line. There was a fine line in my head, separating everything wrong from everything right. It had been carved into my brain, my superego. And she…she brushed it away as if it were made of chalk. In my mind I watched her rain down on it, watched the line wash away and everything jumble together.

_Get a grip._

"Fuck you."

_Duncan. Calm down. Maybe she can help…_

"Yeah. I'm sure she can. And you're a real person in front of me. Christ!" I swore and stormed into the forest, slamming branches and leaves out of my face. "Goddamnit! My fucking ego. Goddamn knife!" I yelled and kicked a plant, feeling slight satisfaction as I heard a stem snap.

The chalk. The…everything. I watched the muddled mess run down the drain and disappear into the waste below, combining with the toxins that society spat out without a second thought. Like it took away a part of me—something. There was nothing left.

_You're not making sense. Just calm down. She didn't know what she was saying. I'm fine, your id -- your basic instincts are fine. Your superego, it'll be fine. According to Freud that's all you need. Just take a deep breath and think of something else._

"What else is there?!" I screamed with everything in me, like my lungs would explode, and for once, there was no answer. No little come back. No insult. Nothing to try and ease my nerves. "Shit. Okay. Okay." I mumbled to myself and slumped down against a tree trunk, rolling my head back against it and closing my eyes. It was okay. She was far out of my reach and I had all the time in the world. Something different.

"The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout.

Down came the rain and washed the spider out.

Up came the sun and dried up all the rain,

So the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again."

It was my favourite nursery rhyme. It was also my mom's favorite, and her mom's. It was about a spider, it was about falling. And it was about going again and again and again, and every time that you sing it the spider goes up, and it goes down. It goes up, and it goes down, down, down, down. I started singing it again.

Something tickled my hand. Gradually I looked down and stared ironically at a gigantic spider crawling onto my hand. "You're more screwed than me when it comes to women, aren't you?"

The little spider looked up at me with all eight eyes and stared soundlessly.

"Some bitch is going to eat you after wards, huh?"

It blinked and listened to me as I spoke some more, staring up at me with its wide eight eyes. There was something about the eyes that I liked. They were eyes of a cold hard killer. He was cool.

"You can keep a secret, right man?" I asked the spider as it crawled up my arm, little hairs tickling my skin. "I'm going to tell you something that I've never voiced. I'm going to tell you exactly what happened…"

It stopped crawling as it reached my shoulder and stared intensely at something past me. Following its gaze, I realized what he was looking at and smirked as I plucked the smaller spider off of its web and handed it to my killer spider. He took the food graciously and stuck its fangs into the smaller creature. I watched it squirm and its little legs try to kick as it felt death overcoming it. He would totally understand.

"This won't seem like anything to you…but to humans, it's fucking everything."

* * *

_"Brent. Look what my mom got me!" Duncan cried as he ran across the street onto the Avery property. The older boy was in the open garage, replacing the front wheel on his bicycle. "She bought me a knife man! It's so wicked," he panted as he reached into his sock and pulled out the switch blade, pressing a button and watching the perfect blade flick out._

_Brent glanced up from his bike and admired the new weapon that Duncan had received. Carefully, he took it in his hands, ran his fingers along the cold shiny metal, and whistled. "It's real nice, Duncan, but why do you need a switch blade?" he asked as he returned to his bike._

_Duncan snatched his knife back and ran his fingers along the blade self consciously. He didn't want to tell Brent why. It was a family matter like his mom always said. Their secret._

_"Don't stab your dad," Brent said after almost two minutes of silence. "He's a bastard, but you don't want to stab him. Okay?"_

_Slightly annoyed, Duncan nodded and folded the knife back and slid it into his sock._

_"How do you know?"_

_"I hear screaming, I hear crying. I hear a lot of things from out here. The whole fucking neighbourhood knows, but it's filled with bastards as well and nobody cares. My mom told me to stay out of it." He shrugged his shoulders like it was nothing, maybe trying to save Duncan from embarrassment. But Duncan could see the vein pulsing in Brent's forehead and his knuckles clenched._

_"Don't tell no one," Duncan said after another long silence. "I'm not going to stab him unless he gives me a reason to."_

_"Duncan, man. That thing is only there if you absolutely need it." Brent insisted and kneeled down so he was level with Duncan. "But I'm here for you, man. If you ever need sanctuary, run over to my place. I figure I'm here to protect you."_

_Duncan scoffed and rolled his eyes. The only down side to Brent was his talk of destiny and the gods and everything else he believed in. When Brent got started, there was no way of stopping him._

_"Oh, come on," Brent cried, slapping him affectionately on the back. "I mean, I've been living here all my life, and everything sucked until you moved here when you weren't even like, one! I ran over to give a pie to your mom that my mom baked, and she was holding you, right? And then I asked if I could hold you. She smiled and let me, telling me your whole name and how old you were. I remember, I looked down at you and I felt this…something. I don't know, but you were like a brother to me from that point on. And when I told your mom that, she grinned and told me that you both loved that. I went home, and in the garage I found a new bike with no training wheels. See, everything got better!"_

_Duncan couldn't help roll his eyes once more and bit back yelling and shaking him, 'You were six you moron!'_

_"Don't roll your eyes at me you little turd. I'm just saying I'm always going to be here for you—you're my little brother. Okay?"_

_"You're insane," Duncan said after thinking it through, but he smiled in spite of himself. "You're a big turd if I'm a little one."_

* * *

Despite what Duncan had said I had to look at it once more to see what was so special about it. I lifted the knife and glanced at it, at what significance it could possibly hold. It was old, but well kept. Gorgeous in a way, with a smooth black handle and imprints from his fingers from years of use. The only thing that could possibly be special about it was the word engraved, 'Sunshine'. Maybe it was from an old lover…?

Sighing, I closed the blade into the handle and pocketed it once more. The sun was starting to fade and I had to find him soon—otherwise, something could possibly get him, and then who would I talk to? No matter how annoying and gross he was, I would go crazy without another human being to partake in conversations with no matter how unintelligent they were.

Retreating to the tent, I fished out our emergency flashlight and two batteries from our supplies bag, then changed into a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and borrowed Duncan's toque so that no creepy crawlies could crawl on my bare skin and sully it!

The slight gurgle in my stomach grew louder than before as I stepped through the border of the beach and the forest. I'd been through the foliage many times before, but never near dark, when all of the creatures were coming out to start their night. The fear of not knowing what was out there wrenched at my mind as I held the light ahead of my path and glanced around.

"Duncan?" I called out, "Duncan, come on. It's not safe out here. I just want to help you!"

The sound of critters scurrying replied, and the churning in my stomach grew more intense. "Duncan! Please? It's dark and creepy out here. Let's just go back to the beach and talk about this!" I pleaded. Much to my dismay, there was again only the chatter of animals and scurrying of vermin.

* * *

"Just keep quiet, man," I whispered to the spider and ducked down when the light shone in my general direction. "I don't want to talk to her tonight. She'll drive you to suicide, Scruffs."

The spider crawled into my sleeve in reply and poked his head out from the collar of my shirt.

Eventually the sounds of Courtney descended through the woods, and Scruffy (that's what I'd decided to call him) crawled out of my shirt and back onto my shoulder, where he had been resting before being disturbed by the shrill sound of her voice.

The morning light blinded me and Scruffy into waking and forced me into realization that I should not have slept leaning against a tree. Shooting pains went through my neck and back as I somehow managed to get to my feet. Scruffy had stayed on my shoulder the entire night.

Slowly I stretched, and I recalled the ordeal with Princess and cringed thinking about it; it had gotten out of hand. Even if she was an idiot, she only meant to help. Even if she did say those things, she couldn't have known…

_Welcome back, Duncan. I see you've regained your sanity._

_'Fuck you.'_

"Shit…fuckin' hell, I'm starving Scruffy!" I told the reptile on my shoulder as we trudged back to camp. "You can go back into the woods whenever you want, man. I don't really care. But if you ever wanted to come back, I wouldn't object," I told him as we reached the border of the beach where I put him down on the sand.

As I continued walking on the beach, the camp came into sight, and so did Courtney. She was lying just outside the tent with no sleeping bag or anything to help her keep comfortable, looking kind of disheveld. All anger from the previous day seemed to vanish as I approached her. She must've stayed the entire night there waiting for me to come back…

"Stupid bitch," I mumbled under my breath, taking a seat next to her. As I stared, I noticed that she had stolen my Ax7 toque, and my switchblade was folded, fit snugly in her limp palm. "Thief." I exhaled and clasped the switch between my thumb and index finger, slowly inching it out of her palm. "Just like to steal everything of mine, eh?"

Eventually I got it out and pressed the button on the handle, watching the blade flick out like it had so many times before. Then, I raised the leg of my pants and found an appropriate place to cut, next to the star I had made a week ago. Gritting my teeth I carved another 'M' in my leg, watching the skin break apart and the second layer of skin slowly fill with blood before rolling down my leg. It didn't hurt enough, but just seeing the blood kept me momentarily satisfied and I pulled down my pants leg.

"Princess," I mumbled as I wiped the blood off the knife and onto my shirt.

She stirred but didn't wake, and I didn't have the heart to tear her from her dreams because of the smile on her face. I know I'd give anything to be able to keep my good ones

Reaching into the tent, I pulled out the closest sleeping bag and unzipped it until it made one large blanket and draped it over her small frame.

_So what are you going to do now?_

_'I don't know.'_

_You can't just keep doing this: freaking out. You've got to get this under control._

_'She keeps pushing me. If she hadn't taken the knife, I never would've had this problem."_

_It's always someone else's fault?_

_'Well, what do you suggest then? I need the pain; it's what I deserve.'_

_I know you deserve it, but it doesn't mean you have to be so obvious. Keep it subtle. Play her little psychiatrist game if she's still willing. Just please her for now._

_'That might just kill me.'_

_Otherwise, you're going to be fighting. All you're doing is playing a game, just like he said. Remember?_

_'Yeah. I remember.'_

_Good boy. She's waking up. Look innocent._

"Nngh…Duncan?" She yawned as she scoured the beach with unfocused eyes. Finally they landed on me, and I watched the relief wash over her face as she allowed herself the briefest of smiles. Then, almost instantly, it changed into a scowl as she struck me hard across the face.

I slowly brought my hand up to my cheek, gingerly touching the place that was burning, and I gawked at her.

"Don't leave again like that! I thought you were eaten by wolves or something!" She yelled and slapped me again, just for good measure.

Glancing back at her I realized just how much hell I had put her through. The bags under her eyes formed dark bruises, her cheeks were covered in a thin layer of sand with streaks running through them. But what bothered me the most was the look in her eyes; they reminded me of someone from sometime.

Neither of us dared to speak after that for what seemed like hours, both of us staring at one another, refusing to break eye contact.

Eventually, her will to speak broke the silence first, and she huffed as she took a seat farther away from me and then brought her eyes back up to mine. The anger was gone. All that was left was sheer determination.

"Look, you really just need to open up to me, Duncan. Talking sometimes helps, you know. So, why don't you tell me something?" she said, her voice soft as she slowly inched her way towards me. "Remember what I said after you had that nightmare? I'm here for you."

"Yeah, sure, sure princess," I replied flippantly, inching away, "But I don't need someone to be here for me. All I need is my switchbl—"

"Why do you need to hurt yourself?" she cut in suddenly, leaning forward, dropping all subtly.

Attempting to be subtle I glanced down at my pants and grimaced as I noticed the blood had seeped through the fabric.

_Play her little game, Duncan. You don't need to tell her the truth. Just tell her something. Remember the stories you came up with in prison. Tell her those. Make up your lies._

"I had a hard childhood." I visibly cringed as she came closer, begging me with her expression to continue. "It was my dad—whenever I did wrong, he would smack me around a bit." That was rather far off, but still. It was good enough to satisfy her, to believe me. "It was just hard because my mom was always busy, and I didn't have any friends."

"What does that have to do with now? You get along great with people here." She tilted her head to the side, perplexed.

"It's just hard, okay?"

She narrowed her eyes at me and stared for a minute before flaring her nostrils and grimacing at me. "You're lying to me, Duncan. Why don't you tell me the truth?"

I couldn't help but momentarily gape at her, wondering, "How she could tell?" Thankfully, the voice (my 'ego' in Freud's words) kicked in and started telling me to keep speaking. As long as the words poured from my mouth, she would conceive it as the truth. That's what my ego said.

Speaking in a rush I replied, "He beat me until I was sent to juvi when I turned 15. There, I got into a lot of fights, and then the guards would beat me up for getting into so many fights. My god, are you satisfied now?"

Annoyance: that would probably make it believable as well. The way she saw it, I hated talking about feelings, so why wouldn't I be angry if she started questioning me?

_At least there's some truth in that. The guards did kick your ass one too many times in there. But you never screamed…remember?_

"How did you feel? Were you hurt? Ashamed? What did he do to you to make you so traumatized?" She was a foot away from me, and her hand grabbed mine, holding it against her chest so I could feel her heart beating. Gradually I wondered if mine would do the same thing, or if that was something only the good kids received. Either way it bothered me.

"I was scared. Duh. But I just couldn't stop my rebellion."

"What did your mom have to say about it?"

"She left me and my dad when I turned 13."

_In a sense, yes. Good, Duncan. I see you have not lost your skills from juvi._

"So that's it," she said triumphantly, like she'd gotten to the root of all my problems. Having the nerve to smile, she wrapped both her arms around my neck and squeezed me tight against her body. The only thing I could think about were her breasts, and how soft they were -- but I still refused to like it. "You were abandoned. That's why you were crying so much."

'Sure,' I thought as I buried my face into her shoulder, closing my eyes and pretending that she smelt of cinnamon or lilacs, rather than sweat and grime of the outdoors.

When she finally pulled away, the smug smile was still there. She kissed me on the cheek and then stood with this air of confidence. "Come on. Earlier, I cooked some grubs."

_  
"That is how I'm loved! Well, never mind. That is not my Heathcliff. I shall love mine yet; and take him with me: he's in my soul."  
- Catherine Earnshaw,_ _Wuthering Heights_

* * *

I also want to thank this lovely writer I have met through this story 'edwardandbellaforevah' for helping me get back into writing by allowing me to beta her wonderful story 'Prinzessin'. I suggest you all take a peak at it if you enjoy my style of writing. It's dark and guess what :D I get to write the lemons and help out with some tricky scenes. So check it out and leave nice reviews!

One more thing: to gwenlover123 - :D if you check out that story, then you too can know what people do in bed.

There Is No Escape,

Calamity Now


	17. Angel

Okay, basically there is a bit of a time skip...since I'm a lazy ass and I don't want to write anymore fillers and I'm getting really sick of this story. This is what has happened:

1. Duncan and Courtney are on neutral grounds.

2. Duncan has realized he likes her a lot more than he thought.

3. Scruffy is doing fine.

4. They have given up hope on getting off the island. Building a raft is too dangerous.

I'm not religious in any way by the way, so if I screwed up big time with the following scene forgive me.

**Oh, by the way guys, I really need your support for the chapters, since I haven't been motivated. If you really want me to update I need at least 15 reviews to show you want it to be continued. Thanks.**

Skeletons In My Closet

By: Calamity Now

* * *

_I picture you in the sun, wondering what went wrong_

_And falling down on your knees, asking for sympathy_

_- In The Sun, Joseph Arthur_

One time for Brent, two times for my mom, three times for Maria, and three times for me. Nine cuts on my thigh, each one deeper than the last. Next I moved onto the four candles that I have standing in the sand and I took out my lighter and lit each one so they glowed in the darkness. The first one was for my dad, and without thinking pinched it out with my thumb and index finger, too numb to feel the pain. Then I moved onto my mom's and I kneeled down and took my rosary in hand, pressing my hands together to keep her out of hell, just like I promised to do.

"_In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit. Amen_." I murmured and performed the sign of the cross.

"_Until we meet again, may God Hold you in the palm of his hand. _

_If I should go tomorrow It would never be goodbye,_

_For I have left my heart with you,_

_So don't you ever love that's deep within me, _

_Shall reach you from the stars, _

_You'll feel it from the heavens,_

_And it will heal the scars."_

It was one of the few prayers I remember my mom teaching me, and she made me repeat it sometimes for dead relative that I had never even met. I think she said it was Irish. There was never a thought in my head as I used to repeat it, almost like a robot. I never dreamed of saying it for my mother, and now when I did there was actual meaning to go along with it.

"_Our father who art in Heaven,_

_Hallowed be thy name_

_Thy kingdom come, _

_thy will be done in earth,_

_As it is in Heaven_

_Give us this day; our daily bread_

_And forgive us for our trespasses;_

_As we forgive those who trespass against us. _

_And lead us not into temptation_

_But deliver us from evil,_

_For thine is the kingdom_

_And the power, and the glory_

_Forever and ever._

_Amen."_

"Please keep her safe, wherever she may be. Don't let them take away her innocence, her light, her beauty that I love in her. Don't let them dull her anymore, her flame's getting too small now -- please I pray thee in thy name."

That was for Maria, and I repeated 'Our Father' with as many beads there were on the rosary; just like my mother, moving my fingers among each bead as the prayer finished and I started again. I didn't understand that prayer, but it sounded like something for the living and not the dead.

Brent was next. Since he was alive he didn't need a candle, but he deserved a prayer. Was he still in a coma? I didn't know. I repeated 'Our Father' along the rosary again and racked my brain for words to come for him, my friend. How could I pray for him when I was guilty of his undoing.

"I pray you let his eyes open again so he can be with his family. Please help him find his way out of the darkness that I bestowed upon him. I'd give anything for Brent -- he saved me so many times. Just like a brother would. Please let him live again, he doesn't deserve darkness…amen…"

I was awful at praying, but it didn't matter. Because he was religious, and he said that even if you're clumsy it's okay. God's listening. I may not be religious, but maybe Brent heard it, people in coma's hear things like that right?

Before I could even think to cry I turned to the last candle that I had lit just for me.

_This night I lay me down to sleep_

_I give the Lord my soul to keep_

_If I should die before I wake_

_I pray the lord my soul to take_

_Four corners of my bed_

_Four angels over head_

_Matthew, Mark, Luke and John_

_Bless this bed I lay upon_

_I lay my head on our lady's knee_

_Jesus come this night and save me_

_Heart of Joseph I adore thee_

_Heart of Mary I implore thee_

_Heart of Jesus pure and just_

_In those three hearts I place my trust._

I said that prayer only once though and left my candle burning along with my mom's. Eventually the wind would blow it out and I'd do the same thing tomorrow.

I stood up and brushed the sand off of my pants before heading back to our campsite, where Courtney sat in front of the fire and writing in a notebook with some dopey grin on her face. When she saw me approaching she frowned slightly and snapped her book shut so I couldn't try and read it again. She had gotten really angry then…

"Enjoy your walk?" She asked and pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders.

I only shrugged in response and took a seat next to her by he fire and settled down, allowing the warmth to engulf me as I was sitting with a pretty girl under thousands of stars. I think Courtney was feeling the warmth too, because right as I got settled she leaned her head against my shoulder and nuzzled my neck. She hadn't touched me since that night, and I hadn't been showed an ounce of real sober affection since Heather, so I welcomed the gesture openly and wrapped my arm snugly around her shoulder.

"Comfy?" I couldn't help but blurt out and smile down at her, she didn't try to meet my eyes but I felt her nod her head and yawn. "Since we're here, not fighting, why don't you tell me about yourself?" I asked quietly. My head telling me I did this because one way to get a girl talking was to ask her about herself, though really I wanted to know.

"Mmm. I'm 16. I've got a mom and brother but my dad passed on." She murmured sleepily, I smiled grimly at that but said nothing so she'd continue. "I'm going out with a boy named…uh…Thom. And I get straight A's." Another yawn escaped her lips as she finished and she glanced up at me curiously. "What about you?"

"I'm 16, almost 17 in a few weeks. I've got no living relatives in Canada. They're all back in Italy from my dad's side. I'm single. I've been hospitalized too many times to remember and I don't like the colour green." I told her honestly and waited for her reaction with a grin on my face.

Courtney's head snapped up and she stared at me carefully. "You don't like the colour green?" she asked and I shook my head. "Why then is everything of yours green!?" she narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously and waited for me to explain myself.

"I don't know." I lied and shrugged. "I really like the colour red though." I said and indicated to my shirt. Courtney scoffed and rolled her eyes, when she didn't say anything else I continued. "I never liked Heather in any way other than sexually. I have eight fingers, and I have two tattoos; one under my ass and another across my shoulders. Also I have more piercings that you can't see."

"What are the tattoos of?" Her voice was drowsy as she stifled a yawn and glanced up at me.

"There's a koi fish under my ass…" I said and listened to her giggle. "Which was gotten when I was drunk. And the one across my shoulder blades says 'Kathleen Grace Pierce ti amo and a Celtic cross on my neck above it.

"Who's Kathleen? An ex girlfriend?" she teased and jabbed my ribs with her elbow.

"My mother." I answered calmly and watched her expression change, she opened her mouth to apologize but I cut her off before the words could be said. "It's alright. She passed on years ago."

"How did she die, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Murder." I replied quietly. I already remembered all those things…it didn't matter if I said it or not. She will be dead forever and nothing would ever bring her back to life.

Courtney sat up straight and looked me in the eyes, her brown eyes glowing from the light and I could read her perfectly. She placed her hands flat against my chest and stared open mouthed at me waiting for an explanation. "Who…?" she said softly, barely a whisper.

_Me, _I thought and fought back the urge to break. Instead I took a deep breath and looked down at her carefully, keeping up enough of a wall so she couldn't see through it. But not enough so that she would think of me as lying. "I don't know. They never caught the guy." I allowed a few fake tears to leak out and looked up at the sky, as if I could see her face there smiling down at me.

"I'm so sorry." Courtney whispered quietly, just like I expected her to do.

_Across the waste of space and fields of air I glide alone at night, oh please, please think of me 'cause I'm, I'm by your side_

_- Angel, Pearl Jam_

The expression on Duncan's face was so heartbreaking that I felt tears well up in my eyes as well. At least that would explain some of his oddities, the bitterness in his laugh. Without thinking I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his cheek, just to make the tears stop -- whether they be his or mine I'm not entirely sure. But it worked. Right as I pulled away his intense blue eyes locked onto mine and he pressed my head against his chest and kissed the top of my head.

"You little slut. Your boyfriend may not appreciate you cheating on him." He mumbled, his voice hoarse. I was about to freak on him, yell at him for being a jackass -- but then it hit me. It was all an act, so he could cope. So instead of kicking him in the balls and storming off into the tent I broke free from his grasp and leaned forward again, pressing my lips against his.

Duncan kissed back. Slowly, gently, so heartbreakingly beautiful. It was like a kiss out of the movies. As we kissed it felt like I was going into his soul, being on with him, his entity. When I pulled away his eyes were just as intense and staring down at me, I didn't know what to say or do so he kissed me again, the tears that were sliding down his cheeks fell among our lips are the taste of salt entered our mouths, but we didn't stop kissing. It tasted like the ocean; almost like where we were sharing this moment.

His hands caressed my body, fingers trailing down my spine and along my shoulder blades. Shivers of excitement ran up my spine and I imitated him against his body, hands moving under his shirt and brushing his abs, his chest, gently scraping my nails against his back.

Duncan's hands moved to my breasts, hovering right above them, then he stopped and broke away from our kiss. His eyes held something that I never thought Duncan could ever feel; fear.

"Why'd you stop?" I whispered and moved to kiss him again but Duncan flinched back and stared, open mouthed.

_Close your eyes and I'll close mine remember you, remember me hurt the first, the last, between_

_- So I thought, Flyleaf_

She waited for me to make a move, like I had so easily with Heather. How I slid my hands inside of that whore and made her feel pleasure. But this was different, because Courtney's eyes were locked onto mine with so much inside of them and I could tell that this had feelings in it for her as well. The very thought of being inside of her…would be betrayal. It would be so wrong because I know how right it would feel.

"Duncan…what's wrong?" she asked quietly, her hand glided to my neck, fingers lightly stroking my collarbone. She stared at me for a moment, hurt clearly in her expression then she asked, in a voice that hardly qualified as a whisper. "Is it me?"

"No Princess. It's not you." I murmured and forced my lips against hers, trying not to feel anything when she probed her tongue with my own. Trying not to feel anything when I knew that she poured her soul into that kiss, and how I did the same.

I forced my hands to move and focused on the task at hand as I slid my hands under her shirt and under her bra. Her nipple hardened as I rolled it between two fingers, Courtney let out a soft groan and arched her back slightly.

"Lift your arms." I murmured and she did as she was told and I slid off her t-shirt and fumbled with the clasp of her bra. After it unhooked I slid her bra off her arms and tossed it to the side, moving my mouth to her caramel breast with Hershey kiss nipples. My tongue ran over her nipple and her hands entangled with my hair. Slowly I felt her nails drag against my scalp and almost basked in the burning sensation her nails left me with. Puckering my lips I sucked in her nipple and gently held it between my teeth. With my tongue I flicked over it and her nails scraped down my neck.

I rolled her nipple around with my tongue in circles as her hands were stroking every inch of skin on my body. I bit down gently and earned myself a another a more audible groan and I watched her face tense from the sensation.

"Courtney…" I mumbled and moved over to her other nipple that craved attention, giving it the exact same attention and slathered it up with saliva, then lightly I blew on it, watching as goosebumps formed on her stomach and arms.

I trailed kisses down her chest and stomach, pausing by her (pierced) bellybutton and sucking on the skin long enough to break the blood vessels and leave a dark hickey. Her dark eyes followed every move I made and I watched her smirk as she saw the mark, I felt my face flush. To ignore the slight embarrassment I felt by my possessiveness I started kissing again and trailed down to the waistline of her pants. Slowly I glanced up at her and she nodded and cringed slightly when I pulled down her sweat pants, discarding them by her bra.

"So you do go cavewoman style." I mumbled and stared at the hair that poked through her plain cotton panties.

"Shut up Duncan." Courtney hissed and flicked my ear, just for good measure.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say woman." I said with a laugh and moved my head to her inner thighs, kissing them gently before biting down hard on the place I just kissed.

"Shit!" Courtney gasped and pushed my head away to glare at me, but I know she liked it. I moved my lips to her panty clad vag and wet my lips, gently kissing where her lips parted and feeling her wetness against my face.

I moved back to her thighs and kissed the hairy flesh to keep her occupied as my other fingers looped through the waistband of her panties and tugged them down to her knees and moved my mouth to lick her soaked pussy.

"I'm not going down on that." I told her and pushed in a finger, going as far as I could, feeling her tighten around me and let out a gasp. I inserted another finger and her entire body stiffened as I pushed them again, hitting her g-spot. Her pussy soaked up my fingers

Courtney let out a cry and she pulled me closer to her, her lips meeting mine.

"Nngh -- Duncan…" she moaned into my mouth as I pressed again, moving my fingers in a wave like motion to give her more pleasure. "I'm ready…now…" she gasped and her hands moved down to my belt buckle and frantically trying to undo it.

"Patience, patience, Princess." I mumbled and unbuckled it for her along with the button of my pants and fly.

Immediately she looped her fingers through the waistband of my boxers and yanked down both my pants and boxers. Her hands moved to grasp my throbbing cock but she paused and stared at me in disbelief.

"What is it?" I asked, inching my cock closer to her hands -- it really needed some attention.

"Take off your damn shirt." She muttered and pulled it over my head and threw it somewhere. "Idiot." She said as she moved my dick to her entrance, and gently I laid her out on her back. Her face was scrunched up I don't know if it was from pain or pleasure but she didn't try to stop me.

Slowly I thrusted forward and she let out a cry and wrapped her arms around my neck as I pushed in deeper.

"Ah…Duncan…" Her breath hitched and she dug her nails into my shoulder blades and scraped down my back, a burning trail left behind from where she once dug her nails. I kept going slow until I found a steady rhythm and Courtney moved her hips to match. "Little harder…" she gasped.

"Whatever you say." I mumbled into her mess of hair and slathered kisses all over her neck, pausing in the sensitive places to bite down and leave dark purple hickey's that made Courtney squeal.

_Something 'bout the way your hair falls in your face I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase _

_- Your Body Is A Wonderland, John Mayer_

Courtney laid asleep next to me, snoring softly. Carefully I eased out of her arms and kneeled down and placed my rosary between my palms.

"Oh heavenly father, please hear my prayer. I pray you to keep the colour in Courtney's world even if mine is grey. Grant her safety through the hardships she will face in this life and allow her to smile more. Guard her innocence with your heavenly light and allow her to love without loss. I pray thee in Jesus' name. Amen." I murmured then turned back to Courtney and stroked her silky cheek.


	18. Angel of the Morning

Hey guys! Short short short short chapter today! :D And Edwardandbellaforevah sorry. I was staying at my friends place for awhile, could you email me the next chapter and I'll have it done asap!

By the way guys, I didn't even realize so many people read this story o_o'' I like all these reviews though, the more there are the faster I'll update ;D

Last thing, if you're an anonymous reviewer please try and be original with the name you use. Whoever reviewed using CarmillaD's nickname please think of something different. Stealing someone else's identity isn't cool.

Skeleton's In My Closet

By: Calamity Now

* * *

_We were on a break!_

_- Ross, Friends  
_

When I woke up I expected to be grousing over what a mistake it had been -- but it wasn't. It was the best choice I had ever made in my life, even if we did do it unprotected; none of it mattered at all. I had it all figured out, everything. Me and Duncan were simply meant to be together. Normally I'm too strong headed to believe in that sort of junk, but why else would we be stuck on this God forsaken island? All I had to do was help him and we'd be able to grow together. Get old together.

His sleep was a lot more peaceful when it was with me, he didn't utter a single word last night! That has to be improvement, it all makes sense.

"Princess…?" He murmured and slowly sat up, scratching at the sand that stuck to his chest. "I'm fucking hungry. Why don't you make my breakfast, then we can have another quickie?" he grinned at me then ducked his head to avoid the sand that I flicked at his head.

"That was entirely unsafe, Duncan. We are never doing anything of the sort ever again." I stated and with as much dignity as I could brought myself to my feet and brushed the sand off of my body.

Duncan whistled, reminding me of my still nakedness. "Damn Princess. Now I know what your boyfriend sees in you."

Thom. What was I going to do about Thom? He was a sweet boy, and very cute. In every way he was perfect: perfect body, perfect hair, perfect brains, perfect cock…

But still. When I glanced at Duncan my stomach bounced into my throat and my heart raced. Cliché, yes. But I had never felt that before, not even when Thom in his god-like beauty first asked me out. Not when he touched me first, not when he kissed me. Duncan was…special. Special meaning damaged, and being damaged meant a challenge. I like a challenge. I could read Thom like a book; there were thousands of him in the world. But again, Duncan was special. No one would ever be like Duncan.

"Why do you need to put on clothes?" Duncan suddenly called from outside, breaking through all of my thoughts. "You look incredible without clothes on. I should be the one who's self conscious, men look like goddamn gorilla's when they're naked."

I snorted at that and simply flipped him off.


	19. In The Sun

**A/N: This is something that you've all wanted, I'm only sorry that it took so long to get to you. This is one of the last three chapters, and though it's not the ending that I had been planning I hope that it's sufficient. I will be finishing off Courtney Says and Selfish Breathing as well, so if you enjoyed either of those fics keep your eyes open. The last chapters will be posted by October 1****st****. **

**Thank you very much. **

**With love, **

**There Is No Escape,**

**- Calamity Now**

**

* * *

**

"_You get what anybody gets - you get a lifetime"_

_- Neil Gaiman_

__A boy, with too many scars and bagged eyes sits on the beach as the sun is coming up. The reds, oranges, and yellows reflect in his eyes like fire, but he's already too tired. There's sand sticking to his back; he's soaked to the skin from swimming, or what he would call drowning. I'm waiting for him patiently, I'm ready to have that walk he's promised me.

I can hear the music from his mp3 player, loud and angry, as he listens to the words he stares at the switchblade he has in his hand with the word _Sunshine _engraved into it.

For a moment, he closes his eyes.

When they open his decision has been made, and quietly, he laughs.

"Fuck, if I'm going down - it won't be listening to goddamn Rammstein,"

There is no cheer in his laugh nor in his words despite the smirk on his lips.

Duncan, ever so proud.

He flips through his playlist, eyes intent on the screen, for the first time in three days he smiles for real (the kind of smile that reaches his eyes) and he presses play before he discards it onto the sand. In a soft, gruff voice he sings along with the words.

"_I picture you in the sun, wondering, what went wrong,"_

Duncan lifts the knife and holds it carefully. There's something in his eyes as he stares at the blue veins in his forearm.

"_And being caught in between, all you wish for and all you need"_

There's love.

"_May God's love be with you, _always_,"_


	20. Number of the Beast Alternate Death

Alternative Death.

This was my friend Derek's idea, who had no clue what I was talking about…but still gave me his best opinion. Love ya Sunshine.

And it's amazing, I am not religious in the slightest but with this story I find myself heaving out my mother's bible from the darkest corner of our bookshelf and scouring through it - searching for Duncan.

I apologize if I offend or if I am completely inaccurate, as I said before, I am not religious.

Skeletons In My Closet

By: Calamity Now

* * *

"_Here is the patience and the faith of the saints. Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six."_

_- Revelations 13:1 _

The last thing, if anything, Duncan carefully took off his favourite red shirt and stuffed it inside of Courtney's bag - she was asleep. Scruffy laid by her head like a guard dog, but as he took notice of Duncan in the tent he straightened to his full height and crawled to Duncan's feet.

"You smell it huh?" he whispered as he bent over and held out his hand - Scruffy crawled on and made his way up Duncan's shoulder. He _could _smell it, he could smell the wild in Duncan, so he took the step. He knew he would never get a mate because of his lime green colour and he didn't want to live with that shame. Scruffy had a bit of the bat shit crazy Duncan possessed.

"Wanna go for the ultimate adventure?"

Eight black beady eyes stared back into Duncan's eyes solemnly and for a split second, did not move a muscle.

"Best fuckin' killer spider in the world," Duncan whispered and glanced back at Courtney, she looked terrible, smelled terrible, felt terrible. There was only so much he could hold back…he thought for her he could be sane, but you can't choose, and you can't bottle it up and fight it alone.

Schizophrenic, bipolar, split personality, Borderline personality. Major anxiety, prone to addiction. Angry, angry, angry. Humans had to _feel _so damn much. They had to create - they couldn't just live.

One last time, Duncan kissed his fingertips and brushed the stray hairs from her face. Despite looking terrible, despite being on a godforsaken island for about a month, starving and surviving. Dealing with someone as unstable as himself…she was beautiful, more so than he had ever seen before.

"Courtney, keep Peyton. Let a part of me live," he whispered and pulled away, knowing that if he stayed any longer he would never leave her.

He left, making sure to carefully zip up the tent before he dug through his pocket and found his mp3 player with the infinite batteries.

Bodies, Drowning Pool.

"Let's fly then," he said to Scruffy, and he ran - where? There was only one place. The song was all he had in his mind, over and over and over again. Let the Bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor, was all that went through Duncan Pierce's mind as he moved one foot in front of the other, arms pumping by his side and the crisp morning air to greet him. They felt every gust of air, every pebble, every blade of grass they passed through. The sting of thorns that scratches their skin, they felt it all and relished in the stings, the burns, the cold, and the real.

It wasn't perfect; it wasn't 7. But it was enough.

"…_like a leopard, which had upon the back of it four wings of a fowl; the beast had also four heads; and dominion was given to it…"_

666. He was alive, he was dead, he was the third beast. Unlike Alexander the Great he would range farther than India to China. He would rule the world - no, he _did _rule the world, as his legs moved, as his wings flew, he leapt across the earth in a matter of mere steps. He was a boy with the world at his disposal.

There was nothing, absolutely nothing in his way and nothing to fear, he was wild and driven by pure instinct. Had it been physically possible he would have got down on all fours and out run Cheetah, out laugh Hyena, and out kill Tiger. There was wind and there was the ocean, and the ground, and there was a cliff, and there was Duncan. Duncan who could fly this time and he knew it.

"I have something to confess to you," he said suddenly as he ran, the spider waited patiently, "I hate the colour green. It was Ma's favourite colour."

The spider waited for something else, as if to say, 'well duh'.

"It doesn't mean I hate you, you're awesome. You're the best friend I ever had and you're another species for God's sake! You're going to fly with me, right - I just hate the way you look."

In one smooth movement, the spider shrugged, and at that moment, despite everything Duncan laughed, because no one shrugged better than a spider.

"Glad you're cool with it. I just didn't want there to be some huge misunderstanding. Then you might get angry and back out - and that would fucking suck. Because I can feel it, your heart beating…it's with mine. It's all adrenaline. All fucking adrenaline."

No fear. Fear did not exist in neither man nor spider.

They got there - it took no time at all in Duncan's mind - running, walking, standing still, it was all the same at that moment. But slowly he walked forward and stared down at the world. From his spot he could see the tent, in minds eye he could see her, he could see another piece of shit land in the distance - he could see everything.

He was a God.

"We're at the edge of the world Scruffy. I'd tell you to turn back now but…" he glanced down at the Spider's mad eyes, "you're just like me, aren't you?"

His eyes fell onto the tent once more, a tiny green blob amongst the sand. It didn't change a thing.

"I have an old friend waiting - can't be late," he whispered and ran forward, blindly.

As he got to the edge of the cliff he leapt, arms spread and eyes closed, there was no sound, but very clearly I heard it, "rest in peace, Duncan,"

After all the shit with his father, the cops, every single teacher, social worker, counsellor, psychiatrist, psychologist, every single goddamn doctor and authorative figure told him who he was and what he had to be Duncan was flying. Something they all told him he could never do - but he was, flying with his best friend on his shoulder and not a single regret in his life.

He was alive for the last time.

He flew.

"_There are a hundred things she has tried to chase away the things she won't remember and that she can't even let herself think about because that's when the birds scream and the worms crawl and somewhere in her mind it's always raining a slow and endless drizzle."_

_- Neil Gaiman_


	21. Hurt

Hullo. I just realized I did not explain as to why I am finishing off this story. Basically, I was speaking with someone whom I respect very much. The conversation went a little like this:

"Calamity," she said, though of course my real name was used, "you could be the greatest writer in the world, but unless you actually finish something you'll never be better than that idiot who harrassed you,"

"Er..."

"Skeletons is almost finished, and Selfish Breathing, and Courtney Says can be completed easily. Will you really leave it like that?"

So, this is basically to show her up - my beautiful, lovely _friend_.

Oh yes, I also have an alternative to the previous chapter that was added. So, if you think I should post that as well please say so.

Skeletons In My Closet

By: Calamity Now

* * *

"_I spent my day writing my letter to the dead and was answered at night in my sleep," _

_- Fugitive Pieces, Anne Michaels_

There is something I would like to tell you before all else commences; I am not Duncan Blaise Pierce, nor am I Courtney Rodriguez. I am the one who has been assigned the job that never ends, the one you dress up in black robes and only speak my name in hushed tones. I am the one who now holds Duncan Blaise Pierce's existence in my hands, which are not skeletal, thank you very much.

Now that it is all cleared up I would like to take this time to say, quite clearly, that despite your assumptions, despite how well everything had seemed to be…

Duncan Blaise Pierce was going to die the moment he stepped onto the campgrounds of Lake Wawanaka, and a piece of him knew, no matter how small, that he wasn't leaving alive. When I took him he smirked at me, breathtaking. Strong. Beautiful, whatever you want to call it, with one word he broke the deafening silence of death,

"_Vaffanculo_," He stood tall, and had he not been dead and a little more substantial I think he would've hit me - but he didn't. He walked with me as if I was an old friend, "We've met quite a few times huh? I think I remember something like this a long time ago…" he trailed off and smiled, in a way he was something like an old friend. In the back of my mind over the years I wondered when I would get to hold his soul and have this walk to his fate - not many people get to cheat me.

"Three times, this is the fourth," I responded.

Duncan laughed, 3 times Duncan managed to escape from me. The first time was when his mother died, as he cradled her head in his hands, I waited. His father behind us fumbled with a revolver - then the sirens came and he took off. I left with only his mother that afternoon an hour later, after she finished stroking her sons head, kissing him and whispering secrets into his ears. The second time was after he killed his father, he had lost so much blood yet he still dragged himself over to the corpse of his dad, just to make sure. I waited, patiently. I'm always patient. Somehow, he managed to tear up his jacket and stop the blood flow. The third was minutes later when the cops beat him so hard that he was with me for an hour twenty seven minutes and 22.456 seconds.

At 17 he saw me, challenged me, and accepted me, but this did not mean that I wanted him.

"I'm ready this time," he told me.

* * *

A blanket was placed around Courtney's shoulders as if it was cold; it wasn't. She stared out the window of the helicopter as it landed on the camp grounds, everyone from the camp was watching, waiting eagerly with smiles on their faces, some of them were crying. The last thing Courtney wanted to do was face them, the last thing she felt like was the CIT they knew.

Courtney was helped off the helicopter and pulled into several peoples arms, several people thanking God, asking how she was, what had happened. She didn't speak, instead she walked silently over to the closest cabin and took a seat on the steps and waited. They surrounded her.

It amazed her how little she felt, and even more so as she watched the large orange duffle bag get hauled off the helicopter. When they accidentally _dropped _it.

Chris walked over to the cabin and stood on the steps next to her, so he was above everyone else. There was no smile on his face and his eyes, which were normally filled with sadistic laughter were empty.

"Can I get your attention please?" he said over the voices, and eventually everyone fell silent and watched him. It was obvious there was something wrong, Chris was pale and his lips weren't moving. No voice to come out, Chef Hatchet took off his hat. Everyone stared at Chris and Courtney expectantly, waiting for answers.

It was Geoff who spoke, cutting through the silence that Chris had been so _sure _he could fill.

"Where's Duncan?"

It was amazing really, how little Courtney felt.

* * *

"_Princess," Duncan growled against her ear and fingertips grazing her hips. Courtney shivered, "I know what we can do to pass time," _

_She giggled, something that was completely uncharacteristic for her, but then again she hadn't been herself lately. She felt better about herself and the world that didn't seem to exist around her. It was lighter, it was happier, it included less fighting and more fucking. Bridgette had said something like that before, _make love not war_. It made so much sense. _

"_Not now, I'm trying to meditate," she said sternly and moved his hands before they moved down her pants. _

_This did not damper Duncan's spirits in the slightest and very gently he bit down at the top of her ear, "you know I can make you feel better than meditation ever could," he murmured, his breath was hot and it tickled her ear in just the right way. _

"_Mmmm, but you're such a selfish lover," Courtney said primly and forced her hormones to the back of her mind - under physics and geometry and Hamlet. Courtney Rodriguez always got her way, but it was easier when she had a clear mind with no distractions - or hormones. _

_Duncan cocked his brow, he knew this was bullshit, she knew this was bullshit. Just a few nights ago he spent what felt like forever with the foreplay and doing his damn best so make her writhe with pleasure - and she did. _

"_Have you forgotten the other day then?" he asked and moved down to the crook of her neck and nibbled down, he loved the shade of red she turned when she was turned on. It made him ecstatic when he watched the blush start in her ears and creep all the way to her face. _

"_Yes, but you still haven't reciprocated," she replied in a voice completely even, Courtney had unbelievable talent at staying on topic despite everything going on. She smirked, she loved it when his jaw dropped, she liked it when he suffered a bit, it was funny. Duncan opened his mouth, then closed it again, obviously, he was at a loss. _

"_But it's icky! You haven't been able to shave at all!" He finally managed to sputter out and drew away from his partner, just the thought of…_

_Courtney shrugged her shoulders and closed her eyes again, returning to her meditative state, "well, if you do that for me more then I think I'd be more willing to play along with _your _little things," _

_His jaw dropped again. When he had even mentioned it Courtney smacked him upside the head and lectured him for an hour on why it would be a terrible thing - and it was his favourite way to do it too. She knew this, because she was so damn smart. _

"_Fine," Duncan said after a long moment and crossed his arms over his chest. _

"_It has to be for at least 10 minutes, and it better be good." she narrowed her eyes at him then laid down onto her back and placed her legs on his shoulders. Duncan reached for the waistband of her shorts and pulled them off with her underwear. _

"_Fine. But this is a verbal contract, and now that we've agreed once you have to fill your end there's no backing down. I get to do it no matter how much it hurts and if you cry and what not - because this might kill me." _

_Courtney rolled her eyes, "yes, yes. But before you do _that _you have to make sure you stretch it a bit!" _

"_Obviously," _

"_Really Duncan, you're such a pervert." _

"_Oh like you're any different. You have your kinks, I have mine." _

"_But it's an _exit_, Duncan." _

_

* * *

_

Everyone cried but Courtney. Chris managed to find his words after Geoff had cut in and she was glad because there was no way in hell Courtney was going back to that time, ever. Bridgette talked to her, she told them about the search parties, the money their families were paid in order to let the show continue running (they were all rich.), the legal actions that had been taken. Everything. She didn't ask about what happened on the island and Courtney was grateful.

More than anything Courtney wanted to go home, far away from the island and her memories on it, but they weren't allowed to leave. Black clouds released their anger onto the campers with rain, thunder, lightning, and a shit load of irony.

Instead of home, she sat in the cafeteria surrounded by stony faced teenagers with a plate of crunchy spaghetti placed in front of her. She was given a plastic spork to eat with while everyone else received the usual cutlery, she understood why they would be weary - but she was not going to stab herself with a fork in front of everyone. Despite everything that happened (long nights talking, crying, holding each other for human touch. Nights spent fucking on the beach as the waves crashed over them, running, being free. The violence, the drugs, and the fear…and worst of all finding him) Courtney had things to live for, though over the lifetime she spent on that island, her ideals changed.

But things always change.

It's the human condition.

A month before she had hated Duncan, she despised everything about him from his idiotic unibrow and the self-deprecation in all his actions. She hated the way he smoked and the marks on his arms and legs. She hated everything about him and herself a tiny bit for watching out for him. And now she…

"Hey Courtney, did you pierce your ear?" Leshawna asked from across the table.

Almost mechanically Courtney reached up and touched the small ring in her helix and nodded, "yeah. He gave me an earring and pierced my ear," she hated the way her voice sounded when she spoke, like a robot. Like she wasn't a real person, despite the heart beating in her chest she could've sworn she was a robot. She swore that the earring would be her greatest memory, but now it felt…tired.

* * *

_The water was damn cold, but not cold enough to numb her ear quickly. Courtney sat with her head tilted into a mug filled with damn cold water at 12 o'clock in the morning. Duncan had taken out one of his matching earrings (the blue ones with a silver ball) and began sterilizing the needle with his lighter. Though she had sworn she wasn't afraid of anything but green jell-o, Courtney realized that she had been lying to everyone as well as herself, at that moment in time she was absolutely terrified. _

"_Duncan, you sure about this," she asked and hated the whining tinge in her voice, but she was scared and wasn't sure if she liked the idea of getting anything pierced. All her life she remained pure, she didn't even have her earlobes pierced, the helix seemed a bit hasty. _

"_it's fine Princess. I know how to do this properly, I've done every single one in my ear and I've never gotten an infection," Duncan said without glancing up, his eyes were intent on the flame. Suddenly, he snapped his lighter shut and looked up at her with a grin, "your ear numb yet?"_

"_I don't know," she lied, her ear was numb and so was the side of her face, but it just didn't seem like a good idea._

"_It's probably a good idea to take it out anyways," he said and rubbed the needle with a cotton swab filled with rubbing alcohol. _

_Quietly, Courtney swore under her breath and did as she was told. This was her brilliant idea - it symbolised something though at that moment she wasn't entirely sure what. Though because there was meaning it also meant the camera was pointed towards them on a stump not far off, taping this rather large commitment. _

"_Why did I want to do this?" Courtney muttered to herself. _

"_Don't be a baby, Princess.. You get to pierce my ear right after, and I won't even make you wait for it to become numb," Duncan said and motioned for where she should sit. _

"_Oh give me a break," Courtney muttered and scooted over to the place he indicated, "you've got tattoos as well and a ring on your cock and testicles! This pain will be nothing. I'm a CIT though, My body is _pure_!" _

_Though she couldn't see his face, she knew he rolled his eyes. The truth was a hard thing to accept for some. _

"_Totally pure, babe," Duncan repeated without a hint of conviction and brushed her hair out of the way, his voice was different; detached. The worst part of the entire thing was that Duncan was nervous as well, though he did his best to hide it, but Courtney knew for a fact Duncan never became distant like that unless he was really focusing. _

"_I'm pressing the needle against your ear, can you feel it?" Duncan asked. _

"_No." _

"_Good," Duncan said quietly and squinted in the firelight to make out the dot they had drawn on where they would get the piercing, "good, that's perfect princess," he wasn't talking to her, Courtney didn't say a word. _

_First he swabbed her ear with rubbing alcohol to disinfect it, then something was pressed up against the back of her ear. Duncan said it was to prevent pulling on the ear and tearing anything; Courtney agreed it was a good idea. The needle was against her ear a second after and didn't realize it until she felt only a slight twinge of pain as the needle pushed through her cartilage and heard a sound as it made it through. _

"_Alright, the needle is through your ear right now. That wasn't so bad, right? It's not crooked either - one of my earrings turned out crooked…" Duncan trailed off and pulled, there was a slight tug on her ear as the needle was removed but nothing more. A moment later she felt something else go through her ear and then a kiss on her cheek and a cheeky grin before her eyes. _

"_See, that wasn't so bad, was it?" Duncan asked and pulled out another cotton swab with rubbing alcohol on it. _

"_That was terrifying," Courtney replied and grabbed the mirror in the medical kid ant admired the ring. It would look good, she decided, once the redness in her ear disappeared. _

"_It looks hot," Duncan mumbled and held her earlobe between his thumb and index finger to get a better look - she jumped at the warmth in his fingers. _

"_Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let me clean the stuff off so I can pierce yours," Courtney waved him off and grabbed the medical kit where she followed Duncan's example and stuck the needle under the flame then rubbed it with a cotton swab filled with rubbing alcohol. She wrinkled her nose at the smell and motioned for him to come closer, he sat upright and cast a stupid smirk in her direction. _

"_you're even more chicken shit than before, aren'tcha?" he dug his elbow into her ribs and laughed, then he saw the look on her face and everything changed. Duncan's eyes were sympathetic as he said, "don't worry. Nothing you do could ever hurt me physically," his voice was soft, deep, and soothing. Slowly Courtney nodded and rubbed the dripping cotton ball all across his ear. _

"_Except for a little while ago when you kicked me in the balls. That hurt me," _

"_Shut _up_, ogre," _

"_You know, we're kind of like Shrek and Fiona. I'm the ogre and you're the Princess that was locked away in a tower of conceitedness and - ow!" a sharp prick from the needle shut him right up. _

"_Okay, I'm going to pierce it now," she mumbled and pressed the tomato pin cushion against his ear and the tip of his needle on the dot deciding where the earring would go. She tried to press - she really did, but she couldn't. All the strength in her arm was gone suddenly, it was one thing to pierce her ear, but for her to do his? It was absolutely insane, she had never pierced anyone's ear before. She didn't know what you did, was there a certain technique you used while pushing through the needle? Did she sterilize them wrong? What if it was crooked? What if he cried? _

"_Just do it,"_

_And that was all she needed. Responding to his voice, she pressed down on the needle until she felt it push through and half the needle was sticking into the pin cushion. Duncan let out a small grunt then grinned. _

"_See Princess, that wasn't so bad, was it?" he asked and shifted then kissed her hard on the mouth with tongue, lots and lots of tongue. It was quite ridiculous really, if Courtney hadn't pushed him away then he would've tried to have sex at that moment with a needle sticking through his ear, but Courtney would never allow it. Ever. _

_What if the needle poked out her eye? The future Prime Minster of Canada could not have a glass eye. It was unconstitutional…somehow. _

"_Shut up and hold still you horny Neanderthal," Courtney ordered and reluctantly, like a scolded puppy with it's tail between it's legs, Duncan obeyed, "good boy," she said with a smile and continued. It was harder than she thought, removing the needle, but after a good tug it came loose and slid out of his ear. It bled, his ear bled a lot; it was something she wasn't expecting since she had the luxury of numbing her ear. _

"Shit_!" she cursed as she fumbled to stick the ring through the hole - but the blood made it slippery and hard to see. _

"_Stick the earring in, stupid." _

"_I'm trying, dammit!" She spat and finally, as if to show him up she managed to find the hole and slid the earring through - it was finished. (well almost, she didn't bother trying to screw on the ball, there was simply too much blood.)_

_Again, like once the needle was through his ear Duncan pressed his mouth against hers and kissed her like he hadn't touched another woman in years, but this time Courtney responded, suddenly she remembered the idiotic symbolism she had come up with. They were connected now, their earrings in the same place on the same ear - it was their commitment, and never in her life had Courtney ever been so proud of something. No A in school could ever wash away the smile she wore as they touched one another frantically, like it was their last night together. _

_The fucked. They bled. They cried. They loved. _

_Courtney never loved anyone in her life like she loved Duncan, and in the moment where she sat on top of him with him inside of her, naked and holding each other as if the world was going to end, she was pretty sure he felt the same way about her. _

_All he could say was her name. _

"_Courtney, Courtney, Courtney," _

_

* * *

_

That night, they slept in the cabins, and though they never said it, Courtney was positive they were keeping her under suicide watch. At some point in the night each of the girls stayed up and watched over her to make sure she wouldn't cause harm to herself and others. That was a laugh, she didn't have energy to destroy, nor could she bring herself to.

Courtney laid in her bunk, too sad too care if anyone heard her sniffling as she clutched his t-shirt to her chest and buried her face into it, it smelled like him. It smelled like sweat, the sun, and Duncan, it smelled like everything she ever loved. The shirt was one of the treasures that just happened to be in her bags when they came, why? Because it was red, his favourite colour. They took the video camera, where it had some of their greatest moments on it, their commitment, the consummation afterwards, just random moments of trying to pester one another, and of course, the most important, the little things they did to pass the time. It was for evidence apparently.

She could have it back once they were finished ransacking her memories.

As quietly as she could Courtney rolled herself out of bed and stepped across the creaking cabin floor and pulled on her dressing gown. She walked outside wearing only her little boxers and tank top with the thin dressing gown on top, it was cold, despite the lifetime she spent on that island (the moments that it lasted) she was weak against the elements. It didn't help but she shoved deep into her pockets in a vain attempt to get warm and a second later she drew them back with a cry as her hand met a small cardboard box.

"Oh God…" she whispered and gingerly slid her hand back into her pocket. Carefully she felt the smooth texture of the Export A Gold carton and clasped her hand around it. A moment later she stared at it in her hand with eyes that finally felt real.

In the silence of the night, she attempted to speak, "Duncan," but it ended on her lips as the night swallowed the name up.

Duncan didn't exist anymore - not in her world.

"_I want to try one," Courtney announced. _

_Duncan looked at her as if she said she wanted to try hunting a triceratops, then shook his head. "Fuck no," he said plainly and got to his feet. _

_Courtney placed her hands on her hips and tapped her sandaled foot, "why not?" _

_He scoffed like it was obvious then with spite he pulled out his cigarettes and lit one before her, blowing the smoke into her anger contorted face, "like hell I want to share. I'm running out fast enough as it is and I don't need you wasting them."_

"_I would _not _waste them!" _

"_You wouldn't enjoy them," he deadpanned, "and therefore, it would be a waste," _

With shaking hands Courtney took out a cigarette and put it between her trembling lips. She also stole his lighter before they took it all away, she removed it from her boxer shorts, opened it, and flicked it pathetically. The flint - the flint just wouldn't spark.

I snapped my fingers, a flame lit on the lighter and Courtney held the flame over the end of the cigarette and inhaled deeply. A moment later she was coughing up smoke with tears rolling down her cheeks either from the smoke or from the memories. I didn't delve deeper. I can't.

"You're right Duncan," she whispered, her voice was small and frail, "I hate this shit so fucking much,"

Despite herself she took another puff, this one shorter, fighting coughs - but it didn't help. She was just as pathetic as she had been a moment ago. Her throat burned and her eyes were tearing, she wasn't crying though, she refused to call it crying.

Only weak people cried.

Had Duncan been next to me, I think he would've done as his mother had and attempt to hold her and comfort her. I think he would've told her it would be alright and that it was better this way. But he wasn't with me, though undoubtedly he was watching. These things are easier to take when you're dead.

You know there's something else out there.

"Courtney?" Bridgette's voice cuts through the silence like a knife, and the CIT turned in the blonde's direction, "Courtney, are you smoking?"

Though creatures like me cannot affect the living, I cannot see into them or anything, her thoughts were easy to see. Almost robotic, she wiped away her tears and turned around to face Bridgette. Her eyes, lips, and sounds all were void of expression.

"Yeah, I started awhile ago," her voice was so dead.

"But coping with the cigarette is like…"

"It's a free country Bridge,"

At her school, in a whole other world she made a No Smoking Campaign because she didn't want her future voters to suddenly die of lung cancer. Everyone she confronted about their habits were apathetic, no one cared about their health. At the time she wanted to kill someone and wondered why the hell no one cared about their health, what was so great about tobacco and all the fucking chemicals inside it?

Courtney didn't like them one bit, but after the burn in her throat was gone, and there was a dead taste in her mouth and a detached feeling to her world she started to like it. One cigarette managed to help her, she thought.

If Duncan was here he would've sighed.

* * *

Geoff took a seat with her, Geoff was Duncan's first friend on the island and in his own misguided opinion, knew him best out of everyone there. No one knew anything that happened between them, so I suppose everyone else thought that as well.

"Duncan was a cool cat," Geoff said solemnly, Courtney lit a cigarette and nodded, "I mean whenever we would smoke up or play pranks on people…he was always so full of life. Why did it have to turn out like this? Do you have any clue?" Geoff turned his unbearably blue eyes onto Courtney looking for answers.

"No," she replied and watched the tip glow, every drag got easier. She would leave the last cigarette in the box and keep it forever.

"Oh…"

The silence didn't bother her in the slightest, it was just a lack of noise, it just seemed that all at once every bird, every wave, every gust of wind, and every voice seemed to simultaneously stop in order to make losers unbearably uncomfortable. Courtney was quite positive Geoff was a loser.

A few moments later, when Courtney had nothing to contribute and Geoff was certain there was nothing to gain he stood up and walked away. DJ replaced him. The large boy who was normally a bit shy took confident steps forward and sat in the empty space next to her. Geoff had been too stupid to fill it, DJ was too big.

"I don't know anything DJ," Courtney said irritably and spat out a nice sized glob of spit.

"I just want to talk," he said and placed a large, warm hand on her shoulder, Courtney stared at it like it wasn't supposed to be there. There was never a need to touch, she liked space, she _thrived _in bloody space.

"I'm just connecting," DJ responded and almost smiled. They were gone for a few weeks, the show was almost over, and Courtney carried inside of her more of Duncan than she knew.

"Before we left on those individual trips, I spent a lot of time with Duncan and I could always sense his aura. It scared me, but I stayed because I knew he needed help,"

Courtney didn't respond, she stared at a rock on the ground and blew smoke towards it. Why would it matter if DJ knew things about Duncan? He was dead. He was gone, and absolutely nothing he said could ever change that.

"Whenever you were around it calmed down significantly. Whether you believe it or not just having you around made a huge difference in Duncan's life and despite…" he paused, his brow furrowed as he searched for the right word, "_everything_," Everything was a good enough word, DJ would live a long healthy life. I couldn't take DJ, "in the time he spent with us…you helped him,"

Her eyes widened for a second, but in her mind it must've felt like an eternity. Frantically her brain thought those words over and over again, and each time the words spoke louder and louder, and despite the impossible silence that surrounded her head was screaming.

_You helped him._

_You helped him. _

_You helped him._

Courtney struck him hard across the face and leapt to her feet, the words stopped, and now she had to fill silence that Chris couldn't.

"_Helped him_!" she screamed, her arms tense by her sides and fists trembling hard. Tears were flowing openly down her cheeks but she couldn't feel a thing. She was hurt, angry, she was so angry at DJ so she wouldn't be angry at herself. Anything would be better than that.

"If I had managed to help him he would still be here today you fucking bastard! I did _nothing_!"

Almost everyone stopped and watched the cracks in the wall break, and crumble to the ground.

Courtney was shaking, her hands, her legs, arms, shoulders, hips. Her entire frame shook almost violently, she was so tired, it took so much effort just to stand, just to stand.

"What good is help if it doesn't solve the goddamn problem! Why the _fuck _would you even say that to me? I hate you! I hate you so goddamn much. Duncan is _dead_. How could I have helped! Huh? Answer me!" she didn't realize it, but her palms were bleeding from clenching so tight and between breaths she was desperately sucking on the filter of the cigarette, she didn't notice the smell of burning plastic - it took so much effort just to stand…

DJ said nothing. His face was expressionless as he got to his feet and took a step towards her, it was a familiar picture, and it scared her. Courtney tried to escape, but she couldn't. The next thing she knew DJ's arms were around her in a vice like grip, crushing her body against his, it was even harder to breathe…but she didn't need to stand. Quietly, so quietly that Courtney questioned the existence of the words he said,

"It's okay to be okay, it's going to be okay,"

No it's not, Courtney thought bitterly, but she had no strength to fight back .

She didn't have any cigarettes.

I could never take DJ early, he would live a long, strong, healthy and happy life. He would marry, he would have a daughter named Leah and a beautiful husband named Justin.

But of course, at that moment, all he thought about was Courtney, all he wanted to do was help her like she helped his friend.

"_it's okay_,"

No. No. No.

* * *

_By the fire, Duncan was unbelievably beautiful, the darkness of the night turned his eyes shades darker and the fire reflected in his dark blue irises. He always sat shirtless; all the bruises he once carried had healed and only scars remained - the scars were beautiful. _

_Courtney laid by him on the sand, staring up at the sky. It was a beautiful night with an infinite amount of stars in the sky. But rarely they ever really looked at the stars. The pattern generally went from cuddling to kissing to fucking either in the tent or on the beach - some nights they would simply talk. But very rarely did they ever gaze at the stars. _

_Duncan did not gaze, he crawled on top of her and placed gentle kisses below her belly button unlike the ones which were laid their before and marked with purple bruises. _

"_Aren't they beautiful?" Courtney sighed and smiled, "my dad taught me all the constellations. He said the stars spoke and what they had to say was wise…mom said never to listen to what he had to say when I was small since he never got good grades." _

_Duncan scoffed and glanced up at the countless lights in the sky, "stars are damn stupid," he turned back to the task at hand and brushed his thumb against her hip-bone. _

_Immediately, Courtney sat up at and glared at him, "how exactly are they stupid, oh wise Neanderthal?" she asked sarcastically and attempted to move away from his touches, but a simple kiss in the right place convinced her to lie down again. _

"_they make demons come out and destroy people," Duncan mumbled as his hand slipped under her shirt to her breast and grasped it gently, "I mean think about it - endless nights. Why do you think fucked up people can't sleep at night? 'Cause their demons or skeletons or whatever the hell you wanna call it are out," _

_He lifted her over her breasts and moved his mouth to her nipple and flicked it with his tongue, "ma said that they help people. But she was misinformed," _

"_I think your mother was right," Courtney responded thoughtfully. _

_Duncan glanced at up Courtney, "Demons," he repeated. _

_There was silence between them for a moment as Duncan tenderly and lovingly suckled on her breast._

_Courtney broke the silence, "can we stop with this gentle stuff already? I'm falling asleep here!"_

_With bruised pride, Duncan made a note to never hold back again. _

_

* * *

_

As we walked, Duncan and myself, he smoked cigarettes that didn't exist and sang a tune that was small, beautiful, and fragile.

"It feels right here," he said to me with a smile and scratched at his goatee, "I heard that someone dies every second, you know? So I always imagined that this would be a group job, that even in death I would be speaking to people who were worse off than me,"

"I put in special effort for you. I've been waiting for this walk for years,"

Duncan laughed a real laugh, "Yeah. But I always pulled through. Now was right though, I couldn't keep living."

"Why not?" I looked at him.

Duncan shrugged his shoulders, "there was Courtney. And she had life, she had infinite life, and next to her, I had none. Same with everyone on that godforsaken island. 17...17 was enough for me. I mean cats and dogs are lucky to live to even 17 right? Well, I feel like an old man. If I kept living, I would've prayed for death in my sleep. My happiest moments," he lit another non-existent cigarette, "my happiest moments have been when I brought myself closer than you,"

I smiled. They say that I can't smile, but I did.

"_Death cut him short. The end closed in around him. Flying free of his limbs._

_his soul went wringing down to the House of Death_

_wailing his fate, leaving his manhood far behind." _

_- The Death of Hector, The Iliad, Homer_


End file.
